I Can’t Post This
It’s brilliant, it’s true, it’s cathartic, it’s poetic, it’s perfect. But I can’t post it because it might set this site’s pixels on fire. It’s by Wendy Molyneux at McSweeney’s, and the title, edited for publication at this family site, is Oh My [Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep] Already, You [Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep].
But here’s the link: Enjoy.
Squeaky-clean C&J starts below the fold...
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 7, 2021
Note: Horrified to say that today's note got wiped out by Ida. Not the hurricane. The cleaning lady. (She's very thorough.)
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By the Numbers:
15 days!!!
Days 'til voting in the California recall election ends: 7
Days 'til autumn: 15
Percent of eligible Americans who are fully vaccinated: 62%
Jobs added in August: 235,000
Democrats polled by Gallup who approve of labor unions, a new high (versus 47% for Republicans, whose high was 50% in 2003): 90%
Favorable view of the Democratic and Republican parties, respectively, among Californians polled by the Public Policy Institute of California: 48%, 28%
Approval in the same poll for how CA Gov. Gavin Newsom is handling the covid pandemic, which is the #1 issue there: 58%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Back to the salt mine…
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CHEERS to putting on your best frowny face and getting down to business. Two more signs that summer vacation season has ended and folks are heading back to work: Congress is back in session this week and day cares are open again. There will be lots of crying and stamping of feet and screams of "Mine Mine Mine!" as a room full of whiny brats hurls childish insults and feasts on paste and magic marker fumes. And I bet the toddlers at daycare will be just as bad.
JEERS to milestones we never should have hit. For a hoax pandemic, the bodies sure are stacking up—enough to disappear the entire population of Portland, Oregon off the map. The latest milestone was reached over the weekend. Thanks a lot, anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers. Read it and weep:
This is serious and calls for immediate action. We're going to have to step up our game. I was hoping we wouldn’t have to resort to this, but…it's time to break into the strategic reserve of elephant de-worming pills. Right-wing radio hosts and evangelists, you go first. Drop trou', please, and just relax…
JEERS to the vagina vigilantes. When last we checked in with the Supreme Court, five of nine justices had just given the thumbs-up to a Republican law in Texas that officially deputizes every citizen into the Gynecology Gestapo—fully authorized, with a $10,000 "bounty" incentive, to surveil and rat on anyone suspected of having or aiding an abortion. Charlie Dent is a former Pennsylvania congressman from the now-extinct pro-choice wing of the GOP, and he's of the opinion that this new assault in the War on Women will end up backfiring in the midterms:
Adding to the bizarreness of the law, the latest group to challenge it is the Satanic Temple, which claims the abortion "ritual" is fully protected under the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. So congratulations, Texas—you're about to discover that the devil is in the details.
CHEERS to mo money. Here's another thing the government doesn’t seem too interested in giving We The People, even though we demand it in droves: a minimum wage hike…
…Ooh! Ooh! I'll try and finish that sentence for ya, CBS News: fewer than half of conservatives would like to see everyone else not drown in a lake of fire so they can have all the money and power in a Judeo-Christian paradise where ATMs also spit out bleach injections and horse pills and Mike Pence is hanging from a gallows in front of the Capitol. Am I close?
CHEERS to Republican rhetoricians. I can't stand former speechwriter Peggy Noonan's concern-troll smugness on the Sunday shows, but I never jeer someone on their birthday (her 71st). She wrote some of Reagan's most famous (non-Hollywood) lines, and was both an asset to George H.W. Bush ("A kinder, gentler nation"), and a liability ("Read my lips—no new taxes"). But she really shit the bed in 2012 when she exclaimed that Romney was a lock to defeat President Obama because “all the vibrations are right." HaHaHaHa!!! And her advice on editing is a bit flawed...
Of course, what Peggy seems to overlook is that fish is also a verb, so the "FISH" sign might cause people to go fishing instead of visiting the shack with the fresh fish sold here, thus causing it to file for bankruptcy and lead to an eventual meltdown in the global seafood market. And all this time I thought the righties were pro-business.
