Tweets That Capture The Pain Of Parenting Really Early Risers

[Brexiter]

If you’re a parent of an early riser — like, the kind of mum or dad who sees it as a major victory if your child manages to sleep until 6am — your days are long. Like, by the time 10am rolls around, you’ve already had a DAY.

Thankfully, you’re not alone. We rounded up 29 funny tweets from fellow parents of early risers to help take a bit of the pain away — and to enjoy over a cup of coffee. (Or 15.)

[5:45 AM, in a harsh whisper]

Daddy, don't worry, you can sleep. I'm making my own breakfast, how do you turn on the oven?

Me: I'm up.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 21, 2015

If it's 7 AM on a weekend and you are wishing you were at work, congratulations on having kids.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 3, 2017

I told my daughter she can be anything she wants to be. Turns out, she wants to be an alarm clock that goes off at 5 AM

— The Dad (@thedad) May 9, 2018

Do you remember being in your prime, saying “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” in a YOLO sort of way?

And now that you’re a parent, you realize that this phrase is actually your staggering reality now: The next time you get a good night’s sleep, you’ll probably be dead.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) January 18, 2019

Get married and have kids so instead of spending Sunday morning sleeping in you can get up too early and repeatedly reheat your coffee while panicking that the neighbors heard you threaten to murder your children if they can’t find a way to share the Magna-tiles.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 7, 2019

I hope my kids grow up to be wildly happy and successful people but mostly I hope they learn to sleep past 6AM.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 2, 2019

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a 4yo that suddenly starts screaming "MY POOP! MY POOP!" at 5am?

Rise and shine!

— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) January 29, 2014

I gave my kids rice sensory bins at 6am in case you're wondering what the perfect combination of bravery and desperation looks like.

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) April 30, 2019

Why would I pay for a haunted house when I can wake up to my kid silently standing by my bed at 5 AM.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 2, 2020

[laying in bed]

Husband: Good morning

Me: Good morning

All 3 children sitting on top of my head: Good morning!!

— ️MacgyveringMom22? (@MacgyveringM22) April 7, 2018

My alarm went off this morning, I turned to my left, and there was a child staring directly into my face who said, “WANNA PLAY?!”

— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) April 14, 2021

I don’t know much about parenting, but I do know that if you set your alarm clock for 7, your toddler will wake you up by 4

— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) January 6, 2021

3-year-old: I won!

Me: At what?

3: Waking up.

Take that, sleep.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 2, 2019

My favorite parenthood thing is dragging the kids out of bed at 7 for school all week & then seeing them bright-eyed at 5:30 am on Saturday.

— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) August 20, 2016

parenting is missing my kids as they sleep and cursing at them tomorrow morning for waking me up too early

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 18, 2021

Parenting is being exhausted but waking up early so you can have time to yourself and stumbling out to find the kids awake and waiting for a snack.

— Maryfairyboberry??‍ (@maryfairybobrry) October 16, 2019

My youngest three kids were all up by 4:30am by choice, in case you wondered what the worst alarm clock in the world sounds like.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 15, 2018

Every toddler’s internal alarm clock is set to shuffle from midnight to 6am.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) October 14, 2015

If you haven't duct taped your kids shades to the window you clearly don't have an early riser...consider yourself lucky & don't judge me

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 3, 2013

Have you ever wished that your alarm clock would just straight up poke you in the eyes to wake you up?

You should have kids!#Parenting

— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) September 15, 2017

In a last minute effort to get my boys to sleep past 6am, I told them the 1st one up cleans the toy room.

They've never slept this long.

— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) August 1, 2015

My only goal as a sleep deprived parent is to make coffee so strong I will be able to hear colors and taste sounds after one sip.

— A Bearer Of Dad News?? (@HomeWithPeanut) January 30, 2019

I wonder how silly the inventor of the alarm clock felt when they realized that children exist.

— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) November 4, 2018

*awakened by tap on arm*

Daughter: Daddy, what time is TOO early to wake you up on Saturdays?

Me: *blindly points to alarm clock* That.

— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) March 28, 2015

"I'm excited to turn my clocks back this weekend because I'll get an extra hour of sleep!"

- Spoken by no parents of young children, ever.

— Doyin Richards - Fully Vaccinated (@daddydoinwork) November 4, 2016

[6AM Saturday]

Well, I can't sleep. Better make sure nobody else can, either. Ok now if I were a dad, where would I keep the ladder?

-kids

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 29, 2016

i am still baffled every morning i am forced to wake up early and go to work and i see my kids who have zero responsibility to a job already be awake before me. what are you doing? live your life in bed while you can!

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 9, 2021

My friend who doesn't have kids: omg I slept until 11am and I'm still tired

Me: pic.twitter.com/hMR8PdxG6h

— The Dad (@thedad) February 8, 2019

I need an alarm clock that doesn't wake me up at 5AM asking for Cheerios.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) July 22, 2013