Happy Columbus D...
Oh wait, I’ve just been handed this:
YouTube Video
So, as I was saying: Happy Indigenous Peoples Day.
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, October 10, 2022
Note: Please reduce speed to 50 mph as work crews try to figure out why they laid out fifteen miles of orange construction cones last night after closing down the bar. Safety first! —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
5 days!!!
Days 'til the midterm elections: 29
Days 'til the Valparaiso Fall Harvest Festival in Indiana: 5
Estimated GDP for the third quarter of 2022, beating the original forecast: 2.9%
Percent of Covid patients over 50 treated with Paxlovid who died, according to a study of 568,000 patients by Epic Research: 0.016%
Average interest rate for, respectively, new and used cars, according to Cox Automotive: 7%, 11%
Total automotive inventory increase at the end of September, the highest level since May 2021 as supply chain issues are resolved: 1.43 million
Drop in Tesla's stock price last week, thanks in part to his obsession with buying Twitter: -16%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Monday morning commute...
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CHEERS to jobs, jobs, jobs. The numbers aren't eye-popping relative to some of the blockbuster months of the recent past, but the September jobs report released Friday wasn't half bad: 263-thousand new jobs and unemployment rate steady at 3.5 percent. Some added details from Master Abacus Clacker Billy McBride at Calculated Risk:
Worth noting that, in addition to getting last month wrong, the professionals who are hired to predict jobs reports were off by a combined extra 11,000 for July and August. Amazingly, they still have their jobs.
CHEERS to my new best bud. It's high time we did something at the federal level about our country's ludicrous marijuana laws, which have been based on massive lies and hysteria spun out of whole hemp cloth since the 1930s by—say it with me—conservatives looking to gin up fear and loathing to score political points. Ninety years and 15 presidents later, Democrat Joe Biden becomes the sitting POTUS with enough courage and common sense to stare down the Puritans and part the clouds of disinformation:
The response: near-universal praise and massive public support. And thus ends (mostly) our national obsession with vilifying a flowering plant that is infinitely more medically useful and recreationally benign than alcohol—not with a bang but with a "huh huh huhuhhuh" and a fresh bag of Doritos. God Bless America. Don’t toke and drive.
JEERS to the original nattering nabob of negativism. On October 10, 1973, Vice President Spiro Agnew resigned in disgrace. His exit was in stark contrast to the first veep to leave while in office:
Poor guy was ahead of his time. Forty-nine years later tax evasion is the biggest plank in the Republican party platform.
CHEERS to landmark landmarks. 134 years ago this week, in 1888, the public was first allowed inside the Washington Monument:
Visitors to the monument that day were thrilled at the sight. Unfortunately, their enthusiasm quickly turned to disappointment when they realized there was no launch button.
CHEERS to the latest from our international desk. Over to you, Chet, for the latest on Ukraine’s defense against the Russian invasion:
Thanks, Chet. After the break, Chet has your Monday weather, followed by sports with Chet, and then Chet visits a farm where a lobster has adopted the cutest baby goat you've ever seen. I'm Chet, and as soon as this newscast is over I'm firing the director in charge of anchor-desk scheduling. Unfortunately for me, it's Chet.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 10, 2012
CHEERS to bright medals for bright minds. Yay!!! It's Nobel Prize Giving Away Time! The latest winners received their award for, literally, their body of work:
The most effective way of turning a mature cell into an immature one? Teach it fart jokes.
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And just one more…
JEERS to a teeth-grinding milestone in the history of human insanity. Twenty years—now a full generation—ago today, on October 10, 2002, the House took leave of its senses and said "Okely Dokely" by a 296-133 margin to let President Bush the Dumber go to war against Iraq without actually, y'know, declaring war. I can hit the highlights of the ensuing debacle from memory without going anywhere near the Google. You know the words, too, so feel free to sing along:
The biggest cheerleaders of the war that lasted eight years still say they'd love to do Iraq all over again if they could. With one small difference. Knowing what a marathon it'd be, next time they'd definitely do more carbo-loading.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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-
Oh wait, I’ve just been handed this:
YouTube Video
-
So, as I was saying: Happy Indigenous Peoples Day.
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, October 10, 2022
Note: Please reduce speed to 50 mph as work crews try to figure out why they laid out fifteen miles of orange construction cones last night after closing down the bar. Safety first! —Mgt.
-
By the Numbers:
5 days!!!
Days 'til the midterm elections: 29
Days 'til the Valparaiso Fall Harvest Festival in Indiana: 5
Estimated GDP for the third quarter of 2022, beating the original forecast: 2.9%
Percent of Covid patients over 50 treated with Paxlovid who died, according to a study of 568,000 patients by Epic Research: 0.016%
Average interest rate for, respectively, new and used cars, according to Cox Automotive: 7%, 11%
Total automotive inventory increase at the end of September, the highest level since May 2021 as supply chain issues are resolved: 1.43 million
Drop in Tesla's stock price last week, thanks in part to his obsession with buying Twitter: -16%
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Monday morning commute...
-
CHEERS to jobs, jobs, jobs. The numbers aren't eye-popping relative to some of the blockbuster months of the recent past, but the September jobs report released Friday wasn't half bad: 263-thousand new jobs and unemployment rate steady at 3.5 percent. Some added details from Master Abacus Clacker Billy McBride at Calculated Risk:
Worth noting that, in addition to getting last month wrong, the professionals who are hired to predict jobs reports were off by a combined extra 11,000 for July and August. Amazingly, they still have their jobs.