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 7, 2011
JEERS to a poor reception. Yesterday Mitt Romney gave his BIG JOBS SPEECH in top hat and tails, which he read while standing in the back of a Packard convertible and evoking fond memories of William McKinley and the days when real men built mansions, paid no taxes and were never seen without at least half a pound of lard in their hair. Also yesterday: Wall Street tanked. But it will be up today, now that every human being on the planet has completely forgotten about Mitt Romney's jobs speech.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the sharpest knife in the media’s drawer. Rhodes Scholar, best-selling author, Emmy and Grammy winner, avid fisherman, and journalist Rachel Maddow has been hosting her own show on MSNBC for thirteen years as of this week. (And she's extending her reign by at least a few more, thanks to a new contract.) I try not to engage in pundit worship, but...she's brilliant, witty and everybody loves her except those Republicans who fear her. "Scary fact-wielding lesbian truth-teller! Run for your lives!"
Happy broadcastiversary, Rachel.
As much as I despised the Trump horror show, his reign of carnage and chaos brought out the dogged gumshoe in Rachel, who did her damndest to cover as many of his scandals as she could—we give her an A for effort in her quest to become the whack-a-mole champ. Today she focuses, with equal doggedness, on the Biden administration's efforts to deal with the disasters that were tossed in its lap.
She's also an entertaining mixologist who whips up a mean Friday night libation occasionally. Money quote from half a dozen years back, which sticks a well-placed finger in the GOP's eye: "I'm undoubtedly a liberal, which means that I'm in almost total agreement with the Eisenhower-era Republican party platform." [Shakes head] ‘I Like Ike’ is now the rallying cry of the hippies. Who'da thunk it?
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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It’s brilliant, it’s true, it’s cathartic, it’s poetic, it’s perfect. But I can’t post it because it might set this site’s pixels on fire. It’s by Wendy Molyneux at McSweeney’s, and the title, edited for publication at this family site, is Oh My [Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep] Already, You [Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep].
But here’s the link: Enjoy.
Squeaky-clean C&J starts below the fold...
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 7, 2021
Note: Horrified to say that today's note got wiped out by Ida. Not the hurricane. The cleaning lady. (She's very thorough.)
-
By the Numbers:
15 days!!!
Days 'til voting in the California recall election ends: 7
Days 'til autumn: 15
Percent of eligible Americans who are fully vaccinated: 62%
Jobs added in August: 235,000
Democrats polled by Gallup who approve of labor unions, a new high (versus 47% for Republicans, whose high was 50% in 2003): 90%
Favorable view of the Democratic and Republican parties, respectively, among Californians polled by the Public Policy Institute of California: 48%, 28%
Approval in the same poll for how CA Gov. Gavin Newsom is handling the covid pandemic, which is the #1 issue there: 58%
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Back to the salt mine…
-
CHEERS to putting on your best frowny face and getting down to business. Two more signs that summer vacation season has ended and folks are heading back to work: Congress is back in session this week and day cares are open again. There will be lots of crying and stamping of feet and screams of "Mine Mine Mine!" as a room full of whiny brats hurls childish insults and feasts on paste and magic marker fumes. And I bet the toddlers at daycare will be just as bad.
JEERS to milestones we never should have hit. For a hoax pandemic, the bodies sure are stacking up—enough to disappear the entire population of Portland, Oregon off the map. The latest milestone was reached over the weekend. Thanks a lot, anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers. Read it and weep:
The U.S. has logged 40 million Covid-19 cases since the start of the pandemic, as the fourth wave brought on by the delta variant continues to spread.
The country has recorded 40,000,070 cases and 651,690 deaths, according to the latest NBC News tally.
Stupid Americans doing what stupid Americans do.
It recorded 35,355 news cases and 279 deaths Sunday. About 207 million people have received their first doses of a vaccine, and more than 175 million have been fully vaccinated.
This is serious and calls for immediate action. We're going to have to step up our game. I was hoping we wouldn’t have to resort to this, but…it's time to break into the strategic reserve of elephant de-worming pills. Right-wing radio hosts and evangelists, you go first. Drop trou', please, and just relax…
JEERS to the vagina vigilantes. When last we checked in with the Supreme Court, five of nine justices had just given the thumbs-up to a Republican law in Texas that officially deputizes every citizen into the Gynecology Gestapo—fully authorized, with a $10,000 "bounty" incentive, to surveil and rat on anyone suspected of having or aiding an abortion. Charlie Dent is a former Pennsylvania congressman from the now-extinct pro-choice wing of the GOP, and he's of the opinion that this new assault in the War on Women will end up backfiring in the midterms:
Texas Republicans have put the GOP on its spurs. Talk about snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
Rah rah.
