27 Tweets About The Funny Names Kids Give Things

[Brexiter]

Few people are more creative with the English language than children.

In many cases, the funny malapropisms and original turns of phrase they come up with are arguably superior to the official terms. At least, their parents seem to think so.

Below, we’ve rounded up 27 posts on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter, from parents about what kids call things. Enjoy!

My daughter called children’s liquid ibuprofen “pain juice” and I’m contacting their marketing department to suggest a permanent name change.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 5, 2023​

My 5yo asked for macaroni on pizza and I was about to disown him until I realized he meant pepperoni

— meghan (@deloisivete) March 13, 2023​

6 year old: there’s no chance I made a mistake! It’s unpossible!

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 20, 2023​

My 1yo recently learned how to say “Hiiiii!” Except she pronounces it with a “D.” So every morning when I get her up the first thing she says to me in her sweet little voice: “Dieeeeee.”

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 26, 2023​

My 9yo just told me:
Thank you, Catherine Obvious.

I’m not correcting her.

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) January 12, 2021​

I told my 3-year-old to get in the kiddie pool, but she heard "kitty pool."

Now she’s crying because there's nothing to pet.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 23, 2017​

Was shocked to hear this little girl say she wanted to be a street walker when she grows up until I realized she meant a crossing guard.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 11, 2023​

My daughter calls her memories “remembries” so that’s what they are now

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 5, 2023​

My son has just called sausages "flesh cylinders" and now I am never going to look at a sausage the same way again...

— RPG Cheese (@shadow_kylie) January 26, 2021​

My 5yo just watched the new Mario movie and keeps talking about Don King Kong and now I have a new opera idea

— meghan (@deloisivete) April 13, 2023​

My 4yo just flew his toy jet to the “plane station” and honestly IDK why I never thought to call it that before lol

— dara mathis (@TrulyTafakari) January 11, 2023​

Hats off to the waiter that kept a straight face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of the lasagna.

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) June 22, 2021​

My son’s preschool class had caterpillars that turned into butterflies. According to him, the proper name for them are “Wet Lady Butterflies.” After a quick Google search, I’m pretty sure that’s NOT what they’re called.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) May 31, 2023​

My 3 year old called her mop the drink sweeper. Took me forever to figure out what she meant until she cleaned up the drink spill….now her logic is solid.

— MamaPlaskett (@MrsPlaskett) November 6, 2022​

My 10yo saw a can of salt on the counter and asked what “idiotized salt” was and that’s what I’m calling it from now on.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 24, 2023​

Today my 6 year old called her molars “the teeth with 4 legs” which is wildly inaccurate but I totally knew what she meant

— Cait (@cait_mp) May 12, 2022​

My daughter says that I’m gonna do “yogurt”… what she means is yoga

— em ◡̈ (@that_1gorl) July 19, 2023​

At bedtime today my 3 y/o son said he loved my wife’s nipples on her face. Confused, we said do you mean freckles? He meant freckles.

— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) July 29, 2023​

Kinda felt like a military code breaker once I figured out that when the toddler said “gago” she meant “Encanto”

— e 🕯 (@nienna121) June 13, 2022​

I wish Disney would adopt the titles my daughter has given their movies, which includes Beauty & the Beast, Beauty & the Beast: Real (live action), Aladdin, Aladdin: Real, Little Mermaid, and the highly anticipated Little Mermaid: Real

— Alison Bennett (@bennettleigh) May 28, 2023​

The toddler said the “ankle on his arm” hurt and you might think that means wrist but in fact it meant armpit.

— Stephanie Cherpak Clary (@scherp01) March 20, 2021​

My three-year-old called a "fly swatter" a "fly slaughter." Now I can't call it anything else.

— Martin (@ReadMartins) August 11, 2023​

my two year old called the tornado sirens “tomato sirens” today & the mental image of a giant tomato barreling through cities like a bowling ball was not disappointing

— beth (@newmoondew) August 9, 2023​

Lots of little puffballs in Central Park yesterday! Or as my 9 year old called them, “butt mushrooms” pic.twitter.com/XhmkXX9H9t

— Rebecca Saltzman (@beccasaltz) July 23, 2023​

My toddler called his one-piece footed pajamas with a zipper “coat jammies.”

— Arya (@Blues_Annie) August 19, 2023​

My 3yo: That vehicle has a crabber on the front.

Me: What?

3yo: For crabbing stuff.

Me: oh you mean a grabber for grabbing stuff?

3yo (making claws with his hands): no, its called a crabber. Like the creature that lives in the sea. A crabber. It crabs things.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 8, 2023​

My friend's toddler said "don't forget to subscribe" as they were being put to bed. They watch so much YouTube they thought it meant "goodbye."

— Major Powers (@MajorPowers) September 18, 2018​

Related...​

• Parents Reveal The Mortifying Things Kids Have Said In Public
• Stripping Off On TV Sparked This Important Conversation With My 12-Year-Old Granddaughter
• 33 Funny And Relatable Tweets About Childbirth