Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My teen daughter couldn’t decide what style of glasses to get so my husband suggested a pair like mine and she’s managed to narrow it down to anything but that.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 17, 2021
“This could’ve been an email”- me at my daughter’s recital.
— Mark Chalifoux (@markchalifoux) July 19, 2021
8 doesn't want us to see him in his underwear anymore but instead of putting pajamas on he wears a blanket or just tells us "don't look at me" and i don't think he's going to be a problem solver.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 19, 2021
Welcome to parenthood. Your child will be assigned a favorite YouTuber who will make you want to slice your ears off shortly.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 20, 2021
Husband: The kids just said I’m not young or cool anymore.
Me: *organizing his Crocs* I wonder why they’d say something like that.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) July 19, 2021
6 asked for "pity bread" with hummus and that should tell you everything you need to know about my experiments with bread making this past year.
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) July 22, 2021
“WHY ARE THEY STEALING OUR TRASH!?”
~ My kid, horrified that the garbage men are doing their job.
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) July 22, 2021
You think your kid is creepy?
My 5yo told me she was eating baby chicks as she happily ate her eggs
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) July 22, 2021
At the hotel pool my 6yo kept saying “No sex in the pool” and I stared at him dumbfounded until I finally realized he was pointing at my socks
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) July 22, 2021
4 drew a picture of our family and I asked why I was so much bigger than everyone else and he said “you’re the biggest because you know everything mummy“ and now he’s sitting in bed eating ice cream while I write “FAVOURITE CHILD” on his bedroom door
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 19, 2021
My son asked if queens were real. I said, "yes, there's one" & pointed to my wife. So don't tell me I don't know how to make up for forgetting about date night.
— A Bearer Of Dad News?? (@HomeWithPeanut) July 22, 2021
42% of parenting is locating things for your children that are in plain view OMG it's RIGHT. THERE.
— Ohio mom of two #BLM ?️? (@OhioMomoftwo) July 22, 2021
Child: [eating a bag of blueberries]
Me: Stocking up on your antioxidants?
Child: No. I think if I eat enough of these my poop will turn blue.
Me:
Child:
Me: give me some
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 23, 2021
My 6 year old told me, ‘Wow, you are eating ice cream and not getting messy at all! You should be an ice cream eater!” and now I’m thinking of making a career change.
— Mama Needs A Coke (@MamaNeedsACoke) July 19, 2021
gets up early, wakes kids up, makes lunches, gets kids dressed, sits on bed scrolling twitter for 25 mins, scrambles to get ready in 4 mins, grabs coffee and runs out the door 5 mins late
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) July 22, 2021
Nothing raises my blood pressure faster than when my 3 year old tells me not to worry
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 20, 2021
My 4 year old screamed at me because I held his favourite teddy by its leg and did not “cuddle carry” it, and to be honest I should know better
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) July 22, 2021
I told my 9yo if we are going to Target I have to change into a cuter outfit and he was like “Why?” and I was like “Because I’m going to be seen by the people” and he was like “Nobody’s really going to be paying attention to you though” and anyway now he’s grounded.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) July 18, 2021
My 4yo calls the nail salon the Toe Salon, and anyway…that’s what it’s called now.
— Heather #BLM?️? (@dishs_up) July 22, 2021
Tears of joy rolled down my eyes as my 6YO told my wife that she was a louder snoring volcano than daddy
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 21, 2021
