Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
6YO: Can I eat a cookie?
Me: Finish your dinner first
6YO: My stomach is full except for a circle shaped space
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 2, 2021
My kids love playing pretend. My 9yo pretends to be a dinosaur and my 13yo pretends she doesn’t know us.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 3, 2021
before i had kids i knew exactly how i would raise them…this morning i bribed them to get out of bed with peanut butter marshmallow sandwiches
childless me didn’t have a clue
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 4, 2021
“mom if you’re still alive when I turn 7 can you braid my hair for my birthday?”
-my 6.5 year old daughter
— Krysta (@kaL12578) August 4, 2021
Somewhere between asking me for a banana and me giving him the banana, 4 decided he didn’t like bananas anymore
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 3, 2021
A moment of silence for two of my three kids that have to wear masks to start school. My third, who hates his braces, couldn’t be happier.
— Sweet Momissa ? (@sweetmomissa) August 3, 2021
The microwave for my son's dorm room was just delivered so I'm making sure it works by microwaving a fish in it on high for 20 minutes.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) August 4, 2021
I'm not saying my kids come to me for everything but if I was on fire & my husband was 10 feet away, they'd still ask me for a snack.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 3, 2021
As a new mom: My son is 22 months and 3 weeks and 2 days and 7 hours old!
Now: How old is he? Um…*stops kid as he’s walking by*…hey, how old are you now?
Him: I’m turning 7, Mom
Me: Ok, yeah you heard him he’s 7
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) August 2, 2021
Trying not to be a friend matchmaker for my son since the move, but must say that the kid who followed up the “orcas made out of bakeable clay” workshop by approaching staff and telling them orcas aren’t actually whales, they’re part of the dolphin family, is a strong contender
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) August 4, 2021
Every single parent in the history of kid’s birthday parties who was offered a slice of pizza and declined really wanted that pizza.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 5, 2021
Kids be like I see you're having a bad day, let me not help at all by having a tantrum right now
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 31, 2021
4 y/o’s have an uncanny ability to use made-up words in just the right way as in, “This pop tart is kindabit good, but kindabit yucky, too.”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) August 2, 2021
My children’s excitement about going to a destination and subsequent assessment of said destination is based almost entirely on what snacks are available to them while they’re there.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 2, 2021
brb have to serve my son his third helping of this "disgusting" dinner
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 4, 2021
My child just pulled a butterscotch sucking candy out of my purse. I have no clue where it came from. Dear god….have I reached the age where they just start appearing?!?
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) August 3, 2021
My favorite hobby is asking my sons to lower their voices, seeing them nod in agreement, then hearing them continue to speak at the same volume.
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) July 31, 2021
My 6-year-old recently learned about nutrition and now whenever he wants a snack, he comes up behind me and whispers in my ear, “I need food to survive.”
— Kiss my Fat Ash? (@Tobi_Is_Fab) August 5, 2021
What doesn't kill you wakes you up at 5 am asking for cereal and Peppa Pig.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 4, 2021
Welcome to parenthood, everything is…..I’m so tired…what was I saying
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 4, 2021
