Because Donald Trump has a finite number of dead ex-wives and just a handful of golf courses on which to bury them, he has to continually come up with creative ways to lower his tax burden. He almost certainly outsources this thankless task to his team of accountants, because fully 80% of his mental energy is devoted to guessing which Pokémon will show up in today’s Happy Meal.
Another 10% goes toward mentally drafting an increasingly disquieting series of unsent missives to the Spice Girls, while the remainder is entirely dedicated to keeping his lies straight. Clearly, he needs to outsource that job to a quantum computer, because it’s a heavy lift for any human brain, much less one that’s been so thoroughly sautéed in feckless incest fantasies and Adderall.
Of course, for years Trump has shielded his tax returns like Jeffrey Dahmer guarded the vegetable crisper in his refrigerator, but now we have unfettered access to several years’ worth of those returns. And guess what! Trump was lying about his federal tax bill!
In fact, you may remember this innocent exchange from the first 2020 presidential debate/one-man screaming match, which featured journalist Chris Wallace doing his best 2012 NFL replacement ref impression:
When? Well, how about now?
Turns out Wallace was a lot closer in his estimate than Trump was—which is weird, since Trump had access to all his returns and Wallace was just going by what he’d seen in the Fake News. And by “closer,” I of course mean “exactly right.” Trump paid—wait for it—$750 in income tax in both 2016 and 2017.
Indeed, after Congress obtained Trump’s tax returns following a protracted battle—and the House Ways and Means Committee voted to release them to the public—we finally found out how little this self-described billionaire contributes to the public coffers. Spoiler alert: It ain’t millions per year.
In fact, the whole time Trump was leveraging his position as POTUS to rip off the taxpayers, he was sending precious little back to the government.
NBC News:
So Donald Trump was caught in a lie. Alert the media. No, really. Alert them, because while this is the kind of revelation that might end the political career of a non-pathological liar, it’s been met with yawns and eye-rolls from the nattering news nabobs, who’ve gotten a little too used to offhandedly dismissing Trump’s daily geyser of lies.
But come on, now. This is a big one. “Millions of dollars” is way, way off from $750. Maybe Andrea Mitchell and/or Maggie Haberman should be embedded at the Mar-a-Lago omelet bar so we can really get to the bottom of the Trumpian moral abyss.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
Another 10% goes toward mentally drafting an increasingly disquieting series of unsent missives to the Spice Girls, while the remainder is entirely dedicated to keeping his lies straight. Clearly, he needs to outsource that job to a quantum computer, because it’s a heavy lift for any human brain, much less one that’s been so thoroughly sautéed in feckless incest fantasies and Adderall.
Of course, for years Trump has shielded his tax returns like Jeffrey Dahmer guarded the vegetable crisper in his refrigerator, but now we have unfettered access to several years’ worth of those returns. And guess what! Trump was lying about his federal tax bill!
In fact, you may remember this innocent exchange from the first 2020 presidential debate/one-man screaming match, which featured journalist Chris Wallace doing his best 2012 NFL replacement ref impression:
When? Well, how about now?
Turns out Wallace was a lot closer in his estimate than Trump was—which is weird, since Trump had access to all his returns and Wallace was just going by what he’d seen in the Fake News. And by “closer,” I of course mean “exactly right.” Trump paid—wait for it—$750 in income tax in both 2016 and 2017.
Indeed, after Congress obtained Trump’s tax returns following a protracted battle—and the House Ways and Means Committee voted to release them to the public—we finally found out how little this self-described billionaire contributes to the public coffers. Spoiler alert: It ain’t millions per year.
In fact, the whole time Trump was leveraging his position as POTUS to rip off the taxpayers, he was sending precious little back to the government.
NBC News:
So Donald Trump was caught in a lie. Alert the media. No, really. Alert them, because while this is the kind of revelation that might end the political career of a non-pathological liar, it’s been met with yawns and eye-rolls from the nattering news nabobs, who’ve gotten a little too used to offhandedly dismissing Trump’s daily geyser of lies.
But come on, now. This is a big one. “Millions of dollars” is way, way off from $750. Maybe Andrea Mitchell and/or Maggie Haberman should be embedded at the Mar-a-Lago omelet bar so we can really get to the bottom of the Trumpian moral abyss.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.