Late Night Snark: July Already? Edition
Continued...
And 14 years ago on The Colbert Report, when a certain Fox News host, whose median viewer age was 72, went apeshit over the fact that the second Yearly Kos (now Netroots Nation) convention in Chicago was going to be huge, with nearly all the presidential candidates attending:
And now, our feature presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, July 9, 2021
Note: Tonight's C&J is paired with a 1945 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild Jeroboam. Please deposit $144,000. Then stand in your front yard, hold your glass real steady, and wait for the wine steward’s helicopter to come by and pour sometime between now and midnight. Enjoy with fish or chicken or whatever. —Maitre d’ Billeh
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By the Numbers:
21 days!!!
Days 'til Christmas: 169
Days 'til the Indiana State Fair: 21
Number of available U.S. jobs as of May, up from 9.19 million in April: 9.21 million
Percent of Americans who consider their lives “thriving” in Gallup’s Live Evaluation Index, a record high for the measurement: 59.2%
Percent of Democrats and Republicans, respectively, polled by ABC News who say they definitely won’t be getting the COVID vaccine 3%, 38%
Percent of Americans in the same poll who say crime is very serious in the United States overall and in their own town, respectively: 59%, 17%
Percent chance that a banana is a berry but a strawberry is not: 100%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Sittin' on the dock of a bay…
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CHEERS to kickin' it into high gear. Enough screwing around—America wants new infrastructure and it wants it now. And, doggone it, they're getting it. Eventually. Maybe:
That should give Republicans just enough time to pull the rug out from under the Democrats. But they’re cuttin’ it pretty close.
JEERS to a gathering of devils. Today marked the start of this year’s second knee-slappin' hootenanny that is the CPAC convention. It's in Texas instead of D.C. this time, on account of they don’t want to remind anyone of their January attempt to overthrow the government. (See the speaker lineup here if you can stomach it.) What you'll see: anger, rage, crazy, tried-and-failed ideas, madness, universally-agreed-upon conspiracy theories, pretzel-twisted logic, xenophobia, homophobia, immigrant-o-phobia, Islamophobia, isolationism, and enough fake news to choke a goat. Plus exciting discussions about the groundbreaking Republican agenda of tax cuts, privatization of everything, the cancellation of cancel culture, writing Black people out of American history, annexation of the vagina and guns, guns, guns. But, of course, the real events get underway after the sun—and the zippers—go down:
I’ll give ‘em credit for this: they take their mantra “drill, baby, drill” very seriously.
CHEERS to"#6." On July 11, 1767, John Quincy Adams—who, despite historian Michele Bachmann's claim, was not a founding father—was born in Braintree, Massachusetts. His presidency was, oh, let's call it a mixed bag. But intellectually he was one of the sharpest pencils in the box, and he followed his White House stint with a remarkable tenure in the House. Adams was also fanatical about that socialist Marxist concept known as "physical fitness," although it once got him in hot (read: cold) water. From Cormac O'Brien's book Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents:
Pay your respects here. But not too loud—his dad's sleeping three feet away and he gets cranky when you darn kids show up with your alien and seditious hippie hair and boom-boom music.
JEERS to bad birthday boys. O.J. Simpson turned 74 today. And for some strange reason, not one person who believes he's innocent was within a mile of his house when he cut the cake.
CHEERS to home vegetation. It's the middle of summer, and you really should spend the weekend outside burning brats, drinking beer and causing horrible gaping wounds with lawn darts and gender-reveal explosives. So all you're getting tonight is the briefest mention of what's on the tube, starting, as usual, with Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow, who will digest today’s Friday news dumps and provide the meaning of it all on MSNBC.
The most popular home videos, new and old, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (FYI: BBC America is airing Planes, Trains and Automobiles and Blazing Saddles tonight.) Sports schedules: MLB here, WNBA here, and the NBA finals here. The Wimbledon matches are on ABC tomorrow and Sunday afternoon, and the 2021 ESPYs are tomorrow night at 8 on ABC. Sunday on 60 Minutes: the war crimes of Syria's president, and how robots are being used to clean up nuclear disaster sites. Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 9, 2011
CHEERS to a fine sendoff. 11:27 yesterday morning: Wheeeeeee!!! The final liftoff of the Shuttle Atlantis (and the 135th overall for the Shuttle program) was a thing of beauty. The four-person crew will dock with the Space Station, unload some spare parts and do some chores. Then they'll give the balky toilet handle one last jiggle and head home, after which the launch pad at the Kennedy Space center will be used for barbeques and bottle rockets. And what of America's galactic ambitions now? USA Today could hardly contain its excitement: "America will be back with a new manned space vehicle at some point." In fact, next week the National Aeronautics and Space Administration will unveil its new chant: "TBA! TBA! TBA!" [7/9/21 Update: 9 years later, America’s manned space flight program roared back to life with the launch of the SpaceX Crew Dragon Resilience. Another went up in April and the third goes up in October. Only glitch so far: the DVD player skips.]
