Sometimes when I wake up in the morning feeling a bit down, and life seems like little more than a small service to the strange, twisted course of the universe, I think, “Well, it could be worse. I could be Matt Gaetz.” And then I think, “Nah. Impossible. If I were Matt Gaetz, I’d be wearing Donald Trump Underoos.” Then I go back to sleep, wondering when our country will return to any semblance of sanity.
But while the performative antics of folks like Rep. Gaetz and his BFF Marjorie Taylor Greene may fool some of the people some of the time, the wheels of justice grind deliberately, slowly, and, with any luck, over Matt Gaetz’s face.
Well, as the saying goes, “His judgment cometh, and that right soon.”
According to a new ABC News report, Gaetz’s ex-BFF, Joel Greenberg, is singing like a sack of horny canaries, and it could be seriously bad news for our infamous Florida Man:
Oh, well, that could be anything. Funny cat photos. Reimbursements for SeaWorld Segway tours. Surreptitious payments made in exchange for sex with young women. There are tens of possibilities. Why jump to conclusions?
D’oh!
According to ABC News, one of the texts Greenberg sent the woman said, “I have a friend flying in and we are trying to make plans for tonight. What are your plans for later. And how much of an allowance will you be requiring
”
Ew. Looks a bit skeevy. But don’t jump to conclusions just y—
Oh, good God, what fresh hell is this?
Okay, that looks kind of like a quid pro quo. Oopsie.
Of course, Gaetz isn’t in hot water simply for (allegedly) soliciting prostitution. He’s also in trouble for (again, allegedly) trafficking underage girls. Greenberg has already pleaded guilty to the sex trafficking of a minor and admitted to “introducing her to other ‘adult men’ who also had sex with her when she was underage.”
That’s not good. For anyone. But it’s a particularly fraught situation for Gaetz. You just need to read the tea leaves. Or Twitter.
Hope he enjoyed all those posh hotel rooms. Not sure if he’ll like the accommodations in his new digs. Personally, I’d hate to have a shared toilet in the middle of my living room. Then again, that may finally give him good reason to wear that comically large gas mask he loves so much.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
But while the performative antics of folks like Rep. Gaetz and his BFF Marjorie Taylor Greene may fool some of the people some of the time, the wheels of justice grind deliberately, slowly, and, with any luck, over Matt Gaetz’s face.
Well, as the saying goes, “His judgment cometh, and that right soon.”
According to a new ABC News report, Gaetz’s ex-BFF, Joel Greenberg, is singing like a sack of horny canaries, and it could be seriously bad news for our infamous Florida Man:
Oh, well, that could be anything. Funny cat photos. Reimbursements for SeaWorld Segway tours. Surreptitious payments made in exchange for sex with young women. There are tens of possibilities. Why jump to conclusions?
D’oh!
According to ABC News, one of the texts Greenberg sent the woman said, “I have a friend flying in and we are trying to make plans for tonight. What are your plans for later. And how much of an allowance will you be requiring
”Ew. Looks a bit skeevy. But don’t jump to conclusions just y—
Oh, good God, what fresh hell is this?
Okay, that looks kind of like a quid pro quo. Oopsie.
Of course, Gaetz isn’t in hot water simply for (allegedly) soliciting prostitution. He’s also in trouble for (again, allegedly) trafficking underage girls. Greenberg has already pleaded guilty to the sex trafficking of a minor and admitted to “introducing her to other ‘adult men’ who also had sex with her when she was underage.”
That’s not good. For anyone. But it’s a particularly fraught situation for Gaetz. You just need to read the tea leaves. Or Twitter.
Hope he enjoyed all those posh hotel rooms. Not sure if he’ll like the accommodations in his new digs. Personally, I’d hate to have a shared toilet in the middle of my living room. Then again, that may finally give him good reason to wear that comically large gas mask he loves so much.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.