This series documents stories from the Herman Cain Awards subreddit tracking the COVID mis- and disinformation on Facebook that is leading to so many deaths. Today’s cautionary tale is … weird.
Ho ho ho, seems jolly enough! The beard is real.
Who doesn’t love Santa?
He calls himself “Papa Gnome,” and this has officially gotten very weird, very fast.
Also weird: He doesn’t want to practice social distancing in a public bathroom.
This Santa is … not very nice.
I mean, isn’t the entire premise of Santa one big snitch? He has a book of snitching!
Worst Santa ever.
Santa cares if someone is recklessly spreading COVID-19. It goes into that book of snitching he carries around.
Seems like compliance to me.
He literally just said he’s God-fearing. He lives in fear!
Snitches don’t want you to get sick, which is LIVING IN FEAR. And it’s all the media’s fault. Why won’t we just let people get sick?
I’ll never understand why anti-vaxxers are so gung-ho on getting sick.
I don’t like to get sick. It sucks.
IT’S THE MOST DIFFICULT QUESTION BUT NOT THE HARDEST.
THE GOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO DIVIDE ALL GNOMES.
Wut.
Seriously.
Wut.
But when did this god create the gnomes? Big hole in his story.
Can someone cite the Bible passage that anoints Jesus as a virus killer? Or is that just a convenient fantasy to avoid having to actually care about your neighbors?
Weird, I learned in Gnome Church that Jesus was enough to avoid getting a virus, and that sometimes you get sick anyway, and who cares about getting COVID-19 anyway.
Seems to me he suddenly cares ...
A personal bubble suit would certainly have avoided this hell. Or, you know, vaccinating and masking and social distancing in public bathrooms.
Oh no, I don’t want to know what “the lubricant of Christ” is. Just … no.
Just remember when you see these sad GoFundMes raising a few grand that their hospital bills will be in the millions, plus the loss of income (certainly if they die, and even if they survive and remain incapacitated).
He is sick, which just happens—why do people want to live in fear of this, like sheep? Jesus is the only protection necessary, plus some lubricant of Christ, and snitches need to be dropkicked for asking that COVID-19 precautions are followed.
Oh, and God needs very specific instructions on how to heal Santa Gnome, because that all-powerful being hadn’t noticed this illness until the Prayer Warriors assembled, and needs to quickly be brought up to speed.
Five weeks from arrogant Gnome Church to dying of the thing he mocked.
Ho ho ho, seems jolly enough! The beard is real.
Who doesn’t love Santa?
He calls himself “Papa Gnome,” and this has officially gotten very weird, very fast.
Also weird: He doesn’t want to practice social distancing in a public bathroom.
This Santa is … not very nice.
I mean, isn’t the entire premise of Santa one big snitch? He has a book of snitching!
Worst Santa ever.
Santa cares if someone is recklessly spreading COVID-19. It goes into that book of snitching he carries around.
Seems like compliance to me.
He literally just said he’s God-fearing. He lives in fear!
Snitches don’t want you to get sick, which is LIVING IN FEAR. And it’s all the media’s fault. Why won’t we just let people get sick?
I’ll never understand why anti-vaxxers are so gung-ho on getting sick.
I don’t like to get sick. It sucks.
IT’S THE MOST DIFFICULT QUESTION BUT NOT THE HARDEST.
THE GOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO DIVIDE ALL GNOMES.
Wut.
Seriously.
Wut.
But when did this god create the gnomes? Big hole in his story.
Can someone cite the Bible passage that anoints Jesus as a virus killer? Or is that just a convenient fantasy to avoid having to actually care about your neighbors?
Weird, I learned in Gnome Church that Jesus was enough to avoid getting a virus, and that sometimes you get sick anyway, and who cares about getting COVID-19 anyway.
Seems to me he suddenly cares ...
A personal bubble suit would certainly have avoided this hell. Or, you know, vaccinating and masking and social distancing in public bathrooms.
Oh no, I don’t want to know what “the lubricant of Christ” is. Just … no.
Just remember when you see these sad GoFundMes raising a few grand that their hospital bills will be in the millions, plus the loss of income (certainly if they die, and even if they survive and remain incapacitated).
He is sick, which just happens—why do people want to live in fear of this, like sheep? Jesus is the only protection necessary, plus some lubricant of Christ, and snitches need to be dropkicked for asking that COVID-19 precautions are followed.
Oh, and God needs very specific instructions on how to heal Santa Gnome, because that all-powerful being hadn’t noticed this illness until the Prayer Warriors assembled, and needs to quickly be brought up to speed.
Five weeks from arrogant Gnome Church to dying of the thing he mocked.