I was warned ages ago that violence is not a solution to any problem, and that if I wanted Carrot Top to stop doing prop comedy I should just bide my time. Did it work? I’m scared to look. Can someone at least let me know if Jeff Dunham is still at large?
But Republicans these days seem to have missed the memo. In their bath salts hallucination of a universe, political violence is tres chic. The party’s modern luminaries include rampaging death-gnome Kyle Rittenhouse, scaredy-’ristocrats Mark and Patricia McCloskey, Jan. 6 rioter and tragic Donald Trump victim Ashli Babbitt, and Montana Gov. Greg Gianforte, who earned piggish praise from Trump in 2017 after body-slamming a reporter. (How conservatives’ Tinker-Toy minds manage to shart out encomiums to Rittenhouse while seizing on the absurdity that the Capitol officer who shot Babbitt is somehow a murderer is a mystery for the ages.)
And now? Violently attempting to overthrow the U.S. government on behalf of clammy fascist Donald Trump is apparently a feather in your cap if you’re running for office in Texas.
How long before Trump, who appears to be installing his 2024 coup crew as we speak, endorses this lout? And, of course, state Republicans have accepted his application to become a candidate for the March 1 primary—because the Hitler Goof Party (aka the GOP) simply can’t afford to alienate a future brownshirt. (Who would be left if they did?)
Blue Lives Matter! Unless they’re trying to keep a mob from murdering the vice president and speaker of the House! In that case … never mind!
According to the FBI, Middleton and his wife, Jalise, were seen on video rioting on Jan. 6 with the other Trump troglodytes. Oh, and he says Texas should consider seceding from the U.S. So, yeah, not exactly an exemplar of American patriotism, unless cumulative flag-humping hours is your key metric.
Were Republicans always like this, or did someone feed them after midnight or something? I seem to remember long-ago tales of Republicans who didn’t launch spumes of COVID spittle into the ozone every time they spoke. I swear. It wasn’t all that long ago, either.
Hmm. Maybe I dreamed it. Never mind.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
But Republicans these days seem to have missed the memo. In their bath salts hallucination of a universe, political violence is tres chic. The party’s modern luminaries include rampaging death-gnome Kyle Rittenhouse, scaredy-’ristocrats Mark and Patricia McCloskey, Jan. 6 rioter and tragic Donald Trump victim Ashli Babbitt, and Montana Gov. Greg Gianforte, who earned piggish praise from Trump in 2017 after body-slamming a reporter. (How conservatives’ Tinker-Toy minds manage to shart out encomiums to Rittenhouse while seizing on the absurdity that the Capitol officer who shot Babbitt is somehow a murderer is a mystery for the ages.)
And now? Violently attempting to overthrow the U.S. government on behalf of clammy fascist Donald Trump is apparently a feather in your cap if you’re running for office in Texas.
How long before Trump, who appears to be installing his 2024 coup crew as we speak, endorses this lout? And, of course, state Republicans have accepted his application to become a candidate for the March 1 primary—because the Hitler Goof Party (aka the GOP) simply can’t afford to alienate a future brownshirt. (Who would be left if they did?)
Blue Lives Matter! Unless they’re trying to keep a mob from murdering the vice president and speaker of the House! In that case … never mind!
According to the FBI, Middleton and his wife, Jalise, were seen on video rioting on Jan. 6 with the other Trump troglodytes. Oh, and he says Texas should consider seceding from the U.S. So, yeah, not exactly an exemplar of American patriotism, unless cumulative flag-humping hours is your key metric.
Were Republicans always like this, or did someone feed them after midnight or something? I seem to remember long-ago tales of Republicans who didn’t launch spumes of COVID spittle into the ozone every time they spoke. I swear. It wasn’t all that long ago, either.
Hmm. Maybe I dreamed it. Never mind.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.