It’s still unclear whose White House bid Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s independent presidential run will damage more, Donald Trump’s or President Joe Biden’s. On the one hand, Kennedy’s a member of the most revered and celebrated Democratic political family in the history of our nation. And that should hurt Biden. On the other hand, Li’l Bobby is more likely to appeal to voters who fear the COVID-19 vaccine will cause a demon baby arm to grow out of their foreheads and slap the Eucharist away whenever they try to take communion.
And that would most definitely hurt Trump.
Regardless, the Biden campaign is taking the RFK Jr. threat fairly seriously, having recently set up a St. Patrick’s Day photo op with dozens of members of the Kennedy brood—whereas Trump is trying to keep his bonkers brigade in lockstep by hurtling off the deep end with them.
We’ll see how the indie campaign plays out, but if things in RFK Jr.’s camp keeping going as they have been lately, neither side may have to worry all that much.
This tweet really is something.
But that’s soooo last week. As Kennedy prepares to announce his running mate—thankfully, it’s not New York Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers, though it might have been fun to watch him blow out his Achilles four words into his first speech—Kennedy’s enduring a series of embarrassing headlines that could throw sand in his campaign’s gears just as he’s, well, gearing up.
First, the obviously very competent Kennedy has already botched one of the most basic steps in becoming president: getting on the ballot.
CBS News:
While this may seem like a picayune error, it’s fair to ask if this is the sort of diligence and efficiency we can expect from an RFK Jr. administration. How will he navigate his inevitable first-term measles crisis if he can’t even get his ballot signatures right? Does he even know how to set up a quarantine? You can’t mix the measles kids with the polio kids. Their diseases are caused by discrete, completely incompatible demon sperm strains. It would be medieval medical malpractice. And bedlam. Let’s not forget bedlam.
Meanwhile, RFK Jr. is hoping to expand his narrow appeal beyond barmy horse-paste eaters to consumers of all livestock medicines, so it might be a wee-bit problematic for him to have this guy as one of his top supporters.
Welp. That’s not a great look. Then again, Thropp is a piker. Imagine how many family members you could kill by, say, convincing them not to get vaccinated against easily preventable diseases. And imagine if people kept inviting you on their radio shows to spread that deadly message. And—whoa!—just imagine if you had the biggest megaphone and bully pulpit in the world to help you advertise your nonsense. You could conceivably help kill millions! Sawed-off shotguns are for fucking amateurs. Just think what a pestilence-promoting president could do to for humanity!
Of course, RFK Jr. has also been downplaying his family’s enthusiastic support for Biden. After the Biden campaign released the above photo of the Kennedy clan at the White House, RFK Jr. was quick to claim that only a small percentage of his family thinks he’s an irresponsible threat to democracy and the health of last every human being on the planet.
The Hill, March 19:
Really? A small percentage? Is he counting eighth cousins? Louisiana Sen. John Neely Kennedy? Marilyn Monroe? Because, sure, it’s a big family, but it’s not that big.
During his interview with Cuomo, Kennedy said, “Last July 4, I think there was 105 people at the Cape, and many other family members are working for my campaign and many other family members supportive.”
Yeah, 105 is indeed a lot of people. Then again, you’ll find more than 40 people in the above photo, not counting small children. And according to my back-of-the-envelope calculation, 40 divided by 105—when expressed as a percentage—is approximately a fuck-ton.
Kennedy also hinted that his family members were only smiling because they got to visit the White House, which is super fun and exciting—especially when there are no easily preventable disease outbreaks to contend with.
“They look very happy in that photograph and, you know, it’s very exhilarating,” Kennedy told Cuomo. “It’s intoxicating being in the White House, and I’m glad I got to—I played a role, I think, in facilitating that visit to the White House and bringing them all such happiness, so I’m happy about that.”
Oh, great! Another candidate who takes credit for every good thing that ever happens. Just what we were looking for!
Of course, RFK Jr. forgot to mention that four of the Kennedys who think he’s a useful fool for Trump and his virus friends are his siblings.
Oh, and in case you’re actually interested in who Bobby Jr.’s running mate is? It’s Silicon Valley lawyer and investor Nicole Shanahan, Kennedy announced Tuesday afternoon. Apparently, she helped his PAC backers pay for that shitty and scandalous Super Bowl ad they ran on his behalf.
No word yet on whether she has all her shots, but stay tuned.
