So far New York Rep.-elect George Santos, who may be a bona fide member of the House of Representatives by the time you read this, has made a series of outlandish claims: He was the original Gerber baby. He invented hummus. He spent several weeks in Valdez, Alaska, vigorously scrubbing otters—but only in the months prior to the oil spill. He resorbed five identical twins in the womb, which is why he has so many contradictory life stories.
Indeed, his CV appears to have been cobbled together by at least six different oracles reading the post-brunch chicken entrails in Randy Quaid’s beard. So far he’s claimed he graduated from a college he didn’t graduate from, worked for two financial behemoths he hadn’t actually worked for, and was a Jewish descendant of Holocaust survivors. When asked to clarify the latter claim, Santos said, “I never claimed to be Jewish. I am Catholic. Because I learned my maternal family had a Jewish background I said I was 'Jew-ish.'"
Uh-huh. Of course, I’ve seen every episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm and love bagels with schmears of (vegan) cream cheese. Does that make me “Jew-ish” or just “Jew-esque?”
Well, now Santos is discovering that fantabulous lies only appeal to the masses if you consistently double down on them and sound like two yetis trying to wax each other’s backs on a Tilt-A-Whirl. This silent treatment shit just isn’t going to cut it, man.
Tuesday, as Santos headed toward his new workplace for the first time, he was barraged with questions about his infamous fusillade of fibs. And for once, he chose not to make empty boasts:
As you can see in the above clip, Santos was peppered with numerous questions, including the following:
He answered none of them.
And here he is dodging another series of similar questions before—according to CBS News correspondent Scott MacFarlane—discovering he’d walked down the wrong hallway:
And here he briefly looks at his phone in lieu of answering yet another reporter’s questions:
And here he is in the House chamber, sitting with all his friends:
Meanwhile, the other House GOP members appear to be treating him like he has a deadly communicable disease other than COVID, and like he continually tells brazen lies other than that he won the presidency when he very clearly didn’t.
It’s a shame Republican members of Congress are being so mean to Santos just because he lies all the time. For some reason, I’d been led to believe such behavior was de rigueur in today’s GOP. But apparently there’s only so far you can go.
Jewish space lasers aren’t enough to get you ostracized, it seems, but claiming to be “Jew-ish” apparently is.
Come on, George. Do some incomprehensible caterwauling. It’s the only way to save yourself. And, you know, it’s the Republican way.
RELATED STORIES:
Santos scandal just the beginning of bind that promises to haunt Republicans straight into 2024
Fabulist George Santos' manufactured history gets even more bizarre and scummy
Rep.-elect Santos is now lying about which lies he told, and the big questions aren't going away
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
Indeed, his CV appears to have been cobbled together by at least six different oracles reading the post-brunch chicken entrails in Randy Quaid’s beard. So far he’s claimed he graduated from a college he didn’t graduate from, worked for two financial behemoths he hadn’t actually worked for, and was a Jewish descendant of Holocaust survivors. When asked to clarify the latter claim, Santos said, “I never claimed to be Jewish. I am Catholic. Because I learned my maternal family had a Jewish background I said I was 'Jew-ish.'"
Uh-huh. Of course, I’ve seen every episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm and love bagels with schmears of (vegan) cream cheese. Does that make me “Jew-ish” or just “Jew-esque?”
Well, now Santos is discovering that fantabulous lies only appeal to the masses if you consistently double down on them and sound like two yetis trying to wax each other’s backs on a Tilt-A-Whirl. This silent treatment shit just isn’t going to cut it, man.
Tuesday, as Santos headed toward his new workplace for the first time, he was barraged with questions about his infamous fusillade of fibs. And for once, he chose not to make empty boasts:
As you can see in the above clip, Santos was peppered with numerous questions, including the following:
He answered none of them.
And here he is dodging another series of similar questions before—according to CBS News correspondent Scott MacFarlane—discovering he’d walked down the wrong hallway:
And here he briefly looks at his phone in lieu of answering yet another reporter’s questions:
And here he is in the House chamber, sitting with all his friends:
Meanwhile, the other House GOP members appear to be treating him like he has a deadly communicable disease other than COVID, and like he continually tells brazen lies other than that he won the presidency when he very clearly didn’t.
It’s a shame Republican members of Congress are being so mean to Santos just because he lies all the time. For some reason, I’d been led to believe such behavior was de rigueur in today’s GOP. But apparently there’s only so far you can go.
Jewish space lasers aren’t enough to get you ostracized, it seems, but claiming to be “Jew-ish” apparently is.
Come on, George. Do some incomprehensible caterwauling. It’s the only way to save yourself. And, you know, it’s the Republican way.
RELATED STORIES:
Santos scandal just the beginning of bind that promises to haunt Republicans straight into 2024
Fabulist George Santos' manufactured history gets even more bizarre and scummy
Rep.-elect Santos is now lying about which lies he told, and the big questions aren't going away
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.