Energize An Ally Tuesday
The world needs you to make a big donation today. But not money. Just a bucketful of positive “Big-D” vibes sent in the general vicinity of—[gestures wildly with index fingers]—New York's 3rd congressional district, where voters are choosing a successor to congressman-turned-nobody George Santos.
Go get ‘em, Tom.
Yes, it's finally here: the 2024 election contest that the giant media machine tells me is the bellwether—the moss on the tree, the entrails in the dish, the Ouija Board in the dark, the signpost at the intersection, the fuzz on the caterpillar, the Magic 8 Ball in my toy box—for future events such as these that will affect you in the future. If Democrats can unleash some whupass, then November will be…something something something I don't believe the media machine and neither should you.
Positive vibes today for Democrat Tom Suozzi, who is positioned to make life even more hellish for holy roller House Speaker (in name only) Mike Johnson.
It's reproductive freedom, jobs, education, fact, science, and empathy versus ignorance, incompetence, and MAGA cultism. To candidate Suozzi and his supporters, we wish you much luck and victory confetti.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, February 13, 2024
Note: Today is Tuesday the 13th. No need to take any special precautions, except perhaps an extra dollop of hand lotion. And stay away from woodchippers.
-
8 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next full "snow moon": 11
Days 'til the 90th Minneapolis Home & Garden Show: 8
U.S. Inflation rate for December, lower than the 0.3% forecast: 0.2%
Downgrade to Israel's credit rating by Moody's because the right-wing wackos there are ruining the country's economy: A1 down to A2
Amount climate scientist Michael Mann is getting from two right-wing idiots, including National Review's Mark Steyn, as a result of winning a defamation lawsuit: $1 million
Percent of single Americans who use dating apps/sites: 32%
Average amount people pay per month for subscriptions or ala carte features on dating sites: $18
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Somebody get this danseur a gig at the Met…
-
CHEERS to rational exuberance. As of this writing, my gut instincts throughout this life have been 93 percent correct. (Compared to, for the record, 78 percent accuracy during my previous lives, excluding the one spent as Dolley Madison which was 98 percent.) So you can take it to the bank when I say that I agree that the gut instincts on display by House Democrats are relatively well-placed:
First order of business when they take back control: fix everything that didn’t get fixed the last time they had control. And then break for lunch.
JEERS to America: Land of the Ignoramuses. If polling was a school quiz, our nation would get an F so fast it'd make our heads spin. According to the latest ABC News/Ipsos poll, we are certainly an exceptional nation—as in, exceptionally clueless. I will confine my comments to a text box so that the stupid can't escape and further contaminate those of us with a brain. The article clips are in bold and my comments are in italics:
Congratulations, America. Despite having all the accurate information at your fingertips via 30 seconds on Google, you got it completely wrong again and remain, for the foreseeable future, dumb as rocks. Or as rocks say: dumb as people.
CHEERS to #16. Belated happy birthday to Abe Lincoln, who turned 215 yesterday. It's no surprise that he's considered by many to be our greatest president, including the 721 historians and political scientists who contributed their opinions to the book, Rating the Presidents:
And he had a few choice words that seem aimed directly at the twice-impeached, disgraced leader of the red-hatted cultists:
Pay your respects here. Yesterday was also the 215th birthday of evolution guy Charles Darwin—aka Darwin Day. The creationism crowd, which spends most of its time mocking the idea that we evolved from chimpanzees, spent their day the usual way: flinging poo and picking fleas out of each other's hair.
CHEERS to shooting yourself in the foot. Gandhi famously said that that tyrants can seem invincible for a time, "but in the end they always fall." That's certainly coming true with an organization that over the decades has spiraled down a shit hole of evil, using MAGA language and tactics long before the red hats showed up. And good riddance. Via The New York Times morning email:
Aww. Thoughts and prayers.
CHEERS to pigskin fever! Wow—that Super Bowl was awesome! Did you see how [quarterback] executed that awesome [pass play] [running play] in the [first] [second] [third] [fourth] quarter??? Holy cow! And when [player] took the ball and [ran] [threw] [kicked] for that [touchdown] [field goal] [extra point], that was...well, it was just [amazing] [unbelievable] [bullshit]. At least [half-time entertainer(s)] did a reasonably good job of [singing] [dancing] [eating fire] [exposing his/her/their titties]. And the commercial with the talking [baby] [dog] [horse] [monkey] [drag queen] [Jesus freak] was clearly the [best] [worst]. I'll never [forget] [remember] it!!!
