The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

[Brexiter]

Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.


Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HPUKParents on Twitter for more!

before you buy your kid a toy that plays a cute little song, ask yourself: do i want to have that cute little song stuck in my head forever?

— Erin Ryan (@morninggloria) January 2, 2022​

i can’t believe it’s 2022 and I’m sequestered at home exactly like I was in 2020 except now I have TWO kids because I’m an idiot

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) January 3, 2022​

My daughter calls Netflix “Netflakes.”

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 1, 2022​

No one:

My 8yo on the 3rd of January: So what are we doing for Halloween?

— Yelisa (@motherplaylist) January 3, 2022​

The funny part about temporarily being in a wheelchair is how my 5yo keeps telling me she’s going to push me in my stroller.

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) January 3, 2022​

This guy keeps telling his 2yo “hey, stop it” and I don’t think he knows how toddlers work

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 6, 2022​

Ladies, we are creeping up on the 2-year anniversary of the first batch of “Moms Are At Their Breaking Point” Covid think-pieces. How do you plan to celebrate? I’m leaning toward nervous breakdown, but open to ideas.

— J. Courtney Sullivan (@jcourtsull) January 4, 2022​

Nodding absent mindedly and saying "Sounds good" to your child sometimes means that you just agreed to a sleepover with 4 friends at your own house and this is why parenting is dangerous.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) January 6, 2022​

If my kids are stuck on a deserted island with just one set of clothes, they’ll still end up with piles of laundry

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 4, 2022​

Monopoly is a great game that teaches children the person with the most amount of money is usually an asshole.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 2, 2022​

My kids are 6 & 4. Unless you're a business where 3 & under are free.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) January 1, 2022​

thoughts and prayers for my 8 yo who is distraught that he has to take a shower today after he "just took a shower 4 days ago".

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 6, 2022​

Kids will sleep no problem on any surface, but can't walk if their socks are on inside out

— Big, Bad Caffeinated Dad ?? (@CafeinatedBacon) January 3, 2022​

i heard my five year old talking about her boyfriend so i asked what it meant to have a boyfriend

5: he gives me all his goldfish at snack time

…looks like she gets this relationship stuff

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 6, 2022​

Told my 10 y/o daughter that even though I got a big promotion at work my most important job is still just being her dad and she said, “that’s nice” and asked me to get her a glass of water.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 5, 2022​

The hoodie IS my jacket

-teenagers

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 6, 2022​

Me- Why are you in my closet?
11- I like to fart in here

— Maryfairyboberry??‍ (@maryfairybobrry) January 6, 2022​

My 5yo has come up with bedtime topics such as how elephants give birth, how the sun produces heat, and natural disasters.

— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) January 2, 2022​

10: Dad, what's the opposite of "discombobulated?"

Husband:

Me, yelling from the kitchen: You don't know, do NOT say "combobulated!"

— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) January 5, 2022​

I talk a lot of shit for a guy who knows all the lyrics to 43 Wiggles songs.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 5, 2022​

We should never get a baby because babies are awful.

- My youngest ensuring her job security

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 5, 2022​