Cheers and Jeers: Cannabis and Candy Corn FRIDAY!

[Brexiter]

Late Night Snark:

"A former girlfriend of Georgia senate candidate Herschel Walker claimed in a new interview that Walker paid for her to get an abortion in 2009. And the only way that will hurt him with Republicans is if some of that money went to pay down her student loans." —Seth Meyers

"An anti-abortion Republican getting caught paying for his girlfriend's abortion. That's a bombshell, especially because he left behind so much proof. This woman says she has a receipt, a check, and a “get well” card that he signed. The only way there could be more of a paper trail is if he bought a souvenir t-shirt from the abortion clinic's gift shop." —Trevor Noah

Continued…

You are now below the fold where, FYI, everything converts to metric.​

"President Biden fulfilled a campaign promise and pardoned all prior offenses for marijuana possession. It'll affect more than six-thousand Americans, whose criminal records will be cleared. He also encouraged governors at the state level to do the same thing, and promised that his administration would review whether marijuana should still be classified as a Schedule I drug. It is the most cannabis-friendly decision by a U.S. president, and I, for one, am just glad Willie Nelson is alive to see this happen." —Jimmy Kimmel

President Joe Biden took the opportunity on Friday to tweak conservative Republicans who recently asked for grants from the infrastructure law that was passed last year, noting that these same lawmakers had previously blasted the legislation as socialism.

“I didn’t know there were that many socialist Republicans!” —President Biden, in a Truman-esque taunt of MAGA Congress members who called the 2021 infrastructure law socialism, but then applied for grants to access money through it.

"In a new interview, Dr. Fauci said at the start of the pandemic he should've been more careful with his messaging on covid. He also said, 'It's really unfortunate that that's the world in which we live, in that it's a bunch of sound bites that sometimes get cut in half and get misinterpreted.' Or as Fox News reported it: Fauci Says We Live In An Unfortunate World That Should Be Cut In Half." —Jimmy Fallon

Who knew? pic.twitter.com/7QQJCqV8c6

— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) October 4, 2022

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"This has been a truly spectacular start to the [Prime Minister] Liz Truss era. She somehow managed to throw the U.K. markets into turmoil, disappear, and enrage her own party, all in less than a month. It is genuinely hard to put the scale of what she just did into words—sadly, because all the words that apply can't be said on television." —John Oliver

“I literally don’t even understand what that means. My sense of manhood is not connected to whether or not my vehicle is fueled by gasoline or whether it’s fueled by electricity.” —Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg on Fox News, responding to Rep. Marjorie Taylor-Greene's remark that electric vehicles "emasculate" drivers.

And now, our feature presentation...

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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, October 7, 2022

Note: Full “hunters moon” Sunday night. Make a note to get yer butt out in the back yard, look up, think of Neil Armstrong and all the NASA pioneers who have gone to the great beyond, and give it a wink. It’s the law. —Officer Lightyear

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By the Numbers:

8 days!!!

Days 'til Halloween: 24

Days 'til the Taste of Soul Family Festival in Los Angeles: 8

British Prime Minister Liz Truss's overall approval rating, according to a new YouGov poll over there: 11%

Her approval rating among conservatives in her own party: 30%

Expected worldwide economic growth next year, according to the WTO: 1%

Age of James Bond's film debut in Dr. No as of Wednesday: 60

Estimated number of years that modern-day Halloween can be traced back in time, starting with the ancient Celtic festival known as Samhain: 2,000

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Puppy Pic of the Day (sound up): Weekend plans…

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CHEERS to leaving another bizarre-o week behind us. Never a dull moment on the blue marble. Just a quick recap before I pop the cork out of my jug of XXX-brand rotgut and commit an act of mass murder in Braincellvania:

» Hurricane Ketanji Brown-Jackson made landfall in the Supreme Court and leveled the Federalist Society stooges, whose arguments were built of straw and bullshit.

» President Biden continued getting shit done, including fast-tracking relief for Florida and Puerto Rico in person without causing a single paper towel-related injury. He also announced new reproductive-freedom guidelines, massive high-tech manufacturing plants worth $120 billion that will set up shop in New York, pardons for simple marijuana-conviction offenders, and more aid for Ukraine.

