"This is the only chance you'll get to vote for a Maltese-American left-handed Episcopalian gay war veteran mayor millennial."
New documentary coming next month from Amazon Prime. Mayor Pete “takes viewers inside Buttigieg’s campaign to be the youngest U.S. President, providing an unprecedented intimacy with the candidate, his husband Chasten, and their team … revealing what goes on inside a campaign for the highest office in the land, and how it changes the lives of those involved in it.” A preview:
YouTube Video
Opens November 12. I hate it already. No, not the movie—the MPAA’s “R” rating for “language.” Give me a f***ing break.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 21, 2021
Note: A quick reminder that this is "Save For Retirement Week." Please take the appropriate steps to rob enough banks so you hit your 2021 goals responsibly. And have a nice day. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
8 days!!!
Days 'til the start of 2022 Obamacare enrollment: 11
Days 'til the Boo 'N Brew Craft Beer and Music Festival in my hometown Mount Vernon, Ohio: 8
Approval of U.S. leadership in 46 countries polled by Gallup during Trump's last month in office: 30%
Approval of U.S. leadership this month: 49%
Americans polled by Quinnipiac who consider what happened at the U.S. Capitol on January 6th was an attack on the government, versus 38% who don’t: 59%
The last time WNBA finals viewership was as high as it was this year when the Chicago Sky beat the Phoenix Mercury: 2008
Ocean temperature off the coast of Portland, Maine: 60F
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Canine Javelin…
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CHEERS to order in the court. Even with our recent spike in cases (thank you, Delta variant), Maine remains one of the best, greatest, and most brilliant states for dealing with the pandemic. Our competent state health officials are relying on science, our vaccination rate is high, and a looming vaccine mandate deadline for health care workers will improve the picture even more. Naturally, a gaggle of covidiots is challenging the mandate in court. But they just got swatted down like the pesky pests they are:
The decision was handed down by Justice Stephen Breyer. And you know what, sir? Your nation owes you a debt of gratitude. For your excellent service, you may now retire. Don’t forget your fishin’ pole. And your gavel. And the bust of Judge Wapner you keep on your desk. (But we will need to take back your six-pound skeleton key to the SCOTUS washroom. Justice Oprah will need it.)
JEERS to another big letdown. Senate Democrats teed up the voting rights football again yesterday, assuring the American people that this time—this time, trust us—we'll secure the blessings of liberty by finally putting a stop to the Republicans' Big Lie that massive state-level racism-based election reform is necessary because of all the voter fraud. Just watch us, they said. This time we're gonna wrangle that dastardly filibuster to the ground and slip the Freedom to Vote Act through with 51 votes, by god. And let's see how that worked out:
What's really sad is how inevitable the outcome was. I wrote this item yesterday at 7am. Heckuva job, Chuck. Maybe next time try to corral your caucus with a baseball bat made of something besides Nerf.
CHEERS to Great Moments in Saying Stuff. 160 years ago this week, in 1861, the first coast-to-coast telegram was sent from Chief Justice Stephen Field in California to President Lincoln in Washington, D.C. Field's Message: "Could you find the whereabouts of Amanda Hugginkiss?" Lincoln's reply: "Nice try."
CHEERS to cleaning this filthy place up. And by filthy I mean plasticky. And by plasticky I mean that giant plastic garbage patch in the Pacific Ocean created by the world's worst species, Humanis Shitheadius Maximus. A garbage patch they said it could never be cleaned up—but they're wrong, Mama, they’re so very very wrong! A test run organized by a Dutch kid who got some dang fool idea in his head that a cleaner planet is a happier planet appears to be wildly successful:
The test was so successful that they're now confident they can scoop up half of the plastic within five years, and 90 percent of all floating garbage from all the oceans by 2040. That doesn’t include removing Republicans from the Mar-A-Lago swimming pool because they're marine scientists, dammit, not miracle workers.
CHEERS to flying fingers. On October 21, 1918, a typing speed record was set by Margaret Owen of New York City: 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter. Here's a sample:
If she was alive today she'd be enjoying a lucrative career writing Marjorie Taylor-Greene tweets.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 21, 2011
JEERS to trouble on Mitt Romney's horizon. A new NBC News-Marist poll in South Carolina reveals that a majority of likely Republican primary voters agree (or think they agree) that "A Mormon is not a Christian." Now, I did some logical thinking (a hobby of mine—I dabble), and I think Romney has a bit of a problem on his hands there. Here's what I think is going on in the primary-voter brain:
Conclusion: I'm a' gonna take another look at Rick Perry.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to climbing back on the wagon. Every year at this time I challenge myself to give up my worst addiction: candy corn. I love the stuff—in stews, soups, casseroles, salads, and sometimes even straight out of the bag. My brain thinks that candy corn is a gift from God for which we are just barely worthy. But my pancreas is thinking, "Have you no decency, sir? At long last have you left no sense of dietary decency?" So I owe it to myself to give it the old college try, cold-turkey style. I've got my stopwatch with me, and I'm hoping to beat my old record of…[opens tattered 50-year-old record book]…1.71 seconds without eating candy corn. So let's do this! Ready, set, GO...
1.76 seconds. Better than last year but still disappointing. Oh well—maybe we'll try again during Lent.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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New documentary coming next month from Amazon Prime. Mayor Pete “takes viewers inside Buttigieg’s campaign to be the youngest U.S. President, providing an unprecedented intimacy with the candidate, his husband Chasten, and their team … revealing what goes on inside a campaign for the highest office in the land, and how it changes the lives of those involved in it.” A preview:
YouTube Video
-
Opens November 12. I hate it already. No, not the movie—the MPAA’s “R” rating for “language.” Give me a f***ing break.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 21, 2021
Note: A quick reminder that this is "Save For Retirement Week." Please take the appropriate steps to rob enough banks so you hit your 2021 goals responsibly. And have a nice day. —Mgt.
