Thursday Morning Calisthenics
Ready for some upper-face strength training? Via Google, here’s a list of what and who the headlines say are currently "raising eyebrows”...
Feel the burn? Just wait ‘til tomorrow when we trot out the latest list of what and who are "pointing fingers."
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, February 22, 2024
Note: For a complete list of Freedom Caucus members who don’t show up drunk on the House floor, please send us a self-addressed stamped envelope and we'll return it to you empty.
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By the Numbers:
Saturday!!!
Days 'til Easter: 38
Days 'til the Beer, Bourbon & BBQ Festival in Atlanta: 2
Amount raised by the Biden 2024 campaign in January: $42 Million
Biden campaign's current cash on hand: $130 million
Travel on U.S. roads and streets in December, up 2.2% year-over-year: 263.7 billion vehicle miles.
Number of single family built-for-rental homes started in 2020 and 2023, respectively: 44,000 / 85,000
Age of Yoko Ono as of last Sunday: 91
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Bouncy time…
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JEERS to the least-surprising item of the day. Just as the Republicans happily colluded with Russia to throw the 2016 election, now they're happily doing it again in 2024. I never wondered if Jim Jordan, Chuck Grassley, Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, and the rest of the treason caucus could all fit inside Putin's ass at the same time, but we got our answer anyway:
And the MAGA cultists in Congress and right-wing media took those lies, labeled them "the truth" and ran with them as far as they could go, hoping like hell they could inflict real damage on the president and his son. Now it's all gone up in smoke and they're desperately looking for a way to console themselves. I have an idea: I hear Tucker Carlson knows of a great Moscow supermarket that sells ice cream. Beet-potato swirl. Yum-yumski.
CHEERS to Massachusetts liberals. Ted Kennedy was born 92 years ago today and it goes without saying that we on the left still miss him with vigah. Here’s some of our favorite classic Ted talk from 2007: lambasting Republicans for turning down the first increase in the minimum wage in ten years. (Two years later it was raised to $7.25 an hour...a laughable sum today.) I love the routine: like a seasoned baseball player he steps up, knocks the dirt off his shoes, goes through his warm-up moves, gets the nod from awestruck newbie senator Sheldon Whitehouse, and then…Thwack! Off he goes. I will never tire of hearing Ted in righteous-bellow mode…
YouTube Video
Pay your respects here. Today in the C&J cafe: Boston cream pies and keep ‘em comin’.
CHEERS to today's edition of Yeah, Right—I'll Believe It When I See People Kayaking In Death Valley. Courtesy of USA Today:
This has been today's edition of Yeah, Right—I'll Believe It When I See People Kayaking In Death Valley.
YouTube Video
CHEERS to the Miracle on Ice. We'll file this item under "Up Yours, Putin." Forty-four years ago today, on February 22, 1980, the U.S. Olympic hockey team out-skated and outwitted the "unbeatable" Soviet team at Lake Placid, stunning everyone by beating them 4-3. As I mentioned in yesterday’s C&J flashback, I walked around afterward in a t-shirt with a Russian bear getting knocked in the head by a puck and the caption: "Puck You, Russia!" (I'm still surprised my schoolmarms didn’t have a problem with the thinly-veiled F-bomb.) Thankfully, with maturity and the passage of time, I've traded in that ratty old shirt for a sensible Brooks Brothers button-down. It says "Hey, Remember When We Kicked Your Ass in 1980, Russia? That Was Puckin' Awesome!" Because, y'know, we all have to grow up sometime.
JEERS to all you stupid people out there who are so clueless you don’t even know that you're not supposed to put your iPhone in uncooked rice when it gets wet—the phone I mean not the rice, dummy—because you all swallowed the propaganda by the trouble-shooter deep state and now all your iPhones are going to be ruined for the rest of your life. What would’ve been many good, solid, cherished years of growth and fulfillment all RUINED because of your incompetence you foolish foolish fools…
Sincerely,
A landline user who will one day rule the planet because I’ll have the only functioning phone in existence when all the satellites are petulantly destroyed by Elon Musk because someone called him a boogerball on Twitter.
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Ten years ago in C&J: February 22, 2014
JEERS to protesting too loudly. China is angry—VERY ANGRY!!!—that President Obama has the audacity to meet with the Dalai Lama, and they wanted him to cancel the meeting immediately. Yes, if it's one country we should listen to, it's China: where the Dalai Lama is a crazy, evil, unstable enemy who deserves to be thrown in jail, and Kim Jong Un is a trusted, respected and serious ally who deserves to be thrown a parade.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to #1. George Washington’s adventures in 1776, our country’s founding year—starting in Boston routing the redcoats and ending in Pennsylvania strategically retreating from them—was a pinball game of victories and routs punctuated by both strategic cunning and sheer luck. And mud. Lots and lots of mud.
Washington in one of his happier moods.