Campaign Action
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link.
And that would most definitely hurt Trump.
Regardless, the Biden campaign is taking the RFK Jr. threat fairly seriously, having recently set up a St. Patrick’s Day photo op with dozens of members of the Kennedy brood—whereas Trump is trying to keep his bonkers brigade in lockstep by hurtling off the deep end with them.
We’ll see how the indie campaign plays out, but if things in RFK Jr.’s camp keeping going as they have been lately, neither side may have to worry all that much.
This tweet really is something.
“It’s not enough to wish the world were better, you must make the world better” @POTUS President Biden, you make the world better. Happy St. Patrick’s Day@vradenburg3 @Mkennedycuomo @vickikennedy2277 @amykennedy715 @pjk4brainhealt @roryekennedy @maxeykennedy pic.twitter.com/UZBcUjtEDh
— Kerry Kennedy (@KerryKennedyRFK) March 18, 2024
But that’s soooo last week. As Kennedy prepares to announce his running mate—thankfully, it’s not New York Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers, though it might have been fun to watch him blow out his Achilles four words into his first speech—Kennedy’s enduring a series of embarrassing headlines that could throw sand in his campaign’s gears just as he’s, well, gearing up.
First, the obviously very competent Kennedy has already botched one of the most basic steps in becoming president: getting on the ballot.
CBS News:
While this may seem like a picayune error, it’s fair to ask if this is the sort of diligence and efficiency we can expect from an RFK Jr. administration. How will he navigate his inevitable first-term measles crisis if he can’t even get his ballot signatures right? Does he even know how to set up a quarantine? You can’t mix the measles kids with the polio kids. Their diseases are caused by discrete, completely incompatible demon sperm strains. It would be medieval medical malpractice. And bedlam. Let’s not forget bedlam.
Meanwhile, RFK Jr. is hoping to expand his narrow appeal beyond barmy horse-paste eaters to consumers of all livestock medicines, so it might be a wee-bit problematic for him to have this guy as one of his top supporters.
Welp. That’s not a great look. Then again, Thropp is a piker. Imagine how many family members you could kill by, say, convincing them not to get vaccinated against easily preventable diseases. And imagine if people kept inviting you on their radio shows to spread that deadly message. And—whoa!—just imagine if you had the biggest megaphone and bully pulpit in the world to help you advertise your nonsense. You could conceivably help kill millions! Sawed-off shotguns are for fucking amateurs. Just think what a pestilence-promoting president could do to for humanity!
Of course, RFK Jr. has also been downplaying his family’s enthusiastic support for Biden. After the Biden campaign released the above photo of the Kennedy clan at the White House, RFK Jr. was quick to claim that only a small percentage of his family thinks he’s an irresponsible threat to democracy and the health of last every human being on the planet.
The Hill, March 19:
Really? A small percentage? Is he counting eighth cousins? Louisiana Sen. John Neely Kennedy? Marilyn Monroe? Because, sure, it’s a big family, but it’s not that big.
During his interview with Cuomo, Kennedy said, “Last July 4, I think there was 105 people at the Cape, and many other family members are working for my campaign and many other family members supportive.”
Yeah, 105 is indeed a lot of people. Then again, you’ll find more than 40 people in the above photo, not counting small children. And according to my back-of-the-envelope calculation, 40 divided by 105—when expressed as a percentage—is approximately a fuck-ton.
Kennedy also hinted that his family members were only smiling because they got to visit the White House, which is super fun and exciting—especially when there are no easily preventable disease outbreaks to contend with.
“They look very happy in that photograph and, you know, it’s very exhilarating,” Kennedy told Cuomo. “It’s intoxicating being in the White House, and I’m glad I got to—I played a role, I think, in facilitating that visit to the White House and bringing them all such happiness, so I’m happy about that.”
Oh, great! Another candidate who takes credit for every good thing that ever happens. Just what we were looking for!
Of course, RFK Jr. forgot to mention that four of the Kennedys who think he’s a useful fool for Trump and his virus friends are his siblings.
Oh, and in case you’re actually interested in who Bobby Jr.’s running mate is? It’s Silicon Valley lawyer and investor Nicole Shanahan, Kennedy announced Tuesday afternoon. Apparently, she helped his PAC backers pay for that shitty and scandalous Super Bowl ad they ran on his behalf.
No word yet on whether she has all her shots, but stay tuned.
Campaign Action
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link.