Because Donald Trump lies about everything, right? All I need to hear is that Trump said a thing to determine—with metaphysical certitude—that that thing is false.
When I first heard about the alleged pee tape, I thought, “Hmm, interesting—but come on! Really? Too lurid to take seriously.” Now, after observing this pendulous sack of clown smegma pretty closely over the past five years, I’m not only convinced there’s a pee tape, I’d bet anything Marv Albert and Dick Vitale were at the foot of the bed doing color commentary and the San Diego Chicken shot the freshly profaned linens off the balcony with a T-shirt cannon shortly after the field of play was cleared.
So, yeah, Trump lies. Not exactly breaking news. But this is. Another silly, unnecessary, self-aggrandizing mound of hairy bullshit, courtesy of Yahoo! Sports:
Yup. Trump is the boss who invites himself to the office happy hour after discovering an employee’s Evite on their computer. He’s Michael Scott, only evil.
What are the chances everyone hides in the bathrooms until Trump leaves the stadium? They could pretend tonight’s game is actually in Houston. Eventually he’ll leave.
Come to think of it, maybe that strategy would work for the country as a whole. It’s definitely worth a shot.
UPDATE (6:14 p.m. PDT): Of course, he was extra racist while he was there:
I’ll bet he has to stop himself from doing a full Nazi salute. Overcoming long-established muscle memories can be a tall order.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
When I first heard about the alleged pee tape, I thought, “Hmm, interesting—but come on! Really? Too lurid to take seriously.” Now, after observing this pendulous sack of clown smegma pretty closely over the past five years, I’m not only convinced there’s a pee tape, I’d bet anything Marv Albert and Dick Vitale were at the foot of the bed doing color commentary and the San Diego Chicken shot the freshly profaned linens off the balcony with a T-shirt cannon shortly after the field of play was cleared.
So, yeah, Trump lies. Not exactly breaking news. But this is. Another silly, unnecessary, self-aggrandizing mound of hairy bullshit, courtesy of Yahoo! Sports:
Yup. Trump is the boss who invites himself to the office happy hour after discovering an employee’s Evite on their computer. He’s Michael Scott, only evil.
What are the chances everyone hides in the bathrooms until Trump leaves the stadium? They could pretend tonight’s game is actually in Houston. Eventually he’ll leave.
Come to think of it, maybe that strategy would work for the country as a whole. It’s definitely worth a shot.
UPDATE (6:14 p.m. PDT): Of course, he was extra racist while he was there:
I’ll bet he has to stop himself from doing a full Nazi salute. Overcoming long-established muscle memories can be a tall order.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.