-
Ten years ago in C&J: February 13, 2014
CHEERS to gravity-defiance. Good news for anyone making plans to be a "space tourist" one day. A company called Virgin Galactic launched its SS2 spacecraft and then turned on its thrusters for several moments of unfettered thrusting—longer and harder than ever before—until it reached a dramatic climax at 71,000 ft. and then fell into an exhausted but immensely satisfied and intact heap on the tarmac. In response, the American Family Association called for an immediate boycott of Virgin Galactic for promoting such disgusting behavior.
-
And just one more…
JEERS to Gun FAIL 101. It Seems Like It Was Only—[BLAM!!!]—yesterday. Eighteen years ago today, after the Cheney team sat on the news for 24 hours, America finally learned that the vice president went hunting and bagged himself a lawyer:
That was the signal to unleash the hounds of late night:
I bring this up not only to mark one of many jaw-dropping milestones during the Bush II presidency, but to remind you that Deadeye Dick is still alive and roaming the countryside. We suggest you lock your doors and count the children.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
-
The world needs you to make a big donation today. But not money. Just a bucketful of positive “Big-D” vibes sent in the general vicinity of—[gestures wildly with index fingers]—New York's 3rd congressional district, where voters are choosing a successor to congressman-turned-nobody George Santos.
Go get ‘em, Tom.
Yes, it's finally here: the 2024 election contest that the giant media machine tells me is the bellwether—the moss on the tree, the entrails in the dish, the Ouija Board in the dark, the signpost at the intersection, the fuzz on the caterpillar, the Magic 8 Ball in my toy box—for future events such as these that will affect you in the future. If Democrats can unleash some whupass, then November will be…something something something I don't believe the media machine and neither should you.
Positive vibes today for Democrat Tom Suozzi, who is positioned to make life even more hellish for holy roller House Speaker (in name only) Mike Johnson.
It's reproductive freedom, jobs, education, fact, science, and empathy versus ignorance, incompetence, and MAGA cultism. To candidate Suozzi and his supporters, we wish you much luck and victory confetti.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, February 13, 2024
Note: Today is Tuesday the 13th. No need to take any special precautions, except perhaps an extra dollop of hand lotion. And stay away from woodchippers.
-
8 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next full "snow moon": 11
Days 'til the 90th Minneapolis Home & Garden Show: 8
U.S. Inflation rate for December, lower than the 0.3% forecast: 0.2%
Downgrade to Israel's credit rating by Moody's because the right-wing wackos there are ruining the country's economy: A1 down to A2
Amount climate scientist Michael Mann is getting from two right-wing idiots, including National Review's Mark Steyn, as a result of winning a defamation lawsuit: $1 million
Percent of single Americans who use dating apps/sites: 32%
Average amount people pay per month for subscriptions or ala carte features on dating sites: $18
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Somebody get this danseur a gig at the Met…
-
CHEERS to rational exuberance. As of this writing, my gut instincts throughout this life have been 93 percent correct. (Compared to, for the record, 78 percent accuracy during my previous lives, excluding the one spent as Dolley Madison which was 98 percent.) So you can take it to the bank when I say that I agree that the gut instincts on display by House Democrats are relatively well-placed:
On the heels of a high-profile face-plant by House Republicans earlier in the week, Democrats are confident they can take back the House majority. With only a few seats to flip, many feel there are plenty of political cards to play.
Future great Speaker Hakeem Jeffries says hey to previous great Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
“House Democrats will continue to defend our democracy. House Republicans continue to choose dysfunction,” said Democratic Leader Hakeem Jeffries (N.Y.) at the start of the [annual Democratic] conference, summing up Democrats’ expected themes. Even the slogan ["Finish the job"] is meant to hark back to the previous Congress, when Democratic majorities in both chambers allowed the party to pass significant legislation, including on economic recovery and infrastructure. […]
With turnout higher in a presidential election year and some favorable redistricting decisions, Democrats hope even a moderate swing in results in November would be enough to take back control.
First order of business when they take back control: fix everything that didn’t get fixed the last time they had control. And then break for lunch.
JEERS to America: Land of the Ignoramuses. If polling was a school quiz, our nation would get an F so fast it'd make our heads spin. According to the latest ABC News/Ipsos poll, we are certainly an exceptional nation—as in, exceptionally clueless. I will confine my comments to a text box so that the stupid can't escape and further contaminate those of us with a brain. The article clips are in bold and my comments are in italics:
Congratulations, America. Despite having all the accurate information at your fingertips via 30 seconds on Google, you got it completely wrong again and remain, for the foreseeable future, dumb as rocks. Or as rocks say: dumb as people.
CHEERS to #16. Belated happy birthday to Abe Lincoln, who turned 215 yesterday. It's no surprise that he's considered by many to be our greatest president, including the 721 historians and political scientists who contributed their opinions to the book, Rating the Presidents:
Our poll rates the category of Lincoln's Character and Integrity the highest of any president's.