Thanks to him, we booted the British and formed our own republic which, despite an insurrection in 1861 and another one in 2021 by the heirs of the same nitwits, endures—shakily—to this day. So don’t forget to say "Happieth Birthdayeth" to ol' George today—292 years old and still alive!
(Disclaimer: actual aliveness limited to the hearts of his countrymen. See warranty for details.)
From the day he took office, Washington knew that corruption and special interests would be a fact of life in the halls of power. (Today Republicans would obstruct him at every turn because "We’re still troubled by all the unanswered questions about that cherry tree” and then hold 18 months of committee hearings.) President Biden, meanwhile, has followed in the footsteps of the Father of our Country in many respects:
Roads. Canals. Postal service. Or as the GOPers call them: handouts for the takers. But thank god the lamestream media was on the case to call Washington out on his caliphatic socialist takeover agenda designed to destroy the soul of America:
Washington wasn't perfect. He lied at times. He schemed at times. He threw tantrums. There was that whole owning other human beings thing. But considering he didn’t have much of a POTUS playbook to work with, and no predecessor whose brain he could pick over an evening of bowling and beer, he did okay. Now shine up yer buckles and pay your respects to"#1" here. And then go take advantage of his awesome mattress sales.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Ready for some upper-face strength training? Via Google, here’s a list of what and who the headlines say are currently "raising eyebrows”...
Feel the burn? Just wait ‘til tomorrow when we trot out the latest list of what and who are "pointing fingers."
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, February 22, 2024
Note: For a complete list of Freedom Caucus members who don’t show up drunk on the House floor, please send us a self-addressed stamped envelope and we'll return it to you empty.
-
By the Numbers:
Saturday!!!
Days 'til Easter: 38
Days 'til the Beer, Bourbon & BBQ Festival in Atlanta: 2
Amount raised by the Biden 2024 campaign in January: $42 Million
Biden campaign's current cash on hand: $130 million
Travel on U.S. roads and streets in December, up 2.2% year-over-year: 263.7 billion vehicle miles.
Number of single family built-for-rental homes started in 2020 and 2023, respectively: 44,000 / 85,000
Age of Yoko Ono as of last Sunday: 91
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
It's an election year, yeah! Three long years we've been waiting, and now has come our shining hour. O happy days are here again. The skies above are clear again. Let the festivities commence. […]
Again, we find on the front page of The New York Times the story of a suspicious contract given to a [Howard] Dean aide while Dean was governor. Let's see how much play this story gets compared to a slew of scandals during Bush's governorship, including the time he fired the head of a state commission for enforcing the law against a large contributor who runs funeral homes. […]
On a rather larger issue, we find the media questioning whether any Democrat can compare with Bush on national security. Uh, has anyone looked at Bush's record on national security? In case you hadn't noticed, he got us into what seems to be a hopeless situation in Iraq by lying to us. Our ports aren't protected. Our nuclear plants aren't protected. Our chemical plants aren't protected. And our first-responder drills indicate a gross confusion and lack of coordination. Also, Osama bin Laden has come out of his cave again.
—February 2004
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Bouncy time…
-
JEERS to the least-surprising item of the day. Just as the Republicans happily colluded with Russia to throw the 2016 election, now they're happily doing it again in 2024. I never wondered if Jim Jordan, Chuck Grassley, Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, and the rest of the treason caucus could all fit inside Putin's ass at the same time, but we got our answer anyway:
A former FBI informant who allegedly fed the bureau false information about President Joe Biden and his son Hunter Biden during the 2020 presidential campaign said that some of the information he spread came from “officials associated with Russian intelligence,” prosecutors said in a filing Tuesday. […]
Current status of the MAGA effort to impeach the president.
Smirnov, according to prosecutors with special counsel David Weiss' office, "provided false derogatory information to the FBI" about the Bidens, including the false allegation that officials with Burisma, a Ukrainian energy company that employed Hunter Biden, had paid the Bidens $5 million each and that it would take investigators 10 years to find the fake payments.
And the MAGA cultists in Congress and right-wing media took those lies, labeled them "the truth" and ran with them as far as they could go, hoping like hell they could inflict real damage on the president and his son. Now it's all gone up in smoke and they're desperately looking for a way to console themselves. I have an idea: I hear Tucker Carlson knows of a great Moscow supermarket that sells ice cream. Beet-potato swirl. Yum-yumski.
CHEERS to Massachusetts liberals. Ted Kennedy was born 92 years ago today and it goes without saying that we on the left still miss him with vigah. Here’s some of our favorite classic Ted talk from 2007: lambasting Republicans for turning down the first increase in the minimum wage in ten years. (Two years later it was raised to $7.25 an hour...a laughable sum today.) I love the routine: like a seasoned baseball player he steps up, knocks the dirt off his shoes, goes through his warm-up moves, gets the nod from awestruck newbie senator Sheldon Whitehouse, and then…Thwack! Off he goes. I will never tire of hearing Ted in righteous-bellow mode…
YouTube Video
-
Pay your respects here. Today in the C&J cafe: Boston cream pies and keep ‘em comin’.