-
And just one more…
HA HA!!! to revisiting the prediction of the century. With the 16th annual Netroots Nation convention green-lit for October both in D.C. and virtually, it's worth remembering that it all started as "Yearly Kos." (Kudos to Pastor Dan Schultz, Gina Cooper, and the team that put in the work to make that first experiment in Vegas such a chocolate fountainy success). But storm clouds gathered that same year when highly-influential right-wing journalist Noel Sheppard insisted that the Great Orange Satan was on the cusp of tumbling into the ash heap of history:
Fifteen years and fourteen successful Netroots Nation conventions later, "The" Daily Kos continues to not implode. We're on great terms with a large number of Democratic lawmakers (Elizabeth Warren, Kirsten Gillibrand, Vice President Kamala Harris), and scores of exciting new candidates, unions, grassroots organizers, and dedicated crusaders inside the liberal universe. Sure, our occasional pie fights are the stuff of legend. But imploding? Please. That’s the Trump organization’s gig.
Oh, and tomorrow is Don’t Step on a Bee Day. Also known as the most popular holiday among bees. Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Continued...
You Are Now Below The Fold. And Nothing Will Ever be The Same.
And 14 years ago on The Colbert Report, when a certain Fox News host, whose median viewer age was 72, went apeshit over the fact that the second Yearly Kos (now Netroots Nation) convention in Chicago was going to be huge, with nearly all the presidential candidates attending:
And now, our feature presentation…
-
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, July 9, 2021
Note: Tonight's C&J is paired with a 1945 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild Jeroboam. Please deposit $144,000. Then stand in your front yard, hold your glass real steady, and wait for the wine steward’s helicopter to come by and pour sometime between now and midnight. Enjoy with fish or chicken or whatever. —Maitre d’ Billeh
-
By the Numbers:
21 days!!!
Days 'til Christmas: 169
Days 'til the Indiana State Fair: 21
Number of available U.S. jobs as of May, up from 9.19 million in April: 9.21 million
Percent of Americans who consider their lives “thriving” in Gallup’s Live Evaluation Index, a record high for the measurement: 59.2%
Percent of Democrats and Republicans, respectively, polled by ABC News who say they definitely won’t be getting the COVID vaccine 3%, 38%
Percent of Americans in the same poll who say crime is very serious in the United States overall and in their own town, respectively: 59%, 17%
Percent chance that a banana is a berry but a strawberry is not: 100%
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Sittin' on the dock of a bay…
-
CHEERS to kickin' it into high gear. Enough screwing around—America wants new infrastructure and it wants it now. And, doggone it, they're getting it. Eventually. Maybe:
Congressional Democrats are eyeing a swift timeline for Senate approval of a $1 trillion bipartisan infrastructure plan, aiming to have the legislation on the floor as early as the week of July 19, according to three sources with knowledge of the matter.
With Kyrsten Sinema in charge of the infrastructure bill, what could possibly go wrong?
The next hurdle for the bipartisan group of more than 20 co-sponsors, led by Sens Kyrsten Sinema, D-Ariz, and Rob Portman, R-Ohio, would be to obtain an official analysis of their bill by the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office which crunches the numbers to see if proposed revenue would cover the desired new spending. That process takes time and usually far longer than most think or want.
Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer has said he wants the bipartisan package considered before the August recess.
That should give Republicans just enough time to pull the rug out from under the Democrats. But they’re cuttin’ it pretty close.
JEERS to a gathering of devils. Today marked the start of this year’s second knee-slappin' hootenanny that is the CPAC convention. It's in Texas instead of D.C. this time, on account of they don’t want to remind anyone of their January attempt to overthrow the government. (See the speaker lineup here if you can stomach it.) What you'll see: anger, rage, crazy, tried-and-failed ideas, madness, universally-agreed-upon conspiracy theories, pretzel-twisted logic, xenophobia, homophobia, immigrant-o-phobia, Islamophobia, isolationism, and enough fake news to choke a goat. Plus exciting discussions about the groundbreaking Republican agenda of tax cuts, privatization of everything, the cancellation of cancel culture, writing Black people out of American history, annexation of the vagina and guns, guns, guns. But, of course, the real events get underway after the sun—and the zippers—go down:
I’ll give ‘em credit for this: they take their mantra “drill, baby, drill” very seriously.
