The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

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Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.


Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

the hospital sending me home with a whole baby honestly showed very poor judgement on their part

— ? cella ? (@cellapaz) September 9, 2021​

Hear me out. A new toddler clothing line called “I Don’t Need Help” where all of the clothing is already inside out and always backwards.

— Yelisa (@motherplaylist) September 8, 2021​

How to keep your home clean:

1. Get your family out of the house
2. Clean
3. Never let your family back in the house

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 7, 2021​

My 10yo just told me a joke:

Q: “What are a chocolate bar’s pronouns?”

A: “Her-she”

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) September 9, 2021​

Gonna take my dad skills to work and solve every conflict with a loud, deep "HEY!"

— Xennaissance Dad (@XennDad) September 9, 2021​

my kid’s homework pic.twitter.com/wCxZmledUs

— Kiss my Fat Ash? (@Tobi_Is_Fab) September 9, 2021​

OMG I hope no one finds out I have a family.

-Teenagers

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 7, 2021​

Kids be like, I see you’ve just made yourself comfortable, I have prepared a list of requests for your assistance.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 9, 2021​

no one:

absolutely no one:

my five year old: you can touch my blood if you want

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 6, 2021​

This morning my toddler informed me — w great enthusiasm — that when she grows up, she will “drink coffee!” and “go to the office!” And it occurs to me that we’re modeling some pretty grim behavior around here.

— Ashley Parker (@AshleyRParker) September 9, 2021​

As a parent, I was prepared for the boy to get into violent video games, but I was not prepared for him to become obsessed with a vineyard management sim called Terroir and get upset about critics slagging off his Zinfandel

— Will Wiles (@WillWiles) September 7, 2021​

Dining out with kids is a great way to practice talking in angry whispers

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 5, 2021​

Behold, the spirit animal of every kid waking up for school after a 3-day weekend pic.twitter.com/CMTShKou1q

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) September 7, 2021​

One of my kids went into my bedroom with two enormous wedges of cheese. He’s eating the cheese in my bedroom right? He didn’t bring a plate.

— Molly Jong-Fast (@MollyJongFast) September 10, 2021​

The thirteen-year-old got a kazoo. Thoughts and prayers, please.

— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) September 4, 2021​

Lmao pic.twitter.com/E7yAcZDsXH

— Jessi (@OlMumsyJess) September 5, 2021​

ME: please eat your sandwich

WHAT MY KID HEARS: please reverse engineer your sandwich until it looks like the earth from which it came

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 6, 2021​

I got scolded by my daughter for using punctuation in a text message.

Why, would; she! do. that?

— Sweet Momissa ? (@sweetmomissa) September 4, 2021​

It takes me about three minutes to make my 5yo a peanut butter and jelly sandwich which is coincidentally the exact amount of time it takes my 5yo to decide she doesn’t actually want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) September 8, 2021​

my son didn't know the name for a clothes hanger so I was pretty confused when he asked me for a pants hooker

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) September 8, 2021​

Babies recognize their mothers' voices in the womb so they can selectively block it when they're older.

— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) September 7, 2021​

It’s crazy that it took like 10 months to come up with a covid vaccine but it’s taken ETERNITY and still no one has come up with a sippy cup that doesn’t leak.

— Emily Favreau (@emilyfavreau) September 9, 2021​

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