Late Night Snark: Minority Mitch Edition
Continued...
And now, our feature presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, November 18, 2022
Note: A reminder that tomorrow is Have A Bad Day Day. If you violate the spirit of the occasion by having a good day, that would be very bad, which would actually make your good day a bad day. Good for you! (In a bad way. Which is good! But that’s bad. Good! Good bad!)
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By the Numbers:
7 days!!!
Days 'til the Warnock-Walker runoff election: 18
Days 'til the start of Winterfest 2022 in Seattle: 7
Number of points by which Sen. Brian Schatz won his reelection to the Senate over his MAGA challenger in Hawaii: 45
Average per-pound price of frozen turkeys this year, according to the USDA: $0.97
Number of women who will have served as editor of The Boston Globe in its 150-year history when Nancy Barnes becomes its 13th editor: 1
Number of volunteer florists, including Topsham, Maine's Wendy Herrick, who will help First Lady Jill Biden decorate the White House for War-on-Christmas this year: 100
Page on which Trump's campaign announcement appeared in Rupert Murdoch's New York Post Wednesday morning: 26
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Puppy Pic of the Day: In Ukraine…Saved!!!
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CHEERS to speaking softly and carrying a big gavel. If you want to see the ultimate visual description of the phrase "…pales in comparison to," take a picture of predecessors Paul Ryan, John Boehner, Dennis Hastert, and Newt F*cking Gingrich standing next to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. She crapped bigger than them, had more brain power in her pinky than they had in their thick heads, and over eight years was an accomplishment machine. If the Senate had passed more of what she shepherded through her chamber—like election reform and voting rights—the United States would be a kickass democratic republic instead of a sinking ship torpedoed by arcane rules and atrophy. But she worked her ass off 'til she was an octogenarian, and she deserves to power down…
On a personal note, the Affordable Care Act she championed literally saved me from bankruptcy during my double bouts of cancer. And re-taking the reins during our plunge into Trumpian fascism probably saved the country, something for which no amount of roses can ever sufficiently say "thank you." So I'm sending her 10,000 bags of candy corn from my personal strategic reserve (lovingly stored in a Kansas salt mine) instead. There—I believe we're all squared up, ma'am.
CHEERS to the scrapper from Scranton. Speaking of Democratic accomplishment machines, Happy Birthday (and many blessings on your camels) tomorrow to America's 46th President, whose way with words—intentional and otherwise—is a thing to behold:
And the best thing anyone ever said to Donald Trump's face, and boy do I envy Joe for being the one to do it:
Two years ago he shut him up real good, with a little help from 80 million of his friends. Joe turns 80 tomorrow—and that's no malarkey. But it is a BFD.
YAWN to the Big Shrug. Speaking of “Will you shut up, man,” a twice-impeached one-term former Republican president, currently under multiple criminal and civil investigations for everything from theft of national-security secrets to attempted theft of a presidential election, dripped orange rage sweat onto his microphone this week as he announced he would like to be the Republican president again in an election that won’t happen for another 24 months. The audience yawned…Fox News cut away from it…and even his immediate family said whatevs. For the life of me I can't remember his name. Fuckity McFuckface, according to my notes.
JEERS to drinking the Kool-Aid (as in, really drinking the Kool-Aid, except perhaps not, which I'll explain in a moment). There's a paragraph in the late Randy Shilts's brilliant book, The Mayor of Castro Street: The Life and Times of Harvey Milk, that reveals the Rev. Jim Jones' influence in San Francisco politics (Mayor Moscone actually made him chairman of the city Housing Authority, if you can believe that) during the mid-70s, before he moved his sheeple to Guyana:
No shit. Today is the 44th anniversary of the infamous Jonestown massacre. At least 900 followers drank grape Flavor Aid (not Kool-Aid) laced with cyanide. Time's cover said it all: Cult of Death. By the way, what's the difference between the Jones cult and the Republican party? What Republicans want to force down our throat will kill all of us.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Ahhh...the airwaves are blessedly free of obnoxious political ads, clearing the way for a weekend of blissful boob-tubage during which we’ll only have to contend with obnoxious drug ads and obnoxious MyPillow ads.