CHEERS to"#6." On July 11, 1767, John Quincy Adams—who, despite historian Michele Bachmann's claim, was not a founding father—was born in Braintree, Massachusetts. His presidency was, oh, let's call it a mixed bag. But intellectually he was one of the sharpest pencils in the box, and he followed his White House stint with a remarkable tenure in the House. Adams was also fanatical about that socialist Marxist concept known as "physical fitness," although it once got him in hot (read: cold) water. From Cormac O'Brien's book Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents:
Pay your respects here. But not too loud—his dad's sleeping three feet away and he gets cranky when you darn kids show up with your alien and seditious hippie hair and boom-boom music.
-
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
JEERS to bad birthday boys. O.J. Simpson turned 74 today. And for some strange reason, not one person who believes he's innocent was within a mile of his house when he cut the cake.
CHEERS to home vegetation. It's the middle of summer, and you really should spend the weekend outside burning brats, drinking beer and causing horrible gaping wounds with lawn darts and gender-reveal explosives. So all you're getting tonight is the briefest mention of what's on the tube, starting, as usual, with Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow, who will digest today’s Friday news dumps and provide the meaning of it all on MSNBC.
The most popular home videos, new and old, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (FYI: BBC America is airing Planes, Trains and Automobiles and Blazing Saddles tonight.) Sports schedules: MLB here, WNBA here, and the NBA finals here. The Wimbledon matches are on ABC tomorrow and Sunday afternoon, and the 2021 ESPYs are tomorrow night at 8 on ABC. Sunday on 60 Minutes: the war crimes of Syria's president, and how robots are being used to clean up nuclear disaster sites. Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: National Security Adviser Jake Sullivan; Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL).
We recommend you tiptoe through these Sunday instead.
This Week: New York City’s next mayor Eric Adams.
Face the Nation: Doc Fauci; United Airlines CEO Scott Kirby; former Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson; former FDA head Scott Gottlieb.
CNN's State of the Union: Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL); Eric Adams; Rep. Chrissy Houlahan (D-PA).
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: TBA
Happy viewing!
-
Ten years ago in C&J: July 9, 2011
CHEERS to a fine sendoff. 11:27 yesterday morning: Wheeeeeee!!! The final liftoff of the Shuttle Atlantis (and the 135th overall for the Shuttle program) was a thing of beauty. The four-person crew will dock with the Space Station, unload some spare parts and do some chores. Then they'll give the balky toilet handle one last jiggle and head home, after which the launch pad at the Kennedy Space center will be used for barbeques and bottle rockets. And what of America's galactic ambitions now? USA Today could hardly contain its excitement: "America will be back with a new manned space vehicle at some point." In fact, next week the National Aeronautics and Space Administration will unveil its new chant: "TBA! TBA! TBA!" [7/9/21 Update: 9 years later, America’s manned space flight program roared back to life with the launch of the SpaceX Crew Dragon Resilience. Another went up in April and the third goes up in October. Only glitch so far: the DVD player skips.]
-
And just one more…
HA HA!!! to revisiting the prediction of the century. With the 16th annual Netroots Nation convention green-lit for October both in D.C. and virtually, it's worth remembering that it all started as "Yearly Kos." (Kudos to Pastor Dan Schultz, Gina Cooper, and the team that put in the work to make that first experiment in Vegas such a chocolate fountainy success). But storm clouds gathered that same year when highly-influential right-wing journalist Noel Sheppard insisted that the Great Orange Satan was on the cusp of tumbling into the ash heap of history:
IS THE DAILY KOS ABOUT TO IMPLODE?
“Daily Kos imploding? I’d better put on my concerned face!”
It appears that the post-Yearly Kos month from hell is continuing for Markos Moulitsas Zuniga, the proprietor of the Internet's premier liberal blog Daily Kos. After receiving some extremely negative press from major publications such as The New York Times, The New Republic and Newsweek immediately following his seemingly successful bloggers' convention in Las Vegas, Kos is now faced with an even greater challenge: dissension within his ranks.
“Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...psych!”
Such internal squabbling comes at the same time that many prominent Democrats seem to be privately expressing concern about the direction the "netroots"—the self-described Internet grassroots movement of liberal bloggers and their loyal followers—are taking the Party. This seemingly inconvenient planetary alignment is not only threatening the long-term viability of this crusade, but also is putting Kos in an uncomfortable position just as his notoriety is skyrocketing.
Fifteen years and fourteen successful Netroots Nation conventions later, "The" Daily Kos continues to not implode. We're on great terms with a large number of Democratic lawmakers (Elizabeth Warren, Kirsten Gillibrand, Vice President Kamala Harris), and scores of exciting new candidates, unions, grassroots organizers, and dedicated crusaders inside the liberal universe. Sure, our occasional pie fights are the stuff of legend. But imploding? Please. That’s the Trump organization’s gig.
Oh, and tomorrow is Don’t Step on a Bee Day. Also known as the most popular holiday among bees. Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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