The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

[Brexiter]

Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy.

Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HPUKParents on Twitter for more!

I’m writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 23, 2022​

Packing your kid’s lunch is just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the day.

— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) November 20, 2022​

My son was disappointed to realize that the US team was playing a country called Wales and not a large group of whales in what I guess he imagined to be a large soccer-seaworld extravaganza.

— Clint Smith (@ClintSmithIII) November 21, 2022​

my daughter responded to my two paragraph text message with a thumbs up. Parenting books don't explain how to deal with this level of disrespect

— ??Dad Moon Rising?? (@raoulvilla) November 19, 2022​

Taking bets on which one will end first, Twitter or the story my 6yo is currently telling me.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 24, 2022​

I asked my twins the best thing about turning 6 and my boy twin said “my hands growing bigger” and my girl twin said “I can drink wine now”

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 18, 2022​

This Thanksgiving we're bringing cornbread stuffing, pumpkin pie and 2 young vectors of the common cold.

— The Ciscokidder (@TheCiscoKidder) November 24, 2022​

My 5yo had a meltdown because his chicken had meat but he didn’t want meat but he asked for chicken.

And upon further investigation, he wanted bbq chicken not rotisserie. He calls rotisserie “meat chicken”.

I be positive parenting but children don’t be positively childrening.

— Princess | Sleep & Wellness (@themultiplemom) November 21, 2022​

toddlers drink juice like they're trying to waterboard themselves. Take a break bro.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 24, 2022​

My 9 year old has wanted to bake a cake for weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it. Being so busy means it’s easy to forget about making memories with my kids - I can tell she loved every four minutes of it before she went to watch TV and left me to do it all

— three time dad ?? (@threetimedaddy) November 24, 2022​

I sent my daughter a text and she responded with “I will look into this. Thank you.” So I guess we’re business associates now.

— Wendy (@_wendyb07) November 24, 2022​

My almost five-year-old: What’s the point of this one being called Home Alone anyway? He’s not home, and he’s not alone!

Me: Hush up!

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 24, 2022​

7YO: My tummy hurts

Me: Must be the pack of cookies you ate

7YO: It’s the other one, not my cookie tummy

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 25, 2022​

My 13yo said she was sick of relatives asking her “how’s school” so I asked what she WOULD like them to ask and she said she wants a quirky aunt to ask if there's any drama at school, so you can use that today at Thanksgiving.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 24, 2022​

A game show where families rush to restore their homes to mint condition seconds before their guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 24, 2022​

My 12 year-old daughter hasn’t been accepting the “because I said so“ response lately. This morning she kept saying, “tell me why“ so of course I did what any parent would do, took it to the next level and sung back, “AIN’T NOTHING BUT A HEARTACHE!”

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) November 21, 2022​

Shout out to everyone deciding to add parsley to things like mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese. My kids love finding little green specs in their food, so excited.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 22, 2022​

my only goal in life now is to stay awake long enough to eat the good snacks after my kids have gone to bed

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 21, 2022​

Not to brag but my toddler is in such a Mama-only phase that I parked the car and a man who sort of looked like my husband walked by and my toddler screamed at him “NO DADA, I WANT MAMA TO GET MY OUT OF MY CARSEAT, GO AWAY.”

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) November 21, 2022​

My kids are denying all knowledge of the new wall art and are instead suggesting: umm maybe you did it mom pic.twitter.com/hOmQv1W8qW

— meghan (@deloisivete) November 23, 2022​

I follow a mom on Instagram who has five boys just to see if she survives

— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) November 22, 2022​

My son just created a game but I can’t “unlock” it to play unless I pay him $5.

He really overestimated how much I want to play.

— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) November 22, 2022​

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

— Lovely Potatoes (@robin_991) November 23, 2022​

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