Satan can’t possibly be as bad as the Bible makes him out to be. After all, we rarely hear Satan’s side of any issue, and until CNN gives him a nationally broadcast town hall to help him rehabilitate his image in the wake of the deadly, paradise-paving insurrection he incited against God, people will continue to misunderstand him.
Whatever you think of Satan, if you're an American, you have an inalienable First Amendment right to worship him—or ignore him—as you please. And if you’re a kid in Pennsylvania’s Saucon Valley School District who wants to start an after-school Satan club, you have every right to do that, too. So says a federal judge who may or may not be sharing a carafe of oak-aged circa 3000 BCE Sumerian baby’s blood with Pazuzu as we speak.
But whether or not Judge John Gallagher is actually a tool of Satan or just a janky shrub lopper of Judas is beside the point. His words are what’s relevant here, and he made it clear that the school district’s original decision to deny the After School Satan Club access to school facilities “was based on The Satanic Temple’s controversial views on religion and the community’s negative reactions thereto.”
In other words, the district was applying a religious test to determine if the club was, erm, kosher. And that’s a no-no in a secular liberal democracy.
RELATED STORY: Texas Republicans want to force religion down every child's throat
Insider:
Wait, they’re just a bunch of arts and science geeks doing things to improve their community? That’s way worse! Just as dancing can lead to sex, an appreciation for critical thinking, creative expression, and scientific inquiry can lead to Dungeons & Dragons. And no responsible parent wants that.
After determining that the school district’s original decision to ban the group was based on clear bias, Judge Gallagher was unequivocal in stating that the group’s interests needed to be protected.
“When confronted with a challenge to free speech, the government’s first instinct must be to forward expression rather than quash it,” he wrote. “Particularly when the content is controversial or inconvenient. Nothing less is consistent with the expressed purpose of American government to secure the core, innate rights of its people.”
The district had initially allowed the club to meet at the school but revoked its permission after a flyer promoting the club was distributed, and someone made a violent threat on the school’s voicemail saying he was going to come and “shoot everybody.” After that, all hell broke loose.
The Miami Herald:
And while a threat of violence is clearly a legitimate concern, the whole thing could have been avoided if the district had stayed out of the religion game to begin with—because they’re running schools, not churches.
For its part, the ACLU was over the moon it lustily bays at during its biannual solstice blood rituals.
“We applaud the court for recognizing the threat to the First Amendment rights of the After School Satan Club and The Satanic Temple and preventing Saucon Valley School District from continuing its brazen discrimination,” stated Sara Rose, deputy legal director of the ACLU of Pennsylvania. “This ruling sends a powerful message that the First Amendment protects the viewpoints and beliefs of all people and faiths. When a school district opens up its facilities, it cannot discriminate based on religious beliefs. This ruling reinforces the principle of equal access and ensures that all views have a fair opportunity to be expressed.”
Of course, this decision is bound to rankle the christofascists of the world, but there’s a clear solution: They could pray to and worship their god in any one of millions of nonpublic facilities across the country. So weird how they’ve never thought about this. Unless this is really all about swaying young, impressionable minds to their way of thinking by securing a de facto endorsement from their local public institutions.
RELATED STORY: Poll finds steep declines in how Americans value patriotism, religion, parenting
That’s exactly the point that the decidedly secularist Satanic Temple—sponsors of the after-school program, as well as the folks behind the Samuel Alito’s Mom’s Satanic Abortion Clinic—is keen on making. If public facilities are going to open their doors to mainstream Christian religious groups, they have to take all comers. The First Amendment does not discriminate, and the right to worship freely is not subject to popularity contests.
As the Temple notes in its section on the After School Satan Club—under the heading “Educatin’ With Satan”—the group “does not believe in introducing religion into public schools and will only open a club if other religious groups are operating on campus. ASSC exists to provide a safe and inclusive alternative to the religious clubs that use threats of eternal damnation to convert school children to their belief system.”
In other words, what’s good for the goose is good for the crow who tries to peck out your eye as you drift inexorably down the river Styx toward a yawning, desolate, inky-black crevasse of eternal misery.
