Oh! More Things I Know:
Continued...
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 6, 2022
Note: I'm posting today's C&J from the East Room of the White House. My thanks to the Secret Service for leaving the key under the mat last night when they went to Denny's.
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By the Numbers:
7 days!!!
Days 'til we turn our clocks back: 31
Days 'til the New York City Wine and Food Festival: 7
Estimated number of homes still without power in Florida: 500,000
Terabytes of information gathered by prosecutors in their criminal fraud case against Steve Bannon: 4
Percent of Americans polled by the University of Chicago and AP-NORC who say their kids have no chance of having a better quality of life than they did: 54%
Percent drop in the stock price of Mark Zuckerberg's shit-show media platform "Meta" so far this year: -60%
Age of Loretta Lynn when she died this week: 90
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the Republicans in Congress are stacking up a record of election-year folly so gross it staggers even veterans of legislative debacles.
First, they let the assault weapons ban lapse, despite the fact that 70 percent of the American people want it kept in place. They had to pass a simple $5 billion corporate-tax plan because we are in violation of tariff laws. This has bogged down in a $150 billion pork-off, while American products are losing billions of dollars in retaliatory sanctions.
Even worse, Congress passed a $145 billion extension of tax cuts. To cover the resulting debt, we are borrowing money from the Bank of China, to be paid off by our children. Showing a fine sense of fiscal restraint, the R's declined to extend minimal credits for millions of children in working-poor families. Instead, they gave another $13 billion in tax cuts to the corporations. Remember when Bush told us cutting corporate taxes would result in a mighty flood of new jobs?
But, hey, they're in favor of protecting marriage and against burning the flag, so your life should get dramatically better.
—September 2004
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Puppy Pic of the Day: It’s aliiiive!!!
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CHEERS to tripping over your own dendrite. During his last year as governor, Paul “I was Trump before Trump was Trump” LePage desperately tried to get a job in Washington so he could leave Maine behind. When that didn’t pan out, he angrily completed his second term and then abandoned his state to become a permanent resident of Florida. Finding himself unable to function without a public spotlight on him 24/7, he grudgingly moved back to try for a third term. Tuesday night he debated current Democrat governor Janet Mills—who was a massive roadblock and thorn in his side as state attorney general—and, well, let’s just say he probably should’ve stayed down south on the shuffleboard circuit. Watch how Governor Mills gives him an impromptu weasel-wordectomy:
Before the debate, Mills was leading LePage by 12 points in polling released in late September. If you clicked on the clip above, you can see why.
CHEERS to cool science. The Nobel Prize-a-palooza continued yesterday with the chemistry medallions (which are a bit tougher than veal medallions, but still tasty with enough ketchup). And the winners are…would you believe nerds?
More here at AKALib's diary. To reward them for their hard work, the recipients will receive a check good for ten-million molecules. As for the rest of the week, the coveted Peace Prize gets awarded tomorrow, but not before today's medal for Outstanding Blogger with Candy Corn Addiction is announced. I'm really excited about my prospects. For the talent portion I played Bach's Toccata and Fugue on a flaming cello while juggling chainsaws and two of the judges winked at me.
JEERS to Bovines of Mass Destruction. During this week in 1871, the Great Chicago Fire broke out after Joe Biden kicked over a lantern onto a pile of bamboo fibers in Mrs. O'Leary's barn to try and incinerate damning evidence proving that George Soros created the Deep State to steal the 2020 election. Or, if you prefer the non-Breitbart News version: it was a cow. Despite the horrific damage and loss of life, there was a bright side: the T-bones were excellent that night.
CHEERS to brewing a cauldron of hilarity. Can't let today go by without noting that eleven years ago this week Republican tea party know-nothing Christine O'Donnell released an ad for her U.S. Senate run in Delaware with the most bizarre opening line of the 2010 election (or maybe any other, for that matter): "I'm not a witch. I'm nothing you've heard. I'm YOU!"