Thanks to President Biden, soon every day might be 420 Day.

» Ukraine clawed back territory so much faster than expected that they're now taking selfies in Red Square. Vladimir Putin continues sleeping with one eye open far away from upper-floor windows.

» No one knows which number is greater in the life of MAGA Georgia senate candidate Herschel Walker: the number of out-of-wedlock children he has, or the number of secret abortions he paid for. But one thing we do know: Republicans continue supporting him as their favorite no-sex-out-of-wedlock, no-abortions-ever candidate.

» No one knows which number is greater in the life of MAGA Pennsylvania senate candidate Dr. Mehmet Oz: the number of puppies he murdered in the name of his quack science, or the number of people he sent to the ER because they took his quack remedies.

» Iran's 13th century-minded male mullahs continued getting owned by 21st-century schoolgirls.

» All of the investigations into the Trump crime syndicate continue. As in, continue to be stalled because of his mastery at the tactic known as rage-and-delay.

» The midterm pollsters continued admitting that "this year is different" so don’t listen to a thing they say but do continue giving them a paycheck.

For the other 729 developments of enormous consequence, see our broadsheet summary that we stapled to the telephone pole in front of our house. Unless the squirrels tore it off while chasing each other up and down it, in which case see our broadsheet summary on the ground in front of the telephone pole in front of our house.

CHEERS to this year's designated #1 peacemakers. The Nobel Committee's most prestigious award was handed out today, and I'm as shocked as you must be that it's not the previous U.S. president for planning and staging the peaceful transfer of classified national security documents from the White House to the omelet bar at Mar-a-Lago. Instead, they chose…

Jailed human rights advocate Ales Bialiatski from Belarus, the Russian human rights organization Memorial, and the Ukrainian human rights organization Center for Civil Liberties were announced as the 2022 winners at a ceremony in Oslo.

This is the actual size of the Nobel Prize. Sadly, many inadvertently end up in gumball machines.

“This year’s laureates represent civil society in their home countries. They have for many years promoted the right to criticize power and protect the fundamental rights of citizens,” said Norwegian Nobel Committee Chair Berit Reiss-Andersen. “They have made an outstanding effort to document war crimes, human right abuses and the abuse of power. Together they demonstrate the significance of civil society for peace and democracy,” she added.

Among the much-bandied-about nominees (343 total this year) who didn’t make the cut this year: Ukraine's president Volodymyr Zelenskyy; the World Health Organization, Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny, the Committee to Protect Journalists, and also me, for forging a lasting peace between the warring factions of squirrels in their territorial boundary dispute between Eastern Porch Roof and Western Porch Roof. (And we have the scars to prove it.)

CHEERS to civility. The "Complete Book of Etiquette" was first published 70 years ago today, on October 8, 1952. Lesson #1: Be nice to everyone. Lesson #2: If Lesson #1 doesn’t work, release the spike in the toe of your shoe and aim for the shins.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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Cats.. ?‍? ? @SpotTheLoon2010 pic.twitter.com/B0ChrXIkXH

— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) September 28, 2022

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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JEERS to Groundhog Day: Gridiron Edition. 106 years ago, on October 7, 1916, the Georgia Tech Engineers scored a touchdown against the Cumberland University (Tennessee) Bulldogs. Then they scored another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. By the time they were done, the scoreboard read 222-0—the most lopsided game in college football history. When asked by their coach why they didn't execute any of the plays they'd spent three months practicing, the Cumberland players responded: "You didn't say please." It's always the little things.

CHEERS to home vegetation. Here are a few tidbits on the TV schedule for the weekend. As always, Chris Hayes and the MSNBC crew pick up the Friday news dump pieces and put 'em back together. Rep. Cori Bush (D-MO) is the guest on PBS’s Firing Line at 8:30ET. If you’re a glutton for ill-informed old men yelling at clouds, Chris Christie and Chris Wallace join Bill Maher on HBO's Real Time at 10. Then at 11 on BBC America, the guests on the season premiere of The Graham Norton Show include Jamie Lee Curtis and Eric Idle.

