Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Welcome to parenting. People who actually eat dirt will now criticize your cooking.
— The Nefarious A-Aron (@deeprocktees) August 16, 2021
It’s not so much that my child asked “how do people become green beans” as it is that she asked it WHILE eating green beans
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 19, 2021
As far as I can tell, parenthood is about desperately wanting my newborn to fall asleep so I can look at the 500 adorable photos I took of her that day.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) August 17, 2021
I asked the kids if there was anything they wanted from the grocery store and the first thing my daughter asked was, “how is our cheese situation”
— Crockett? (@CrockettForReal) August 19, 2021
My son's favorite new outrage is, "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!?" You're 5, bro. Sorry we didn't consult you while shopping for this credenza.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 16, 2021
my three year old daughter told me she used the potty and I accidentally said “yessss bitch!” and held out my hand for a high five
— Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) August 16, 2021
This past weekend I moved to another country, and people are like “omg! So jealous! You live in paradise, now you can relax!” And it’s like I’m sorry there seems to have been some miscommunication I still brought my kids with me so no.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) August 16, 2021
The baby has started randomly smiling and they say it’s probably gas but I’d like to think she’s remembering episodes of Frasier she watched with God.
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) August 18, 2021
Based on how much effort my kids put into finding anything before declaring it lost, a nursing home may be the safest place for me in my old age.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) August 18, 2021
My son described my job as "Mama sit mama type" so I have to walk into the sea.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) August 18, 2021
one of my kids got mad at the other because she made him laugh too much so i immediately launched into a story about how in my day laughter hadn’t even been invented yet
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 19, 2021
Welcome to parenting. You have now become Kid’s Name’s Mom in everyone’s phone.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 16, 2021
I was once introduced to a couple at a party. We chatted for a while then their kids came over. I looked at the kids, then looked at the couple and said “omg how did you two have such beautiful children” and that’s why I shouldn’t be allowed to talk to people
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 15, 2021
Before I had kids, I didn't know it was possible to ruin someone's day by saying, "Brush your teeth, please."
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 19, 2021
ME AS A KID: i wish i was an adult so i could do whatever i want
ME AS AN ADULT: i wish i was a kid so i could do whatever i want
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 18, 2021
I think it's important to start traditions with your kids when they are young. For example, we do this thing on the weekends where my wife & I cook dinner, then our kids criticize it.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) August 16, 2021
My daughter just told me that I'm about to be a grandma. She's 2.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) August 15, 2021
I wish I loved anything as much as my kids love leaving their Band-Aids in the shower.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) August 17, 2021
My 10yo refers to Facebook as “Nosebook” because my “nose is always in it,” and I think this is what “getting owned by your kid” feels like
— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) August 14, 2021
Somewhere out there, there is a parent who has only had to say something once
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) August 16, 2021