Hail After School Satan Club! And hail Satanic Temple! Unlike that other pro-Satan group, you keep winning and winning—and we’re not close to getting tired of it.
Sign if you agree: America is not a Christian theocracy.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
Whatever you think of Satan, if you're an American, you have an inalienable First Amendment right to worship him—or ignore him—as you please. And if you’re a kid in Pennsylvania’s Saucon Valley School District who wants to start an after-school Satan club, you have every right to do that, too. So says a federal judge who may or may not be sharing a carafe of oak-aged circa 3000 BCE Sumerian baby’s blood with Pazuzu as we speak.
But whether or not Judge John Gallagher is actually a tool of Satan or just a janky shrub lopper of Judas is beside the point. His words are what’s relevant here, and he made it clear that the school district’s original decision to deny the After School Satan Club access to school facilities “was based on The Satanic Temple’s controversial views on religion and the community’s negative reactions thereto.”
In other words, the district was applying a religious test to determine if the club was, erm, kosher. And that’s a no-no in a secular liberal democracy.
RELATED STORY: Texas Republicans want to force religion down every child's throat
Insider:
Wait, they’re just a bunch of arts and science geeks doing things to improve their community? That’s way worse! Just as dancing can lead to sex, an appreciation for critical thinking, creative expression, and scientific inquiry can lead to Dungeons & Dragons. And no responsible parent wants that.
After determining that the school district’s original decision to ban the group was based on clear bias, Judge Gallagher was unequivocal in stating that the group’s interests needed to be protected.
“When confronted with a challenge to free speech, the government’s first instinct must be to forward expression rather than quash it,” he wrote. “Particularly when the content is controversial or inconvenient. Nothing less is consistent with the expressed purpose of American government to secure the core, innate rights of its people.”
The district had initially allowed the club to meet at the school but revoked its permission after a flyer promoting the club was distributed, and someone made a violent threat on the school’s voicemail saying he was going to come and “shoot everybody.” After that, all hell broke loose.
The Miami Herald:
And while a threat of violence is clearly a legitimate concern, the whole thing could have been avoided if the district had stayed out of the religion game to begin with—because they’re running schools, not churches.
For its part, the ACLU was over the moon it lustily bays at during its biannual solstice blood rituals.
“We applaud the court for recognizing the threat to the First Amendment rights of the After School Satan Club and The Satanic Temple and preventing Saucon Valley School District from continuing its brazen discrimination,” stated Sara Rose, deputy legal director of the ACLU of Pennsylvania. “This ruling sends a powerful message that the First Amendment protects the viewpoints and beliefs of all people and faiths. When a school district opens up its facilities, it cannot discriminate based on religious beliefs. This ruling reinforces the principle of equal access and ensures that all views have a fair opportunity to be expressed.”
Of course, this decision is bound to rankle the christofascists of the world, but there’s a clear solution: They could pray to and worship their god in any one of millions of nonpublic facilities across the country. So weird how they’ve never thought about this. Unless this is really all about swaying young, impressionable minds to their way of thinking by securing a de facto endorsement from their local public institutions.
RELATED STORY: Poll finds steep declines in how Americans value patriotism, religion, parenting
That’s exactly the point that the decidedly secularist Satanic Temple—sponsors of the after-school program, as well as the folks behind the Samuel Alito’s Mom’s Satanic Abortion Clinic—is keen on making. If public facilities are going to open their doors to mainstream Christian religious groups, they have to take all comers. The First Amendment does not discriminate, and the right to worship freely is not subject to popularity contests.
As the Temple notes in its section on the After School Satan Club—under the heading “Educatin’ With Satan”—the group “does not believe in introducing religion into public schools and will only open a club if other religious groups are operating on campus. ASSC exists to provide a safe and inclusive alternative to the religious clubs that use threats of eternal damnation to convert school children to their belief system.”
In other words, what’s good for the goose is good for the crow who tries to peck out your eye as you drift inexorably down the river Styx toward a yawning, desolate, inky-black crevasse of eternal misery.
Hail After School Satan Club! And hail Satanic Temple! Unlike that other pro-Satan group, you keep winning and winning—and we’re not close to getting tired of it.
Sign if you agree: America is not a Christian theocracy.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.