-
By the Numbers:
8 days!!!
Days 'til the start of 2022 Obamacare enrollment: 11
Days 'til the Boo 'N Brew Craft Beer and Music Festival in my hometown Mount Vernon, Ohio: 8
Approval of U.S. leadership in 46 countries polled by Gallup during Trump's last month in office: 30%
Approval of U.S. leadership this month: 49%
Americans polled by Quinnipiac who consider what happened at the U.S. Capitol on January 6th was an attack on the government, versus 38% who don’t: 59%
The last time WNBA finals viewership was as high as it was this year when the Chicago Sky beat the Phoenix Mercury: 2008
Ocean temperature off the coast of Portland, Maine: 60F
-
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Everybody and his dog in the political commentating trade now agrees the Bush administration is experiencing hard times—the going is getting tough, and Bush is getting testy. Bush always gets testy under stress. This is not news.
It seems to me what we are looking at was put best by noted journalist Billy Don Moyers, formerly of Marshall, Texas, who was home last week and observed that the Republican right came to Washington to start a revolution and stayed to run a racket. It has become a game of ideological flim-flam, a scam in which all manner of distracting hoo-hah—abortion, judicial activism, even "the war on terra"—is used to obscure the fact that the government has been taken over by people who are using it to make money for themselves and their friends.
In the business world, this is called "control fraud," and it refers to an organization, like Enron or Tyco, that is rotten at the head.
—October 2005
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Canine Javelin…
-
CHEERS to order in the court. Even with our recent spike in cases (thank you, Delta variant), Maine remains one of the best, greatest, and most brilliant states for dealing with the pandemic. Our competent state health officials are relying on science, our vaccination rate is high, and a looming vaccine mandate deadline for health care workers will improve the picture even more. Naturally, a gaggle of covidiots is challenging the mandate in court. But they just got swatted down like the pesky pests they are:
The decision was handed down by Justice Stephen Breyer. And you know what, sir? Your nation owes you a debt of gratitude. For your excellent service, you may now retire. Don’t forget your fishin’ pole. And your gavel. And the bust of Judge Wapner you keep on your desk. (But we will need to take back your six-pound skeleton key to the SCOTUS washroom. Justice Oprah will need it.)
JEERS to another big letdown. Senate Democrats teed up the voting rights football again yesterday, assuring the American people that this time—this time, trust us—we'll secure the blessings of liberty by finally putting a stop to the Republicans' Big Lie that massive state-level racism-based election reform is necessary because of all the voter fraud. Just watch us, they said. This time we're gonna wrangle that dastardly filibuster to the ground and slip the Freedom to Vote Act through with 51 votes, by god. And let's see how that worked out:
What's really sad is how inevitable the outcome was. I wrote this item yesterday at 7am. Heckuva job, Chuck. Maybe next time try to corral your caucus with a baseball bat made of something besides Nerf.
CHEERS to Great Moments in Saying Stuff. 160 years ago this week, in 1861, the first coast-to-coast telegram was sent from Chief Justice Stephen Field in California to President Lincoln in Washington, D.C. Field's Message: "Could you find the whereabouts of Amanda Hugginkiss?" Lincoln's reply: "Nice try."
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to cleaning this filthy place up. And by filthy I mean plasticky. And by plasticky I mean that giant plastic garbage patch in the Pacific Ocean created by the world's worst species, Humanis Shitheadius Maximus. A garbage patch they said it could never be cleaned up—but they're wrong, Mama, they’re so very very wrong! A test run organized by a Dutch kid who got some dang fool idea in his head that a cleaner planet is a happier planet appears to be wildly successful:
The test was so successful that they're now confident they can scoop up half of the plastic within five years, and 90 percent of all floating garbage from all the oceans by 2040. That doesn’t include removing Republicans from the Mar-A-Lago swimming pool because they're marine scientists, dammit, not miracle workers.
CHEERS to flying fingers. On October 21, 1918, a typing speed record was set by Margaret Owen of New York City: 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter. Here's a sample:
If she was alive today she'd be enjoying a lucrative career writing Marjorie Taylor-Greene tweets.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: October 21, 2011
JEERS to trouble on Mitt Romney's horizon. A new NBC News-Marist poll in South Carolina reveals that a majority of likely Republican primary voters agree (or think they agree) that "A Mormon is not a Christian." Now, I did some logical thinking (a hobby of mine—I dabble), and I think Romney has a bit of a problem on his hands there. Here's what I think is going on in the primary-voter brain:
Conclusion: I'm a' gonna take another look at Rick Perry.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to climbing back on the wagon. Every year at this time I challenge myself to give up my worst addiction: candy corn. I love the stuff—in stews, soups, casseroles, salads, and sometimes even straight out of the bag. My brain thinks that candy corn is a gift from God for which we are just barely worthy. But my pancreas is thinking, "Have you no decency, sir? At long last have you left no sense of dietary decency?" So I owe it to myself to give it the old college try, cold-turkey style. I've got my stopwatch with me, and I'm hoping to beat my old record of…[opens tattered 50-year-old record book]…1.71 seconds without eating candy corn. So let's do this! Ready, set, GO...
Tick tock, tick…
[Nom nom nom nom nom nom NomNom NOM NOM NOM!!!]
…tock.
1.76 seconds. Better than last year but still disappointing. Oh well—maybe we'll try again during Lent.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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