John Oliver wraps up another season of HBO’s ‘Last Week Tonight’ this weekend, and the mutant attack squirrels are NOT happy.
As always, MSNBC is the place to go for details of any Friday night news dumps. The new movies (The Menu with Ralph Fiennes and Spirited with Will Ferrell and Octavia Spencer top the list) and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. Brendan Fraser, now getting lots of awards buzz for his comeback movie The Whale, hosts SNL. The NFL schedule is here, the NBA schedule is here, and the NHL schedule is here.
Sunday on 60 Minutes: a report on the Wyoming Honor Farm, a state-run minimum-security prison helping with the wild horse population through a program where inmates train the horses. Lisa and Bart throw the ultimate slumber party on The Simpsons, and a pop star unleashes her fans on Stewie for a benign comment on Family Guy. Awards season starts ramping up with the American Music Awards Sunday at 8 on ABC. (As usual, all my money's on a clean sweep by The Singing Dogs.) And, sadly, enjoy your last fill of John Oliver for a while Sunday night at 11 because it's his season finale—and what a great season it was—of HBO’s Last Week Tonight.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 18, 2012
JEERS to Charlie's Web. Maine Republican party chairman Charlie Webster was so sure that Democrats had been stealing elections, he forced precious time and taxpayer dollars to be wasted on an unnecessary statewide voter-fraud investigation that turned up—of course—nothing. Well, Mr. Paranoid is back, and this time his accusation has gotten a bit more colorful:
Got that? Democrats are so crafty that they apparently hatched a plan to send "hundreds" of black people to rural polling places where "nobody knows anybody who's black" in the hopes of adding Democratic votes to the totals in those areas without arousing suspicion. Brilliant! But wrong. The Democrats' real plan to keep winning elections in Maine is much simpler: keeping Charlie Webster's mouth in good working order.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to words that Republicans have apparently forgotten all about. On tomorrow’s date in 1863, President Lincoln—who would’ve quit the party long ago if he was around to see what it had become—delivered The Gettysburg Address as he dedicated a national cemetery at the Pennsylvania battlefield. I read these words every year and their simple elegance makes me appreciate them more each time. What a distillation of the American experiment, and what a road map for how we recently slogged our way through the worst leadership vacuum ever:
If you want the condensed version, here's the corporate-approved PowerPoint Presentation of the speech. (The “next” button is in the lower right-hand corner). A century and a half later we still haven't perished. But Lincoln would no doubt be alarmed at the rabid wave of Republican dotardism that followed when the 45th president brought his thuggish brand of disgrace to Gettysburg during his 2016 campaign, and to the entire nation in 2017. Thankfully, the twice-impeached Jefferson Davis clone got booted from office, and the dead shall, for now at least, not have died in vain. Watch this space.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Continued...
You are now below the fold. All that separates you from Hell is a plywood floor and a throw rug.
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, November 18, 2022
Note: A reminder that tomorrow is Have A Bad Day Day. If you violate the spirit of the occasion by having a good day, that would be very bad, which would actually make your good day a bad day. Good for you! (In a bad way. Which is good! But that’s bad. Good! Good bad!)
-
By the Numbers:
7 days!!!
Days 'til the Warnock-Walker runoff election: 18
Days 'til the start of Winterfest 2022 in Seattle: 7
Number of points by which Sen. Brian Schatz won his reelection to the Senate over his MAGA challenger in Hawaii: 45
Average per-pound price of frozen turkeys this year, according to the USDA: $0.97
Number of women who will have served as editor of The Boston Globe in its 150-year history when Nancy Barnes becomes its 13th editor: 1
Number of volunteer florists, including Topsham, Maine's Wendy Herrick, who will help First Lady Jill Biden decorate the White House for War-on-Christmas this year: 100
Page on which Trump's campaign announcement appeared in Rupert Murdoch's New York Post Wednesday morning: 26
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: In Ukraine…Saved!!!
