Lauren Boebert’s natural milieu is a dive bar, so it’s kind of hard to decipher her dreck without at least 12 shots of Jägermeister and a Busch Light or three prepping my brain for her authentic frontier gibberish.
Sadly, these days I drink only occasionally—in non-Wisconsin volumes—and so the Rosetta Stone I need to decode this cacophony of crackpottery eludes me. Perhaps an injection of Lestoil straight into my amygdala would make this make sense. Or at least appear to. It’s also possible my febrile mind concocted Boebert out of thin air. And though that would prove I suffer from some deep, chronic, and perhaps fatal pathology, I’m actually kind of rooting for that. Because Jesus Goat Cheese-Gobblin’ Christ, this shit is bonkers.
My esteemed Daily Kos colleague Dartagnan has already dispensed with the nonsense about Ilhan Omar (the “jihad squad member from Minnesota”) here, but there’s still plenty of mind detritus to sift through. Namely, the bit about Fang Fang.
Here’s how The Washington Post characterized Rep. Eric Swalwell’s relationship, such as it was, with alleged Chinese spy Christine Fang, aka Fang Fang. (Swalwell is the “three-month presidential candidate from California” Boebert refers to in her rant.)
So that’s not great, but it doesn’t appear as if Swalwell did anything wrong. He certainly didn’t tweet about Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s whereabouts during the violent siege of the Capitol on Jan. 6, for instance.
And, naturally, Rep. Swalwell took Boebert’s bilious eruptions as a teaching moment of sorts.
For the nontweeters:
Oh, snap. Yes, that’s true. Boebert’s former campaign manager, Sherronna Bishop, saw her home raided by the FBI yesterday as part of a probe into an alleged security breach in Mesa County, Colorado’s voting system. (Bishop was whining about it last night on Pillow Man Mike Lindell’s sprawling glitch of a website.) Reported by Salon:
Hmm. What kind of sketchy characters is Boebert associating with? Well, her husband, for one.
I always thought it was pretty easy not to expose yourself to underage girls in a bowling alley, but it’s apparently a challenge for Boebert’s husband, Jayson, who did just that in 2004. (To be fair, the girl Jayson was dating—i.e., Boebert—was also underage at the time. She was 17; he was 24.)
Finally, “Democrat policies are so pathetic and have done so poorly ...”? Joe Biden created more jobs in nine months (5.6 million) than Donald Trump created in his entire term (i.e., less than zero).
Then again, Boebert isn’t talking to people with intelligence or common sense. She’s talking to people who think Donald Trump is going to alight from a cloud any day, retake the White House, and resume fucking up the country.
It won’t happen, but then Boebert isn’t exactly interested in making a cogent point. Nor can she.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
Sadly, these days I drink only occasionally—in non-Wisconsin volumes—and so the Rosetta Stone I need to decode this cacophony of crackpottery eludes me. Perhaps an injection of Lestoil straight into my amygdala would make this make sense. Or at least appear to. It’s also possible my febrile mind concocted Boebert out of thin air. And though that would prove I suffer from some deep, chronic, and perhaps fatal pathology, I’m actually kind of rooting for that. Because Jesus Goat Cheese-Gobblin’ Christ, this shit is bonkers.
My esteemed Daily Kos colleague Dartagnan has already dispensed with the nonsense about Ilhan Omar (the “jihad squad member from Minnesota”) here, but there’s still plenty of mind detritus to sift through. Namely, the bit about Fang Fang.
Here’s how The Washington Post characterized Rep. Eric Swalwell’s relationship, such as it was, with alleged Chinese spy Christine Fang, aka Fang Fang. (Swalwell is the “three-month presidential candidate from California” Boebert refers to in her rant.)
So that’s not great, but it doesn’t appear as if Swalwell did anything wrong. He certainly didn’t tweet about Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s whereabouts during the violent siege of the Capitol on Jan. 6, for instance.
And, naturally, Rep. Swalwell took Boebert’s bilious eruptions as a teaching moment of sorts.
For the nontweeters:
Oh, snap. Yes, that’s true. Boebert’s former campaign manager, Sherronna Bishop, saw her home raided by the FBI yesterday as part of a probe into an alleged security breach in Mesa County, Colorado’s voting system. (Bishop was whining about it last night on Pillow Man Mike Lindell’s sprawling glitch of a website.) Reported by Salon:
Hmm. What kind of sketchy characters is Boebert associating with? Well, her husband, for one.
Where do Americans go to claim asylum from seeing your husband's willy? pic.twitter.com/6zgI2Oo6cr
— CuzMin?
I always thought it was pretty easy not to expose yourself to underage girls in a bowling alley, but it’s apparently a challenge for Boebert’s husband, Jayson, who did just that in 2004. (To be fair, the girl Jayson was dating—i.e., Boebert—was also underage at the time. She was 17; he was 24.)
Finally, “Democrat policies are so pathetic and have done so poorly ...”? Joe Biden created more jobs in nine months (5.6 million) than Donald Trump created in his entire term (i.e., less than zero).
Then again, Boebert isn’t talking to people with intelligence or common sense. She’s talking to people who think Donald Trump is going to alight from a cloud any day, retake the White House, and resume fucking up the country.
It won’t happen, but then Boebert isn’t exactly interested in making a cogent point. Nor can she.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.