YouTube Video
The question I asked back then remains unanswered eleven years later: Yeah, but if you are me, and I’m a practicing witch, then by definition you’re a witch, too! I mean, right?
How awful was her message of "I promise not to turn you into a newt"? In an election year that saw a tidal wave of tea partiers swept into power, she managed to lose to a liberal Democrat—Chris Coons, doing a fine job after winning re-election in 2014 and 2020. She may not have been a witch, but that flame-out was still quite a trick.
CHEERS to perspective. The chair of the MAGA Party in Arizona, Kelli Ward, was recently deposed by the House Jan. 6 select committee because she allegedly participated in the scheme to overthrow the United States government by rounding up a slate of fake electors to illegally cast their vote for Trump. She says she's totally innocent and has nothing to hide. So let's check the transcript and see the calm, smooth, thoughtful way in which she exonerated herself from criminality during her time under the klieg lights:
In the immortal words of Donald J. Trump: “The mob takes the Fifth Amendment. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” I hope we find out one day.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 6, 2012
CHEERS to the Obama Doctrine. That would be the doctrine that says, "Shut up, neocons—let the sanctions in Iran do their thing." I think I know why Mahmud Ahmadinejahd said at the U.N. that he's eager to sit down at the bargaining table after the election: we've got the regime's nads in a bit of a vise:
And if that doesn't work, we go after the Mullahs' porn. Cruel, I know, but…freedom.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to ending every week on a high note. Every Friday night our C&J poll asks, "Who won the week?" We do our best to round up ten solid candidates who make us feel a little mushy-gushy and remind us that all is not lost. Thanks to your smarts and good sense, the Class of the Third Quarter of 2022 is a good-lookin' bunch. As we leave July, August, and September behind, let’s take a peek back at the do-gooders who walked among us. The envelopes, please…
Who will our gold-star winners be in the fourth quarter? Oh, that’s for you to decide.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Continued...
❧ Susan Collins is still very concerned.
❧ If Justice Ketanji Brown-Jackson keeps doling out legal history lessons that make the Fascist Federalist Society dopes sitting next to her look even dopier, soon the transcripts of her questions and comments from the bench will simply read: [Kavanaugh’s Airhorn].
❧ People say that no word rhymes with 'orange.' I can think of one that does: 'Plorange.' It means, "Word that rhymes with orange."
Also what I know: the Fox News graphics department will soon launch its war on “Merry Christmas” as it does so dependably every year.
❧ One day our nation will be so stable and peaceful that our midterm election will be nothing more than a referendum on pumpkin spice. Unfortunately, the result will spark a bloody civil war.
❧ I’m disappointed that the Webb space telescope has taken tons of planet and nebula pics but only a handful of alien nudie pics.
❧ I didn’t just ask my doctor if the drug I saw on TV "is right for me," I also asked him about my clothes, my hair, my teeth, my car insurance, my dreams, and my place in this crazy world. He now has an unlisted number.
❧ I’m glad Lizzo didn’t try to play Madison’s bagpipes.
❧ I'm still waiting for the release of that audiotape in which Michelle Obama uses the term "Whitey." Remember that? I hear it's coming out any day now!
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 6, 2022
Note: I'm posting today's C&J from the East Room of the White House. My thanks to the Secret Service for leaving the key under the mat last night when they went to Denny's.
-
By the Numbers:
7 days!!!
Days 'til we turn our clocks back: 31
Days 'til the New York City Wine and Food Festival: 7
Estimated number of homes still without power in Florida: 500,000
Terabytes of information gathered by prosecutors in their criminal fraud case against Steve Bannon: 4
Percent of Americans polled by the University of Chicago and AP-NORC who say their kids have no chance of having a better quality of life than they did: 54%
Percent drop in the stock price of Mark Zuckerberg's shit-show media platform "Meta" so far this year: -60%
Age of Loretta Lynn when she died this week: 90
-
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the Republicans in Congress are stacking up a record of election-year folly so gross it staggers even veterans of legislative debacles.