CHEERS to today's edition of Yeah, Right—I'll Believe It When I See People Kayaking In Death Valley. Courtesy of USA Today:
Tourists in Death Valley National Park have been enjoying a rare event: the opportunity to play in a lake in one of the driest places in the world.
A temporary lake in Badwater Basin was replenished as California was hit again by an atmospheric river storm over the weekend. The lake was first formed in the wake of Hurricane Hillary in August.
The park service [says] that kayaking in the informally named Lake Manly may last for a couple more weeks and could even remain deep enough to create reflections through April.
This has been today's edition of Yeah, Right—I'll Believe It When I See People Kayaking In Death Valley.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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YouTube Video
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the Miracle on Ice. We'll file this item under "Up Yours, Putin." Forty-four years ago today, on February 22, 1980, the U.S. Olympic hockey team out-skated and outwitted the "unbeatable" Soviet team at Lake Placid, stunning everyone by beating them 4-3. As I mentioned in yesterday’s C&J flashback, I walked around afterward in a t-shirt with a Russian bear getting knocked in the head by a puck and the caption: "Puck You, Russia!" (I'm still surprised my schoolmarms didn’t have a problem with the thinly-veiled F-bomb.) Thankfully, with maturity and the passage of time, I've traded in that ratty old shirt for a sensible Brooks Brothers button-down. It says "Hey, Remember When We Kicked Your Ass in 1980, Russia? That Was Puckin' Awesome!" Because, y'know, we all have to grow up sometime.
JEERS to all you stupid people out there who are so clueless you don’t even know that you're not supposed to put your iPhone in uncooked rice when it gets wet—the phone I mean not the rice, dummy—because you all swallowed the propaganda by the trouble-shooter deep state and now all your iPhones are going to be ruined for the rest of your life. What would’ve been many good, solid, cherished years of growth and fulfillment all RUINED because of your incompetence you foolish foolish fools…
Sincerely,
A landline user who will one day rule the planet because I’ll have the only functioning phone in existence when all the satellites are petulantly destroyed by Elon Musk because someone called him a boogerball on Twitter.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: February 22, 2014
JEERS to protesting too loudly. China is angry—VERY ANGRY!!!—that President Obama has the audacity to meet with the Dalai Lama, and they wanted him to cancel the meeting immediately. Yes, if it's one country we should listen to, it's China: where the Dalai Lama is a crazy, evil, unstable enemy who deserves to be thrown in jail, and Kim Jong Un is a trusted, respected and serious ally who deserves to be thrown a parade.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to #1. George Washington’s adventures in 1776, our country’s founding year—starting in Boston routing the redcoats and ending in Pennsylvania strategically retreating from them—was a pinball game of victories and routs punctuated by both strategic cunning and sheer luck. And mud. Lots and lots of mud.
Washington in one of his happier moods.
Thanks to him, we booted the British and formed our own republic which, despite an insurrection in 1861 and another one in 2021 by the heirs of the same nitwits, endures—shakily—to this day. So don’t forget to say "Happieth Birthdayeth" to ol' George today—292 years old and still alive!
(Disclaimer: actual aliveness limited to the hearts of his countrymen. See warranty for details.)
From the day he took office, Washington knew that corruption and special interests would be a fact of life in the halls of power. (Today Republicans would obstruct him at every turn because "We’re still troubled by all the unanswered questions about that cherry tree” and then hold 18 months of committee hearings.) President Biden, meanwhile, has followed in the footsteps of the Father of our Country in many respects:
As president, [Washington] was particularly sensitive to the diverse interests of the new country and fervent in his efforts to prevent its fragmentation. [...]
Also in GW’s plus column: big fan of vaccine mandates.
He promoted roads, canals, the post office—anything and everything that would bind the different states and regions together. …
Never taking the unity of the country for granted, he remained preoccupied throughout his presidency with creating the sinews of nationhood. … Washington, more than anyone, promoted the sense of Union that Lincoln and others would later uphold.
—From To the Best of My Ability, edited by James McPherson
Roads. Canals. Postal service. Or as the GOPers call them: handouts for the takers. But thank god the lamestream media was on the case to call Washington out on his caliphatic socialist takeover agenda designed to destroy the soul of America:
Washington wasn't perfect. He lied at times. He schemed at times. He threw tantrums. There was that whole owning other human beings thing. But considering he didn’t have much of a POTUS playbook to work with, and no predecessor whose brain he could pick over an evening of bowling and beer, he did okay. Now shine up yer buckles and pay your respects to"#1" here. And then go take advantage of his awesome mattress sales.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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