-
CHEERS to speaking softly and carrying a big gavel. If you want to see the ultimate visual description of the phrase "…pales in comparison to," take a picture of predecessors Paul Ryan, John Boehner, Dennis Hastert, and Newt F*cking Gingrich standing next to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. She crapped bigger than them, had more brain power in her pinky than they had in their thick heads, and over eight years was an accomplishment machine. If the Senate had passed more of what she shepherded through her chamber—like election reform and voting rights—the United States would be a kickass democratic republic instead of a sinking ship torpedoed by arcane rules and atrophy. But she worked her ass off 'til she was an octogenarian, and she deserves to power down…
On a personal note, the Affordable Care Act she championed literally saved me from bankruptcy during my double bouts of cancer. And re-taking the reins during our plunge into Trumpian fascism probably saved the country, something for which no amount of roses can ever sufficiently say "thank you." So I'm sending her 10,000 bags of candy corn from my personal strategic reserve (lovingly stored in a Kansas salt mine) instead. There—I believe we're all squared up, ma'am.
CHEERS to the scrapper from Scranton. Speaking of Democratic accomplishment machines, Happy Birthday (and many blessings on your camels) tomorrow to America's 46th President, whose way with words—intentional and otherwise—is a thing to behold:
"There's only three things [Rudy Giuliani] mentions in a sentence: a noun, a verb and 9/11."
“The only thing I know is I ain't changing my brand. I know what I believe. I'm confident in what I know. And I'm gonna say it. And if folks like it, wonderful. If they don't like it, I understand.”
"You ever been to a caucus? No you haven't. You're a lying dog-faced pony soldier."
“Don't tell me what you value—show me your budget and I'll tell you what you value.”
“My dad used to have an expression: 'It is the lucky person who gets up in the morning, puts both feet on the floor, knows what they are about to do, and thinks it still matters.'”
And the best thing anyone ever said to Donald Trump's face, and boy do I envy Joe for being the one to do it:
Two years ago he shut him up real good, with a little help from 80 million of his friends. Joe turns 80 tomorrow—and that's no malarkey. But it is a BFD.
YAWN to the Big Shrug. Speaking of “Will you shut up, man,” a twice-impeached one-term former Republican president, currently under multiple criminal and civil investigations for everything from theft of national-security secrets to attempted theft of a presidential election, dripped orange rage sweat onto his microphone this week as he announced he would like to be the Republican president again in an election that won’t happen for another 24 months. The audience yawned…Fox News cut away from it…and even his immediate family said whatevs. For the life of me I can't remember his name. Fuckity McFuckface, according to my notes.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to drinking the Kool-Aid (as in, really drinking the Kool-Aid, except perhaps not, which I'll explain in a moment). There's a paragraph in the late Randy Shilts's brilliant book, The Mayor of Castro Street: The Life and Times of Harvey Milk, that reveals the Rev. Jim Jones' influence in San Francisco politics (Mayor Moscone actually made him chairman of the city Housing Authority, if you can believe that) during the mid-70s, before he moved his sheeple to Guyana:
"Make sure you're always nice to the Peoples Temple," [Milk] admonished [campaign volunteer Tory Hartmann].
“Weird and dangerous.”
"If they ask you to do something, do it, and then send them a note thanking them for asking you to do it. They're weird and they're dangerous, and you never want to be on their bad side."
No shit. Today is the 44th anniversary of the infamous Jonestown massacre. At least 900 followers drank grape Flavor Aid (not Kool-Aid) laced with cyanide. Time's cover said it all: Cult of Death. By the way, what's the difference between the Jones cult and the Republican party? What Republicans want to force down our throat will kill all of us.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Ahhh...the airwaves are blessedly free of obnoxious political ads, clearing the way for a weekend of blissful boob-tubage during which we’ll only have to contend with obnoxious drug ads and obnoxious MyPillow ads.