Stoked about that start of NHL season.

The most popular movies and streamers, new and old, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NFL schedule is here, the opening day NHL schedule is here, while glorious baseball lineup for homeland and superior American pastime havings is here. Brendan Gleeson hosts SNL.

Sunday on 60 Minutes: reports on the situation in Taiwan and the Southern Baptist Convention’s sickening scandal where children were groomed for sex by MAGA heterosexuals). Lisa joins the now-coed Boy Scouts on The Simpsons Sunday night at 8, Stewie is gifted an SUV on Family Guy, and the weekend comes to a close with a witty Britty recap from John Oliver on HBO’s Last Week Tonight.

Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:

Meet the Press: Reps. Elissa Slotkin (D-MI) and Don Bacon (The Cult-NE); Maggie Haberman.

Also: the ghost of Lincoln shows up to officially announce he’s switching to the Democratic party because “Them Repubs is cray-cray.”

This Week: Coordinator for Strategic Communications at the White House National Security Council John Kirby Former; former Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Adm. Mike Mullen.

Face the Nation: Arizona candidates for governor Katie Hobbs (D) and Kari Lake (The Cult); new battleground polling.

CNN's State of the Union: Senator Chris Murphy (D-CT); former Governor, Ambassador to the UN, and Energy Secretary Bill Richardson (D-NM).

Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Former MAGA Secretary of State Mike Pompeo; sportcaster Jim Gray.

Happy viewing!

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Ten years ago in C&J: October 7, 2012

CHEERS to Dear Abby. The original advice columnist, Pauline Phillips, is no longer with us. But her daughter, Jeanne Phillips, still keeps the advice flowing. Kudos to her for mincing no words:

Dear Readers: If you like the way things are going, VOTE. If you don’t like the way things are going, VOTE. If you have never voted before, VOTE. (Don’t be embarrassed by your ignorance—when you get there, they’ll show you how.)

If you’re not registered to vote and don’t know where to register, contact the League of Women Voters, your county registrar’s office or your secretary of state’s office for details. All are listed in your phone directory or online. The deadlines for registering vary from state to state. Don’t let anything—or anybody—keep you from voting on Tuesday, Nov. 6.

That includes the biggest obstacle to the voting booth: Republicans.

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And just one more…

CHEERS to living saints. The late Archbishop Desmond Tutu, the 1984 Nobel Peace Prize winner and all-around amazing human being, would’ve been 91 today. A few reasons why we’ll always love the loveable lug:

"If you want to make peace, you speak to your enemy. You don’t shoot him or her. You don’t raise your voice; improve your argument, my father would have quite correctly advised."

“I would refuse to go to a homophobic heaven. No, I would say sorry, I would much rather go to the other place.”

"I've been married for 56 years and Leah has been very good at keeping my head the right size. Once I was driving and when I looked at her she looked slightly more complacent and self-satisfied than usual. When I wondered why, she showed me this bumper sticker that said: Any woman who wants to be equal to a man has no ambition.”

"As a young priest I traveled to the United States to meet leaders of the civil rights movement, and rejoiced in their victories over prejudice and discrimination. Today, I battle to reconcile that joy with the disproportionate number of African Americans in prison and being shot in the streets."

Ten years ago: President Obama greets the Archbishop at the Desmond Tutu HIV Foundation Youth Centre in Cape Town, South Africa.

"In the end, the perpetrators of injustice or oppression—the ones who strut the stage of the world often seemingly unbeatable—there is no doubt at all that they will bite the dust. Ha ha ha ha ha!! Wonderful! Wonderful! Wonderful!"

"Children are a wonderful gift. They have an extraordinary capacity to see into the heart of things and to expose sham and humbug for what they are."

"I don't preach a social gospel; I preach the Gospel, period. The gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is concerned for the whole person. When people were hungry, Jesus didn't say, `Now is that political or social?' He said, ‘I feed you.'"

Or, as translated by America's right-wing religious grifter class that excuses every daily act of immorality perpetrated by their so-called “Christian” leaders: "Blah blah blah..."

Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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