First, they let the assault weapons ban lapse, despite the fact that 70 percent of the American people want it kept in place. They had to pass a simple $5 billion corporate-tax plan because we are in violation of tariff laws. This has bogged down in a $150 billion pork-off, while American products are losing billions of dollars in retaliatory sanctions.
Even worse, Congress passed a $145 billion extension of tax cuts. To cover the resulting debt, we are borrowing money from the Bank of China, to be paid off by our children. Showing a fine sense of fiscal restraint, the R's declined to extend minimal credits for millions of children in working-poor families. Instead, they gave another $13 billion in tax cuts to the corporations. Remember when Bush told us cutting corporate taxes would result in a mighty flood of new jobs?
But, hey, they're in favor of protecting marriage and against burning the flag, so your life should get dramatically better.
—September 2004
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: It’s aliiiive!!!
-
CHEERS to tripping over your own dendrite. During his last year as governor, Paul “I was Trump before Trump was Trump” LePage desperately tried to get a job in Washington so he could leave Maine behind. When that didn’t pan out, he angrily completed his second term and then abandoned his state to become a permanent resident of Florida. Finding himself unable to function without a public spotlight on him 24/7, he grudgingly moved back to try for a third term. Tuesday night he debated current Democrat governor Janet Mills—who was a massive roadblock and thorn in his side as state attorney general—and, well, let’s just say he probably should’ve stayed down south on the shuffleboard circuit. Watch how Governor Mills gives him an impromptu weasel-wordectomy:
Before the debate, Mills was leading LePage by 12 points in polling released in late September. If you clicked on the clip above, you can see why.
CHEERS to cool science. The Nobel Prize-a-palooza continued yesterday with the chemistry medallions (which are a bit tougher than veal medallions, but still tasty with enough ketchup). And the winners are…would you believe nerds?
This year’s Nobel Prize in chemistry has been awarded in equal parts to Carolyn R. Bertozzi, Morten Meldal and K. Barry Sharpless for developing way of “snapping molecules together” that can be used to design medicines.
Ironically, this is the best snapping together they can do with Legos.
Their work, known as click chemistry and bioorthogonal reactions, is used to make cancer drugs, map DNA and create materials that are tailored to a specific purpose. […]
Sharpless previously won a Nobel Prize in 2001. He is the fifth person to receive the award twice.
More here at AKALib's diary. To reward them for their hard work, the recipients will receive a check good for ten-million molecules. As for the rest of the week, the coveted Peace Prize gets awarded tomorrow, but not before today's medal for Outstanding Blogger with Candy Corn Addiction is announced. I'm really excited about my prospects. For the talent portion I played Bach's Toccata and Fugue on a flaming cello while juggling chainsaws and two of the judges winked at me.
JEERS to Bovines of Mass Destruction. During this week in 1871, the Great Chicago Fire broke out after Joe Biden kicked over a lantern onto a pile of bamboo fibers in Mrs. O'Leary's barn to try and incinerate damning evidence proving that George Soros created the Deep State to steal the 2020 election. Or, if you prefer the non-Breitbart News version: it was a cow. Despite the horrific damage and loss of life, there was a bright side: the T-bones were excellent that night.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to brewing a cauldron of hilarity. Can't let today go by without noting that eleven years ago this week Republican tea party know-nothing Christine O'Donnell released an ad for her U.S. Senate run in Delaware with the most bizarre opening line of the 2010 election (or maybe any other, for that matter): "I'm not a witch. I'm nothing you've heard. I'm YOU!"
YouTube Video
-
The question I asked back then remains unanswered eleven years later: Yeah, but if you are me, and I’m a practicing witch, then by definition you’re a witch, too! I mean, right?