John Oliver wraps up another season of HBO’s ‘Last Week Tonight’ this weekend, and the mutant attack squirrels are NOT happy.
As always, MSNBC is the place to go for details of any Friday night news dumps. The new movies (The Menu with Ralph Fiennes and Spirited with Will Ferrell and Octavia Spencer top the list) and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. Brendan Fraser, now getting lots of awards buzz for his comeback movie The Whale, hosts SNL. The NFL schedule is here, the NBA schedule is here, and the NHL schedule is here.
Sunday on 60 Minutes: a report on the Wyoming Honor Farm, a state-run minimum-security prison helping with the wild horse population through a program where inmates train the horses. Lisa and Bart throw the ultimate slumber party on The Simpsons, and a pop star unleashes her fans on Stewie for a benign comment on Family Guy. Awards season starts ramping up with the American Music Awards Sunday at 8 on ABC. (As usual, all my money's on a clean sweep by The Singing Dogs.) And, sadly, enjoy your last fill of John Oliver for a while Sunday night at 11 because it's his season finale—and what a great season it was—of HBO’s Last Week Tonight.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Man going nowhere fast Mike Pence.
This Week: Rep, Adam Schiff (D-CA); Worst Speaker of the House in history Paul Ryan of the Cultist party; former Sen. Heidi Heitkamp (D-ND); Nate Silver blames his terrible 2022 Senate prediction on a bad case of rickets.
The Sunday shows will laud the finger-pointer on the left, and yawn at the finger-pointee on the right.
CNN's State of the Union: Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY); Rep. Adam Kinzinger (D-IL).
Face the Nation: Human marshmallow Mike Pence; Los Angeles Mayor-elect Karen Bass (D); House Judiciary Committee member Rep. Zoe Lofgren (D-CA).
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Sen. Tom Cotton (The Cult-AR); Sen. Mark Warner (D-VA).
Happy viewing!
-
Ten years ago in C&J: November 18, 2012
JEERS to Charlie's Web. Maine Republican party chairman Charlie Webster was so sure that Democrats had been stealing elections, he forced precious time and taxpayer dollars to be wasted on an unnecessary statewide voter-fraud investigation that turned up—of course—nothing. Well, Mr. Paranoid is back, and this time his accusation has gotten a bit more colorful:
Got that? Democrats are so crafty that they apparently hatched a plan to send "hundreds" of black people to rural polling places where "nobody knows anybody who's black" in the hopes of adding Democratic votes to the totals in those areas without arousing suspicion. Brilliant! But wrong. The Democrats' real plan to keep winning elections in Maine is much simpler: keeping Charlie Webster's mouth in good working order.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to words that Republicans have apparently forgotten all about. On tomorrow’s date in 1863, President Lincoln—who would’ve quit the party long ago if he was around to see what it had become—delivered The Gettysburg Address as he dedicated a national cemetery at the Pennsylvania battlefield. I read these words every year and their simple elegance makes me appreciate them more each time. What a distillation of the American experiment, and what a road map for how we recently slogged our way through the worst leadership vacuum ever:
“Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
True Fact: Lincoln’s speech was punctuated several times by audience shouts of “You da man!!!”
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.
It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”
If you want the condensed version, here's the corporate-approved PowerPoint Presentation of the speech. (The “next” button is in the lower right-hand corner). A century and a half later we still haven't perished. But Lincoln would no doubt be alarmed at the rabid wave of Republican dotardism that followed when the 45th president brought his thuggish brand of disgrace to Gettysburg during his 2016 campaign, and to the entire nation in 2017. Thankfully, the twice-impeached Jefferson Davis clone got booted from office, and the dead shall, for now at least, not have died in vain. Watch this space.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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