Andrew Giuliani, a scion of the Giuliani Goofball Dynasty, picked a great time to run for governor of New York. His only conceivable asset is name recognition. He has it, but so does syphilis.
Unfortunately, Giuliani Giunior’s chances leaked out of his father’s oleaginous dome like goopy brain-parasite effluent months ago. He’d be better off right now if his dad was Barry Zuckerkorn. Or, well, pretty much anyone other than Rudy Giuliani, who hasn’t put forth a coherent public argument since (allegedly) letting one rip in that wacky Michigan hearing back in December.
But while Andrew may not have inherited his dad’s intestinal fortitude, he’s still pretty upbeat about his electoral prospects.
Giuliani the younger recently appeared on Newsmax—a network that deep-blue New Yorkers just can’t keep their eyes off of—to brag about his presumably imaginary lead in the Republican primary race.
YouTube Video
Transcript!
Excellent! Looks like he’s on his way to victo—
Wait, what’s this now?
Axios:
Hmm, go with Andrew Giuliani or abstain? I have a feeling far more than 10% of women have gone with the “abstain” option.
In his Newsmax interview, A-Ghouls also compared his early slow-mentum to the 2015 prospects of Donald Trump, noting that Trump was not the insider’s candidate back then, and neither is Andrew. But I don’t recall Trump ever getting 0% in any poll, unless High Times had a survey asking which candidate they’d most like to burn a spliff with at Burning Man.
And if this video is at all representative of Andrew’s acumen, he’s unlikely to trend much above zero.
YouTube Video
I have … thoughts.
1) Great camera work. That said, I’m sure Peter Jackson could have consulted with the campaign to help their candidate look even more like an angry hobbit.
2) Do all Giulianis have a preternatural instinct for choosing the worst possible venue for their announcements? Did the local dildo concern turn Andrew down, noting his lack of gravitas when compared to his father? At the very least, he could have made his statement inside a Four Seasons room.
This should be fun … while it lasts. Because what New Yorkers, from Buffalo to the Bronx, really love is everything MAGA. So maybe he’ll keep bringing up Trump and his dad, reminding all those ruby-red New York redoubts of their Mr. Magooian attempt to coerce Ukraine into investigating Joe Biden.
Godspeed, A-Ghouls. You’ll need all the luck you can get.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
Unfortunately, Giuliani Giunior’s chances leaked out of his father’s oleaginous dome like goopy brain-parasite effluent months ago. He’d be better off right now if his dad was Barry Zuckerkorn. Or, well, pretty much anyone other than Rudy Giuliani, who hasn’t put forth a coherent public argument since (allegedly) letting one rip in that wacky Michigan hearing back in December.
But while Andrew may not have inherited his dad’s intestinal fortitude, he’s still pretty upbeat about his electoral prospects.
Giuliani the younger recently appeared on Newsmax—a network that deep-blue New Yorkers just can’t keep their eyes off of—to brag about his presumably imaginary lead in the Republican primary race.
YouTube Video
Transcript!
Excellent! Looks like he’s on his way to victo—
Wait, what’s this now?
Axios:
Hmm, go with Andrew Giuliani or abstain? I have a feeling far more than 10% of women have gone with the “abstain” option.
In his Newsmax interview, A-Ghouls also compared his early slow-mentum to the 2015 prospects of Donald Trump, noting that Trump was not the insider’s candidate back then, and neither is Andrew. But I don’t recall Trump ever getting 0% in any poll, unless High Times had a survey asking which candidate they’d most like to burn a spliff with at Burning Man.
And if this video is at all representative of Andrew’s acumen, he’s unlikely to trend much above zero.
YouTube Video
I have … thoughts.
1) Great camera work. That said, I’m sure Peter Jackson could have consulted with the campaign to help their candidate look even more like an angry hobbit.
2) Do all Giulianis have a preternatural instinct for choosing the worst possible venue for their announcements? Did the local dildo concern turn Andrew down, noting his lack of gravitas when compared to his father? At the very least, he could have made his statement inside a Four Seasons room.
This should be fun … while it lasts. Because what New Yorkers, from Buffalo to the Bronx, really love is everything MAGA. So maybe he’ll keep bringing up Trump and his dad, reminding all those ruby-red New York redoubts of their Mr. Magooian attempt to coerce Ukraine into investigating Joe Biden.
Godspeed, A-Ghouls. You’ll need all the luck you can get.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.