The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

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Kids may say the strangest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.


Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

“FIVE MINUTES TIL BED!” I yell to my daughter because 90% of parenting is stage managing

— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) May 11, 2021​

It always shocks people that my twins have totally different personalities. It’s almost like they’re two separate people.

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) May 12, 2021​

May you have the confidence of my child, who asked for a snack five minutes after refusing to eat his meal

— Satirical Mommy (@MommySatirical) May 11, 2021​

My daughter (age 3) drew the NYC subway map. The accuracy is astounding. pic.twitter.com/TELdfYm2Ig

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 11, 2021​

I changed my 3-year-old's name to Kidney Stone because the irritation he causes has yet to pass

— A Bearer Of Dad News?? (@HomeWithPeanut) May 10, 2021​

Tonight my 4 year old said I made the best ever pizza he’s ever ever had, so if you think I’m taking the credit for a cheap supermarket own brand frozen pizza you’ll be correct

— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) May 11, 2021​

6 yo : I can't get out of bed.

Me : Why not?

6yo : Because I'm awake, but my hair is still asleep.

— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) May 12, 2021​

My daughter: mom I got you a card
The card:
I......................................... pic.twitter.com/nhoRrT2Mm2

— Nik (@jacaristar) May 9, 2021​

Quick question:

Can you still consider yourself to be a good parent if you mentally refer to your kids as “little turds”?

— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) May 13, 2021​

My toddler threw a clipboard at me. This is no way for a boss to treat an unpaid intern.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 12, 2021​

Letting my wife sleep in for Mother's Day before I wake her to ask what's for breakfast.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 9, 2021​

I talk a lot of shit for someone who was just dancing to the background music of the YouTube video my kid was watching.

— lilswizzy (@MotherPlaylist) May 8, 2021​

No parenting book or blog post prepares you for the first time a young child asks where cryptocurrency comes from.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 11, 2021​

WE ARE CLOSED.

NOBODY WANTS TO WORK ANYMORE.

-me, when my kids ask for an elaborate snack at bedtime

— meghan (@deloisivete) May 13, 2021​

me: why are you playing with a broken piece of plastic? it's trash, throw it away

my kid: pic.twitter.com/SBcx9D3IX5

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 12, 2021​

my four year old made a card and wrote a long message inside it and handed it to me, after I read her “words” i was about to thank her and she whispered “ᴵᵗ’ˢ ᶠᵒʳ ᵈᵃᵈ ⁿᵒᵗ ʸᵒᵘ” so yeah im pretty humble

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 8, 2021​

I noticed my 11yo had me in her phone as “Momzilla” and I was like, "If the shoe fits..."

— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 10, 2021​

I keep hearing that my picky eater will eventually grow out of this phase but my husband is 43 now and I’m starting to lose hope

— Maryfairyboberry??‍ (@maryfairybobrry) May 11, 2021​

Here mom, this rock is for you to remember me by in case I fall in lava and get died.

—5, being simultaneously sweet and creepy

— Mama Needs A Coke (@MamaNeedsACoke) May 13, 2021​

My child just explained in toddler speak that being a child is getting in the way of how’d she prefer to be spending her time. Apparently, being in a child’s body is holding her back. Sooo . . .

— Dara Beevas (@darairene) May 12, 2021​