During my nearly 14-year tenure in Congress, it always amazed me that some members constantly wanted to beat the drum on abortion politics. I felt strongly there was no winning with it---and so it was better to leave the issue alone as much as possible and focus on bread-and-butter issues more relevant to the lives of ordinary Americans who are not fixated on intractable social issues.
Defunding Planned Parenthood, requiring mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds for women exercising their reproductive rights, opposing embryonic stem cell research, backing life-begins-at-conception laws and constitutional amendments, and banning pre-viability abortions are all issues Republicans have advanced in Washington and state capitols across the country during my nearly 28 years of elected service. None of these issues were ever popular on a national scale, nor were they ever winning political issues.
Adding to the bizarreness of the law, the latest group to challenge it is the Satanic Temple, which claims the abortion "ritual" is fully protected under the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. So congratulations, Texas—you're about to discover that the devil is in the details.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to mo money. Here's another thing the government doesn’t seem too interested in giving We The People, even though we demand it in droves: a minimum wage hike…
[A] recent CBS News poll finds most Americans support a hike in the federal minimum wage. The current federal minimum wage is $7.25 per hour and seven in 10 Americans think that it should be higher than that. […]
Sorry, ‘Murica. You still *officially* gotta work for these.
We do see some political divisions, however. Large majorities of Democrats (85%),liberals (90%), independents (72%) and moderates (77%) think the federal minimum wage should be increased, while a much slimmer 52% majority of Republicans agree.
And fewer than half of people who identify as conservative would like to see…
…Ooh! Ooh! I'll try and finish that sentence for ya, CBS News: fewer than half of conservatives would like to see everyone else not drown in a lake of fire so they can have all the money and power in a Judeo-Christian paradise where ATMs also spit out bleach injections and horse pills and Mike Pence is hanging from a gallows in front of the Capitol. Am I close?
CHEERS to Republican rhetoricians. I can't stand former speechwriter Peggy Noonan's concern-troll smugness on the Sunday shows, but I never jeer someone on their birthday (her 71st). She wrote some of Reagan's most famous (non-Hollywood) lines, and was both an asset to George H.W. Bush ("A kinder, gentler nation"), and a liability ("Read my lips—no new taxes"). But she really shit the bed in 2012 when she exclaimed that Romney was a lock to defeat President Obama because “all the vibrations are right." HaHaHaHa!!! And her advice on editing is a bit flawed...
Of course, what Peggy seems to overlook is that fish is also a verb, so the "FISH" sign might cause people to go fishing instead of visiting the shack with the fresh fish sold here, thus causing it to file for bankruptcy and lead to an eventual meltdown in the global seafood market. And all this time I thought the righties were pro-business.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: September 7, 2011
JEERS to a poor reception. Yesterday Mitt Romney gave his BIG JOBS SPEECH in top hat and tails, which he read while standing in the back of a Packard convertible and evoking fond memories of William McKinley and the days when real men built mansions, paid no taxes and were never seen without at least half a pound of lard in their hair. Also yesterday: Wall Street tanked. But it will be up today, now that every human being on the planet has completely forgotten about Mitt Romney's jobs speech.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to the sharpest knife in the media’s drawer. Rhodes Scholar, best-selling author, Emmy and Grammy winner, avid fisherman, and journalist Rachel Maddow has been hosting her own show on MSNBC for thirteen years as of this week. (And she's extending her reign by at least a few more, thanks to a new contract.) I try not to engage in pundit worship, but...she's brilliant, witty and everybody loves her except those Republicans who fear her. "Scary fact-wielding lesbian truth-teller! Run for your lives!"
Happy broadcastiversary, Rachel.
As much as I despised the Trump horror show, his reign of carnage and chaos brought out the dogged gumshoe in Rachel, who did her damndest to cover as many of his scandals as she could—we give her an A for effort in her quest to become the whack-a-mole champ. Today she focuses, with equal doggedness, on the Biden administration's efforts to deal with the disasters that were tossed in its lap.
She's also an entertaining mixologist who whips up a mean Friday night libation occasionally. Money quote from half a dozen years back, which sticks a well-placed finger in the GOP's eye: "I'm undoubtedly a liberal, which means that I'm in almost total agreement with the Eisenhower-era Republican party platform." [Shakes head] ‘I Like Ike’ is now the rallying cry of the hippies. Who'da thunk it?
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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