Apparently, most congressional committees are as boring as Texas during a devastating winter storm, because Ted Cruz doesn’t want to stick around for any of them. He just wants to be caught on camera pretending to care.
If you want to draw Cruz like a fly to your picnic, you don’t need to set out a blended strawberry margarita. Just give him a chance to spew out-of-context lies in front of what will eventually become a rapt Fox News audience.
Cruz—who is not the Zodiac killer; stop fucking saying that already—has been playing ding-dong-ditch at various congressional committees, leaving flaming bags of poo before running off to let his colleagues clean up his fragrant pyrotech-shits.
Exhibit 1: Cruz hijacks a gun violence hearing to spew irrelevant distortions about two of President Joe Biden’s nominees … both women of color.
Transcript!
Shorter Blumenthal: “Sir, this is a Wendy’s.”
Regarding the substance of Cruz’s claims, one could plausibly say that Gupta, for instance, flip-flopped on some of her positions with respect to “defunding”—not abolishing—the police, but Cruz elides the fact that “defunding the police” actually refers to shifting resources toward social programs while redefining police officers’ roles, as explained in this Washington Post fact check:
Exhibit 2: Cruz tells us all how Republicans would behave if they had more control over elections.
Transcript!
Oh, nice to know that Republicans are looking for every possible loophole they can find to cheat and undermine confidence in our elections. Who could have guessed?
It’s hard to know exactly what Cruz is talking about here, given that he appears congenitally incapable of saying anything without brutally distorting reality, but it’s clear that Republicans have been lying about the For the People Act for some time now. Why would Cruz be any different?
Exhibit 3: Cruz lies (don’t be too shocked now) about undocumented immigrants. (If you don’t do Twitter, hit this link to unroll the thread.)
Ah, “facts.” Whatever. Who cares about facts anymore when you have an ex-president who continues to regurgitate pureed pabulum to an eager audience of hungry pups? No one in the Republican Party cares about facts. As Cruz amply proves in his Tuesday Cruzday adventures, they care about fact-adjacent morsels of easily disproven (if you take the time to parse them, that is) merde.
But then merde has always been Cruz’s animating force, as Chris Hayes points out in this post-Cancun Cruz clip:
YouTube Video
Honestly, Ted’s Cancun trip—and the fact that he tried to blame the debacle on his daughters—is all you really need to know about him. As Hayes notes in the above clip, Cruz is basically “Rush Limbaugh with a Senate office.” He simply doesn't care about governing. He wants to “performatively troll the libs,” as Hayes quips.
Yeah, that pretty well sums it up.
Cruz is supplying sound bites that can be run in advance of the inevitable Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity interviews he will do on these very same subjects. Right-wingers will then giddily note how Cruz destroyed those feckless snowflakes while deliberately ignoring all that dull legislative minutiae.
Of course, Cruz isn’t alone. He’s the modern GOP writ large. And now that the lead circus clown has left the tent, Cruz is taking his floppy-shoes tour to every corner of Washington.
I can only hope that our democracy holds longer than those bulging veins on Cruz’s neck.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
If you want to draw Cruz like a fly to your picnic, you don’t need to set out a blended strawberry margarita. Just give him a chance to spew out-of-context lies in front of what will eventually become a rapt Fox News audience.
Cruz—who is not the Zodiac killer; stop fucking saying that already—has been playing ding-dong-ditch at various congressional committees, leaving flaming bags of poo before running off to let his colleagues clean up his fragrant pyrotech-shits.
Exhibit 1: Cruz hijacks a gun violence hearing to spew irrelevant distortions about two of President Joe Biden’s nominees … both women of color.
Transcript!
Shorter Blumenthal: “Sir, this is a Wendy’s.”
Regarding the substance of Cruz’s claims, one could plausibly say that Gupta, for instance, flip-flopped on some of her positions with respect to “defunding”—not abolishing—the police, but Cruz elides the fact that “defunding the police” actually refers to shifting resources toward social programs while redefining police officers’ roles, as explained in this Washington Post fact check:
Exhibit 2: Cruz tells us all how Republicans would behave if they had more control over elections.
Transcript!
Oh, nice to know that Republicans are looking for every possible loophole they can find to cheat and undermine confidence in our elections. Who could have guessed?
It’s hard to know exactly what Cruz is talking about here, given that he appears congenitally incapable of saying anything without brutally distorting reality, but it’s clear that Republicans have been lying about the For the People Act for some time now. Why would Cruz be any different?
Exhibit 3: Cruz lies (don’t be too shocked now) about undocumented immigrants. (If you don’t do Twitter, hit this link to unroll the thread.)
Ah, “facts.” Whatever. Who cares about facts anymore when you have an ex-president who continues to regurgitate pureed pabulum to an eager audience of hungry pups? No one in the Republican Party cares about facts. As Cruz amply proves in his Tuesday Cruzday adventures, they care about fact-adjacent morsels of easily disproven (if you take the time to parse them, that is) merde.
But then merde has always been Cruz’s animating force, as Chris Hayes points out in this post-Cancun Cruz clip:
YouTube Video
Honestly, Ted’s Cancun trip—and the fact that he tried to blame the debacle on his daughters—is all you really need to know about him. As Hayes notes in the above clip, Cruz is basically “Rush Limbaugh with a Senate office.” He simply doesn't care about governing. He wants to “performatively troll the libs,” as Hayes quips.
Yeah, that pretty well sums it up.
Cruz is supplying sound bites that can be run in advance of the inevitable Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity interviews he will do on these very same subjects. Right-wingers will then giddily note how Cruz destroyed those feckless snowflakes while deliberately ignoring all that dull legislative minutiae.
Of course, Cruz isn’t alone. He’s the modern GOP writ large. And now that the lead circus clown has left the tent, Cruz is taking his floppy-shoes tour to every corner of Washington.
I can only hope that our democracy holds longer than those bulging veins on Cruz’s neck.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.