CHEERS to my new best bud. It's high time we did something at the federal level about our country's ludicrous marijuana laws, which have been based on massive lies and hysteria spun out of whole hemp cloth since the 1930s by—say it with me—conservatives looking to gin up fear and loathing to score political points. Ninety years and 15 presidents later, Democrat Joe Biden becomes the sitting POTUS with enough courage and common sense to stare down the Puritans and part the clouds of disinformation:
First: I’m pardoning all prior federal offenses of simple marijuana possession. There are thousands of people who were previously convicted of simple possession who may be denied employment, housing, or educational opportunities as a result. My pardon will remove this burden.
Second: I’m calling on governors to pardon simple state marijuana possession offenses. Just as no one should be in a federal prison solely for possessing marijuana, no one should bein a local jail or state prison for that reason, either.
Third: We classify marijuana at the same level as heroin—and more serious than fentanyl. It makes no sense. I’m asking Secretary Becerra and the Attorney General to initiate the process of reviewing how marijuana is scheduled under federal law.
The response: near-universal praise and massive public support. And thus ends (mostly) our national obsession with vilifying a flowering plant that is infinitely more medically useful and recreationally benign than alcohol—not with a bang but with a "huh huh huhuhhuh" and a fresh bag of Doritos. God Bless America. Don’t toke and drive.
JEERS to the original nattering nabob of negativism. On October 10, 1973, Vice President Spiro Agnew resigned in disgrace. His exit was in stark contrast to the first veep to leave while in office:
John C. Calhoun, the Seventh Vice President of the United States, did so toward the end of his second term, after the election of 1832, when his successor—Martin Van Buren—had already been selected. Calhoun was one of the great statesmen of his day, and quit the vice presidency after the South Carolina legislature voted to send him to the US Senate.
Peas in a corrupt pod.
Agnew, by contrast, quit the vice presidency after pleading no contest to a tax evasion charge. It turned out he'd been taking bribes since the early days of his career in Maryland, and continued to do so after becoming vice president.
Poor guy was ahead of his time. Forty-nine years later tax evasion is the biggest plank in the Republican party platform.
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CHEERS to landmark landmarks. 134 years ago this week, in 1888, the public was first allowed inside the Washington Monument:
Visitors to the monument that day were thrilled at the sight. Unfortunately, their enthusiasm quickly turned to disappointment when they realized there was no launch button.
CHEERS to the latest from our international desk. Over to you, Chet, for the latest on Ukraine’s defense against the Russian invasion:
Thanks, Chet. After the break, Chet has your Monday weather, followed by sports with Chet, and then Chet visits a farm where a lobster has adopted the cutest baby goat you've ever seen. I'm Chet, and as soon as this newscast is over I'm firing the director in charge of anchor-desk scheduling. Unfortunately for me, it's Chet.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 10, 2012
CHEERS to bright medals for bright minds. Yay!!! It's Nobel Prize Giving Away Time! The latest winners received their award for, literally, their body of work:
The most effective way of turning a mature cell into an immature one? Teach it fart jokes.
-
And just one more…
JEERS to a teeth-grinding milestone in the history of human insanity. Twenty years—now a full generation—ago today, on October 10, 2002, the House took leave of its senses and said "Okely Dokely" by a 296-133 margin to let President Bush the Dumber go to war against Iraq without actually, y'know, declaring war. I can hit the highlights of the ensuing debacle from memory without going anywhere near the Google. You know the words, too, so feel free to sing along:
Smoking gun/mushroom cloud, yellowcake from Niger (not!), MASSIVE QUANTITIES OF WMDs!!!, Shock and Awe, Saddam spokesman "Baghdad Bob" declares victory over USA, Saddam statue pulled down and beaten with shoes, war will be over "in weeks," it'll cost only $1.7 billion, looting is OK because "free people are free to do what they want” …
Codpiece and functioning brain sold separately.
Viceroy Bremer disbands Iraqi military, U.N. building blown up, Saddam sons Don Jr. and Eric Uday & Qusay lose gunfight, body and vehicle armor inadequate, disheveled Saddam found in spider hole, Sunni vs. Shia vs. Kurds vs. Christians, WMDs WILL BE FOUND in "Tikrit and Baghdad and areas north, east, west and south somewhat," Saddam snacks on Doritos in captivity, suicide bombs explode morning noon and night, Abu Ghraib, Saddam's hanging caught on phone-cams, WHERE ARE THE WMDs???, al Qaeda recruitment skyrockets, "You go to war with the army you have not the army you wish to have," stunning incompetence among U.S. civilian leadership, insurgency "is in its last throes" (not!), casualty rate among troops and civilians appallingly high, "THOSE WMDS HAVE GOT TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE!", no-bid contracts to Bush-Cheney cronies, spotty electricity and raw sewage, no sweets and flowers, “the surge,” Blackwater mercenaries commit atrocities, Iraqi parliament models itself on our Congress by not doing anything and spending half its time on vacation, faulty wiring electrocutes troops in showers, 26 additional reasons given by neocons for starting the war when NO WMDs ARE FOUND, Bush barely dodges shoes thrown at his head, Obama supervises orderly pullout as $2.4 trillion+ gets plunked on America's credit card and blows hole in deficit. Tea Party deficit hawks shrug.
The biggest cheerleaders of the war that lasted eight years still say they'd love to do Iraq all over again if they could. With one small difference. Knowing what a marathon it'd be, next time they'd definitely do more carbo-loading.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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