Since it’s already quasi-legal for teenagers to kill protesters in Wisconsin, Badger State Republicans are hoping to further enshrine the kiddos’ right to be public menaces. Call it the “Kyle Rittenhouse Will Blow Your Face Off for Giving Him the Stink Eye, but this Time He’ll Have a Permit” Incel Aggro Act of 2022.
Because guns are the panacea to everything all the time, Wisconsin Republicans are aiming to make it easy for every Badger to pack more heat in their jeans than cheese in their colons. On Jan. 20, Republican members of the state assembly approved several pieces of pro-gun legislation, including bills that would lower the minimum age for carrying a concealed weapon, give churchgoers leave to carry guns into houses of worship, and allow more people to bring guns onto school grounds.
Because, if you haven’t already noticed, the Republican Party is basically all Jokers and no henchmen at this point.
The series of bills proposed by Wisconsin lawmakers includes Assembly Bill 498, which would lower the minimum age for getting a concealed-carry permit from 21 to 18; Assembly Bill 495, which would allow concealed-carry permit holders to bring guns onto school grounds in their vehicles; Assembly Bill 597, which would permit concealed guns in churches that are located on private school grounds; Assembly Bill 518, which would require Wisconsin to recognize other states’ concealed-carry permits; and Assembly Bill 843, which would force the state’s Department of Public Instruction to write a firearm education curriculum.
Sure, that’s what the people of Wisconsin are clamoring for. Not a child tax credit, paid parental leave, student loan forgiveness, or a greener economy. They want more guns in churches! Duh!
But once again, there are two sides to this story. See if you can suss out which of the sides is pure and blatant batshittery.
The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:
Wait, I thought these were concealed-carry permits, not compulsory carry-this-fucking-Glock-everywhere-you-go-or-else certificates. They can’t leave their guns at home when they pick their kids up from fucking school?!?! Really?
Needless to say, state Democrats are not impressed with these proposals.
“Guns do not belong anywhere in or near schools,” Democratic Rep. Deb Andraca said, according to The Journal Sentinel. “Collectively, what these bills would do, they would allow high school seniors to carry a loaded gun in the car to school grounds [and] at school events.”
Republicans, however, had a slightly different take: “If you're old enough to fight for your country, [if] you're old enough to sign contracts, if you're old enough to decide who the president of the United States is, we think you're old enough to be responsible with your rights and to be able to protect yourself,” said Republican Rep. Shae Sortwell, who sponsored the bill that would presumably allow 18-year-old high school seniors to breeze through school metal detectors with a shit-eating grin.
For the record, Wisconsin currently has a Democratic governor, so these bonkers bills are unlikely to become law. But once again conservatives have succeeded in moving the Overton window to a midcentury modern ranch house on Mars.
Since Republicans have gerrymandered the state into a cheesy breakfast hash, they’ll likely continue to hold onto their legislative hegemony against the majority population’s express wishes. And once a Republican returns to the governor’s mansion, it will be open season on all these snowflake gun safety laws.
Of course, having lived in Wisconsin for most of my life (before moving several years ago), I can assure you of one thing: Aaron Rodgers isn’t the only state resident who doesn’t know how to shoot straight.
Enjoy your backslide, Badgers. I have a feeling you’re not done with these death cult ghouls just yet.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
Because guns are the panacea to everything all the time, Wisconsin Republicans are aiming to make it easy for every Badger to pack more heat in their jeans than cheese in their colons. On Jan. 20, Republican members of the state assembly approved several pieces of pro-gun legislation, including bills that would lower the minimum age for carrying a concealed weapon, give churchgoers leave to carry guns into houses of worship, and allow more people to bring guns onto school grounds.
Because, if you haven’t already noticed, the Republican Party is basically all Jokers and no henchmen at this point.
The series of bills proposed by Wisconsin lawmakers includes Assembly Bill 498, which would lower the minimum age for getting a concealed-carry permit from 21 to 18; Assembly Bill 495, which would allow concealed-carry permit holders to bring guns onto school grounds in their vehicles; Assembly Bill 597, which would permit concealed guns in churches that are located on private school grounds; Assembly Bill 518, which would require Wisconsin to recognize other states’ concealed-carry permits; and Assembly Bill 843, which would force the state’s Department of Public Instruction to write a firearm education curriculum.
Sure, that’s what the people of Wisconsin are clamoring for. Not a child tax credit, paid parental leave, student loan forgiveness, or a greener economy. They want more guns in churches! Duh!
But once again, there are two sides to this story. See if you can suss out which of the sides is pure and blatant batshittery.
The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:
Wait, I thought these were concealed-carry permits, not compulsory carry-this-fucking-Glock-everywhere-you-go-or-else certificates. They can’t leave their guns at home when they pick their kids up from fucking school?!?! Really?
Needless to say, state Democrats are not impressed with these proposals.
“Guns do not belong anywhere in or near schools,” Democratic Rep. Deb Andraca said, according to The Journal Sentinel. “Collectively, what these bills would do, they would allow high school seniors to carry a loaded gun in the car to school grounds [and] at school events.”
Republicans, however, had a slightly different take: “If you're old enough to fight for your country, [if] you're old enough to sign contracts, if you're old enough to decide who the president of the United States is, we think you're old enough to be responsible with your rights and to be able to protect yourself,” said Republican Rep. Shae Sortwell, who sponsored the bill that would presumably allow 18-year-old high school seniors to breeze through school metal detectors with a shit-eating grin.
For the record, Wisconsin currently has a Democratic governor, so these bonkers bills are unlikely to become law. But once again conservatives have succeeded in moving the Overton window to a midcentury modern ranch house on Mars.
Since Republicans have gerrymandered the state into a cheesy breakfast hash, they’ll likely continue to hold onto their legislative hegemony against the majority population’s express wishes. And once a Republican returns to the governor’s mansion, it will be open season on all these snowflake gun safety laws.
Of course, having lived in Wisconsin for most of my life (before moving several years ago), I can assure you of one thing: Aaron Rodgers isn’t the only state resident who doesn’t know how to shoot straight.
Enjoy your backslide, Badgers. I have a feeling you’re not done with these death cult ghouls just yet.
It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.