The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

[Brexiter]

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.


Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

Secret to peaceful parenting is to never tell your child the plans for the day

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 16, 2021​

Stepping down from my job to devote myself full time to reading the emails from my kids schools

— Joseph Birbiglia (@joebirbigs) September 12, 2021​

Neighbor: hey is everything okay there’s a lot of yelling in your backyard

Me: yeah the kids are just attempting to play a game together

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) September 14, 2021​

When my 4-year-old gets mad at someone in our family she draws a family picture without them. That's the pettiest thing I've ever seen.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 12, 2021​

Let’s get married and have kids so instead of relaxing during weeknights we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 14, 2021​

Dads just want one thing and it’s to have everyone believe they’re just resting their eyes when they are clearly sleeping

— Maryfairyboberry??‍ (@maryfairybobrry) September 15, 2021​

My son has been taking money out of my purse and storing it in a plastic bag and hiding it in a book. He is 3. I asked why - he goes “don’t worry, that’s just my secret money”. He has $43. WTF.

— Molly (of no relation to fun drug) (@Mollyissilly) September 12, 2021​

why can’t there be a school picture package with only 1 big picture and 3 medium ones? has anyone in existence used up 52 wallet sized pics of their kids?

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 15, 2021​

pic.twitter.com/q1H1GxvnOA

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 14, 2021​

My 5-year-old: Grandma is so nice!

Me: [mutters] maybe to you.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) September 16, 2021​

If the kids can’t find something I say “I think it’s in the car” then I sit in the car for 10 minutes on my own pretending to look for it

Parent level: expert

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) September 16, 2021​

Because I was on a call and could not get her a snack, the six year old handed me a note that said “I hate this stupid dumb world, I want to be happy and I am not” so I guess she’ll be a literary fiction writer

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) September 15, 2021​

A Tinder style app that helps parents find other parents to drink with

— Crockett? (@CrockettForReal) September 14, 2021​

My son has been sick (not Covid) and shout out to my mom, who loaned us the SAME pot of Vicks she used to use on me growing up.

Expiration date 1-87 pic.twitter.com/LqWx3LYI2c

— Heather Chacon (@wickettred) September 12, 2021​

I’m Mom. You might remember me from such hits as “Everyone in the Car” and its sequel “What Do You Mean You Forgot to Wear Shoes.”

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 16, 2021​

Parenting is about lovingly tucking your kids into bed at night and still waking up with a small foot on your face.

— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) September 14, 2021​

Trying to decide on a school portrait package that’s somewhere between “I care but I don’t need my son’s face on a kitchen towel.”

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 12, 2021​

Tell me you have kids without telling me you have kids pic.twitter.com/tRhRjaTd97

— Lara? Anti-BS (@Eithercryingor) September 16, 2021​

when my kids walk in on me eating my snack stash pic.twitter.com/PJCWzoOHA2

— Lil Bit ? (@LizerReal) September 16, 2021​

I caught my 9-year-old helping my 5-year-old with her math homework.

When they noticed I was watching, they started fighting.

Have to keep up appearances.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 13, 2021​

My 8yo was playing science lab, spilled some concoction on the floor, and made a sign saying “caution: wet floor” instead of wiping it up, parenting is friggin’ ridiculous

— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 13, 2021​

My kid has Monday off for what school is calling “Family Connection Time.” I’ve had 5 years and 3 summer months of that. Take my kid.

— MommyCocktail (@MommyCocktail) September 12, 2021​

Been feeling a little moody and run down lately, so I googled my symptoms to see what I might have.

It’s kids. I have kids.

— Mama Needs A Coke (@MamaNeedsACoke) September 15, 2021​

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