How awful was her message of "I promise not to turn you into a newt"? In an election year that saw a tidal wave of tea partiers swept into power, she managed to lose to a liberal Democrat—Chris Coons, doing a fine job after winning re-election in 2014 and 2020. She may not have been a witch, but that flame-out was still quite a trick.
CHEERS to perspective. The chair of the MAGA Party in Arizona, Kelli Ward, was recently deposed by the House Jan. 6 select committee because she allegedly participated in the scheme to overthrow the United States government by rounding up a slate of fake electors to illegally cast their vote for Trump. She says she's totally innocent and has nothing to hide. So let's check the transcript and see the calm, smooth, thoughtful way in which she exonerated herself from criminality during her time under the klieg lights:
In the immortal words of Donald J. Trump: “The mob takes the Fifth Amendment. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” I hope we find out one day.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: October 6, 2012
CHEERS to the Obama Doctrine. That would be the doctrine that says, "Shut up, neocons—let the sanctions in Iran do their thing." I think I know why Mahmud Ahmadinejahd said at the U.N. that he's eager to sit down at the bargaining table after the election: we've got the regime's nads in a bit of a vise:
And if that doesn't work, we go after the Mullahs' porn. Cruel, I know, but…freedom.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to ending every week on a high note. Every Friday night our C&J poll asks, "Who won the week?" We do our best to round up ten solid candidates who make us feel a little mushy-gushy and remind us that all is not lost. Thanks to your smarts and good sense, the Class of the Third Quarter of 2022 is a good-lookin' bunch. As we leave July, August, and September behind, let’s take a peek back at the do-gooders who walked among us. The envelopes, please…
July 1 White House aide Cassidy Hutchinson, the surprise witness at the Jan. 6 hearings...and the eye-popping 13,000,000+ Americans who tuned in
July 8 The Georgia Grand Jury that subpoenaed Lindsey Graham, Rudy Giuliani, John Eastman and others for their alleged role in trying to steal Biden's win there
July 15 California's government, for plans to cap the price of insulin at $30 a month by producing it in-state, and allow residents to sue firearm makers and sellers for the harm done by their guns
July 22 The House Jan. 6 Committee: hearings reveal Trump giddily encouraging the insurrection, cementing status as worst, most treasonous president
July 29 Chuck Schumer, for outflanking unflankable McConnell by getting the CHIPS bill passed and then, moments later, announcing major climate/health care/inflation bill even Manchin likes
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Aug 5 Kansas voters, for turning out in huge numbers to approve (59-41) a measure keeping abortion rights enshrined in the state constitution
Each of our winners receives a pair of DeSantis-brand strutting boots.
Aug 12 The vise of justice squeezing Trump: House committee gets tax returns; NY AG grills him for 4 hours; and FBI comes a' knockin' with a search warrant
Aug 19 President Biden: signs the massive Climate/Health/Tax-the-rich bill into law; cancels $4 billion in student loan debt owed to fraudsters at ITT Tech; and court rules he can stop oil/gas leasing on public lands/waters
Aug 26 President Biden: Student loan relief order brings cheers from minorities/middle class; OKs more aid for Ukraine; gas prices down 73 straight days
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Sept 2 Democrat Mary Peltola, who beat Sarah Palin to win the special election for Alaska’s only House seat. She's the first Alaska Native to serve in Congress.
Sept 9 Ukraine, as Putin gets spanked by Zelenskyy's forces, liberating 400+ miles of territory since Sept. 1 and recapturing dozens of towns
Sept 16 Ukraine, for liberating a huge swath of their country from the mighty Russian empire in one of the greatest David vs. Goliath counteroffensives in military history
Sept 23 The office of NY Attorney General Letitia James, for filing a $250 million civil lawsuit against the Trump crime family involving massive tax fraud
Sept. 30 The Iranian women and their male allies out in the streets risking their lives to protest the deadly actions of the country's "morality police"
Who will our gold-star winners be in the fourth quarter? Oh, that’s for you to decide.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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