You’re reading If This Is The Year, a series of guides to tackling those big life goals the pandemic has put on hold – with the help of experts, we’re breaking things down into more manageable steps to take in 2022.
It’s a new year, 2021 is over and we can finally explore what we’d like accomplish in 2022. Even if you aren’t the type of person to write down yearly goals, everyone has an idea of what they’d like to achieve within a year. But how do you achieve a goal that seems difficult to accomplish? Or even out of your hands?
A lot of people won’t admit it, but finding the right partner is on the top of many people’s lists. When it comes to love, many people would rather it just happen out of the blue than go out and seek a partner.
We’re all for single empowerment, but the truth is, wanting to be in a stable relationship is valid, too. However, Stefan Walters, who is a psychotherapist and British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy member, says we shouldn’t focus too much on “getting into a long term relationship” as this would involve a lot of fortune telling.
“Instead, focus on creating a positive headspace for yourself, where you can feel secure and certain of your own priorities,” he tells HuffPost UK.
If we want to get into the right headspace for a relationship, Walters suggests writing a “Love List” – a checklist of all the qualities you would look for in a mate.
“Try to be aware of them as you start to date and meet potential partners,” he says. “As you meet people, you can start to ask questions about their vision for the future (eg. would they like to have children, own a property, go travelling, etc.) and see if it fits with your own, and whether you could potentially create a shared vision together.”
While you’re getting too know new people, try not to put too much pressure on yourself. “Go into each date with an open mind and no pressure, not being too outcome-focused, but just focusing on the connection in the moment and seeing if there’s an authentic spark to build from,” Walters adds.
If you meet or date someone and it doesn’t’ go exactly how you planned, Walters says there’s always something to be gained, not lost: “Every failed connection gives you more information about what to actually look for, or what might work better for the next date.”
Though getting into in a relationship is a tangible goal, you shouldn’t be too focused on the outcome. “It’s important that we have realistic goals, and simply staying present and focused on our own headspace and on finding an authentic connection is the best way to ultimately have a long-term relationship,” Walters says.
So, what are the steps someone can take if they want to find a loving relationship in 2022? Walters gives these tips.
Step 1 (start today) – Focus on yourself
“Figure out what activities and hobbies you enjoy most, and which of these might include a social element where you might meet other likeminded people.
“We need to feel secure and confident within ourselves before we can put ourselves out there and start to create authentic connection with others.”
Step 2 – When you feel ready, start to explore opportunities for connection
“This could be group activities or clubs, or one to one dates. Try not to have too much pressure or expectation, but just stay present, and try to enjoy yourself.
“Remember that every experience is a great learning opportunity so there needn’t be a sense of disappointment if things don’t always go well. Stay positive and learn from mistakes and think about what might work better next time around.”
Step 3 – When you meet someone, take it slow
“Just enjoy the time together, without trying to rush it or force it. Let things progress naturally and organically. Notice how you feel in this person’s presence; our nervous system and bodily cues can tell us a lot about potential connection. You should be able to feel safe and relaxed in this person’s company.”
Step 4 – If you meet someone you like, assess whether you share the same long-term goals
“Are they looking for the same things in a relationship? Do they share the same five-year plan? How about 10 or 20 years, or even beyond? Be authentic and open about what you’re looking for, and your vision for yourself, your partner, and the relationship.
“Most importantly, remember that love is a verb. Relationships take work and ebb and flow, so make sure your partner understands this and will be willing to work on things together when things get tough.”
A tip from someone who’s done it
Cosmin Cernica, a 28-year old content creator based in London and Dubai, is a huge believer in manifestation and believes this technique helped him find his partner after some “terrible dating experiences.”
“I thought that was it for my love life. I had really come to my wits end and that’s when I decided to use the Law of Attraction on my love life,” he says.
“When I reached the end of my tether with dating, I repeated to myself every morning I will meet the one. I will meet the one. I will meet the one. I had met my dream partner after a few months and completely flipped my life upside down.
“Your thoughts really have the power to bring anything into reality, and I truly believe it has helped me get to where I am today. It’s a process I will live by for the rest of my life and learning to manifest in the way you know works for you is vital for growth in life.
“There’s no point asking yourself when it’s going to come or why hasn’t it happened yet. You need to tell yourself it’s already happened.”