Lincoln was goth emo before goth emo was cool.
The poll also lauds his appointments. ... His steady leadership, rated second among presidents [after FDR], kept the Union cause alive during the Civil War's darkest days for the Union. Our experts describe this with remarks like "took America through its greatest crisis," "great moral leader," [and] "had broad strategic vision and a poet's wisdom." … He possessed qualities of kindness and compassion.
Lincoln also had the wisdom of magnanimousness in victory, especially needed for the national healing after the Civil War. Many of the men reaching the august office of the presidency have lacked these simple but uncommon virtues, which play so important a part in governing a nation.
And he had a few choice words that seem aimed directly at the twice-impeached, disgraced leader of the red-hatted cultists:
Pay your respects here. Yesterday was also the 215th birthday of evolution guy Charles Darwin—aka Darwin Day. The creationism crowd, which spends most of its time mocking the idea that we evolved from chimpanzees, spent their day the usual way: flinging poo and picking fleas out of each other's hair.
-
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
CHEERS to shooting yourself in the foot. Gandhi famously said that that tyrants can seem invincible for a time, "but in the end they always fall." That's certainly coming true with an organization that over the decades has spiraled down a shit hole of evil, using MAGA language and tactics long before the red hats showed up. And good riddance. Via The New York Times morning email:
Today, the N.R.A. has shed hundreds of thousands of members and large sums of money. It is standing trial for fraud and self-dealing in New York. “The N.R.A. is little more than a shell of itself after hemorrhaging hundreds of millions in legal fees,” Joshua Powell, a former top N.R.A. official who settled with the state before the trial, told The Times. […]
We’re gettin’ there.
Many of the N.R.A.’s members lost trust in the organization and quit, which meant they also stopped paying their dues. To deal with shrinking revenue and mounting legal expenses, the N.R.A. cut programs that were popular with members, such as gun training and education.
The result: The N.R.A. has lost more than one million members, out of six million at its peak in 2018. Its revenue has dropped by more than 40 percent since 2016.
Aww. Thoughts and prayers.
CHEERS to pigskin fever! Wow—that Super Bowl was awesome! Did you see how [quarterback] executed that awesome [pass play] [running play] in the [first] [second] [third] [fourth] quarter??? Holy cow! And when [player] took the ball and [ran] [threw] [kicked] for that [touchdown] [field goal] [extra point], that was...well, it was just [amazing] [unbelievable] [bullshit]. At least [half-time entertainer(s)] did a reasonably good job of [singing] [dancing] [eating fire] [exposing his/her/their titties]. And the commercial with the talking [baby] [dog] [horse] [monkey] [drag queen] [Jesus freak] was clearly the [best] [worst]. I'll never [forget] [remember] it!!!
-
Ten years ago in C&J: February 13, 2014
CHEERS to gravity-defiance. Good news for anyone making plans to be a "space tourist" one day. A company called Virgin Galactic launched its SS2 spacecraft and then turned on its thrusters for several moments of unfettered thrusting—longer and harder than ever before—until it reached a dramatic climax at 71,000 ft. and then fell into an exhausted but immensely satisfied and intact heap on the tarmac. In response, the American Family Association called for an immediate boycott of Virgin Galactic for promoting such disgusting behavior.
-
And just one more…
JEERS to Gun FAIL 101. It Seems Like It Was Only—[BLAM!!!]—yesterday. Eighteen years ago today, after the Cheney team sat on the news for 24 hours, America finally learned that the vice president went hunting and bagged himself a lawyer:
Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a campaign contributor during a weekend quail hunt on a friend's South Texas ranch, local authorities and the vice president's office said Sunday.
Whittington shows off his birdshot scars. He lived to be 95, passing away last year.
The wounded man, 78-year-old Harry Whittington, was in intensive care at a Corpus Christi hospital after being hit by several pellets of birdshot Saturday afternoon, hospital spokesman Peter Banko told CNN.
Whittington, an Austin attorney who gave $1,000 to President Bush's 2000 campaign and $2,000 to his 2004 re-election bid, was among a handful of people accompanying the vice president when the accident occurred Saturday afternoon.
That was the signal to unleash the hounds of late night:
"Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, was shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."
—Jon Stewart
"But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates his deal with the devil."
—Jimmy Kimmel
"To the vice president's credit, he did own up to it. On FOX News he said the fault was his, he can't blame anybody else. It's amazing—the only time you get accountability out of this administration is when they are actually holding a smoking gun."
—Bill Maher
I bring this up not only to mark one of many jaw-dropping milestones during the Bush II presidency, but to remind you that Deadeye Dick is still alive and roaming the countryside. We suggest you lock your doors and count the children.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
-