A Quick Opening Thought
This meme is now literally true as mandated by a court of law:
And his little corrupt flying monkeys, too.
What a world. What a world.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, August 17, 2023
Note: If you don’t eat your paste, you won’t grow up to be big and strong. Remember: Five servings a day fuels you up for work and play!
—C&J Office of Nutritional Superiority
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By the Numbers:
7 days!!!
Days 'til Chocolate Pecan Pie Day: 3
Days 'til the Corn Palace Festival in Mitchell, South Dakota: 7
Increase in retail sales over the last year: 3.2%
Copies of the new Tucker Carlson biography sold so far worldwide: 3,000
Percent chance that traditional TV (broadcast and Pay-TV) usage dropped below 50% for the first time in July: 100%
Share of the viewing market made up of streaming services: 39%
Estimated year when humans started practicing dentistry: 7000 BC
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Up yonder in Thomaston, Maine—FOUND!!!
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CHEERS to the Comforter-in-Chief. He's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. The media and the MAGA cult have been piling on President Biden this week because HE AIN'T BEEN TO MAUI YET, WHY DOES HE HATE AMERICA?!! Yet if he had gone by now, they'd all be like HE'S CREATIN' A BIG DISTRACTION IN MAUI AND GETTING' IN THE WAY, WHY DOES HE HATE AMERICA?!! Now that the first wave of rescue and recovery is winding down, officials now say it's okay for him to drop in and offer words of comfort and pledges of aid (which, unlike his predecessor, he'll keep):
Now that that's settled, my question is, WHY AIN'T TRUMP BEEN DOWN TO MAUI YET, WHY DOES HE HATE AMERICA?!! Silly me—the answer is, of course, because prosecutors in four states are still reading the list of charges against him for the multitude of criminal ways he hates America. My bad.
JEERS to dumb-dumb school. Let's check in and see how Governor Ron DeSantis's efforts to improve education in the Giant Python State is going. When last we heard, he was replacing qualified educators and administrators with a staff he claims was hand-picked by himself and God during a late-night strategy session in a Tallahassee all-you-can-finger pudding buffet. And today...
On the bright side, we hear that enrollment in “Barely Functional Utter Chaos 101” classes are standing room only.
JEERS to activist judges. 330 years ago this week, in 1692, four innocent men and an innocent woman were hanged on Gallows Hill for "practicing witchcraft" in Salem, Massachusetts. To this day Justice Alito is still outraged by what happened back then. He doesn’t think they were tortured nearly enough.
CHEERS to Grrrl Power. 103 years ago this week, 1920, the 19th Amendment to the Constitution—giving women the right to vote—was ratified. That's right—you menfolk ratified the Constitution in 1788 and it only took you 132 years to get your asses off the couch and make this act of equality a reality. Now if you'll just takeout the garbage and fix the kitchen sink, you might get some nookie.
JEERS to today's edition of Bullshit! We've Known This Was Coming For Decades. Courtesy of NBC News...
This has been today's edition of Bullshit! We've Known This Was Coming For Decades.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 17, 2013
RUB A DUB DUB to strange invaders. Imagine waking up to discover that a stranger had climbed into your house, threw your spice jars out the window, dumped a jar of pickles on the floor and then—this is the best part—doffed his shirt and lathered himself up with soap before walking into your bedroom. That's what happened to some poor lady in Waterville, Maine over the weekend. Police say that throughout the ordeal the intruder was "speaking incomprehensible gibberish." Governor Paul LePage will act as the man's official translator during the arraignment.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to going for a little spin. Gather the kids round the intertube screen, it’s time for a little home-school lesson from Professor Billeh. 41 years ago today, in 1982, the first commercially produced compact discs were cranked out at a plant in Hanover, Germany, eventually causing vinyl record sales to plummet. (Bragging rights go to ABBA, whose “The Visitors” was lucky pressing #1.)
CD #1
Today CD sales have plummeted as digital music takes over. But sales of vinyl records are continuing their years-long resurgence because of their richer sound and retro snaps, crackles and pops. I still remember the first LP I owned, at the age of six—a record of classic symphonic works for kids that came sealed with a long red wooden "baton." I spent a lot of hours wildly stabbing at the air while leading my invisible orchestra in the living room—and nearly poking my family's eyes out. Needless to say, my career as a guest conductor has been spotty at best.
But if you’re in the area, I’m leading the Squirrel Philharmonic in the 1812 Overture on the porch roof tonight. Tickets are just 10 almonds each. For an extra five, we’ll let you take shelter in our basement when the cannons start going off. (Those tree rats really love their gunpowder.)
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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This meme is now literally true as mandated by a court of law:
And his little corrupt flying monkeys, too.
What a world. What a world.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, August 17, 2023
Note: If you don’t eat your paste, you won’t grow up to be big and strong. Remember: Five servings a day fuels you up for work and play!
—C&J Office of Nutritional Superiority
-
By the Numbers:
7 days!!!
Days 'til Chocolate Pecan Pie Day: 3
Days 'til the Corn Palace Festival in Mitchell, South Dakota: 7
Increase in retail sales over the last year: 3.2%
Copies of the new Tucker Carlson biography sold so far worldwide: 3,000
Percent chance that traditional TV (broadcast and Pay-TV) usage dropped below 50% for the first time in July: 100%
Share of the viewing market made up of streaming services: 39%
Estimated year when humans started practicing dentistry: 7000 BC
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
A recent Ku Klux Klan rally in Austin produced an eccentric counter-demonstration.
When the fifty Klansmen appeared (they were bused in from Waco) in front of the state capitol, they were greeted by five thousand locals who had turned out for a “Moon the Klan” rally.
Citizens dropped trou both singly and in groups, occasionally producing a splendid wave effect.
It was a swell do.
—June, 1993
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Up yonder in Thomaston, Maine—FOUND!!!
-
CHEERS to the Comforter-in-Chief. He's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. The media and the MAGA cult have been piling on President Biden this week because HE AIN'T BEEN TO MAUI YET, WHY DOES HE HATE AMERICA?!! Yet if he had gone by now, they'd all be like HE'S CREATIN' A BIG DISTRACTION IN MAUI AND GETTING' IN THE WAY, WHY DOES HE HATE AMERICA?!! Now that the first wave of rescue and recovery is winding down, officials now say it's okay for him to drop in and offer words of comfort and pledges of aid (which, unlike his predecessor, he'll keep):
President Joe Biden and first lady Dr. Jill Biden will travel to Hawaii on Monday, the White House announced, as search, rescue and recovery efforts continue following the devastating wildfires there.
Jetpack One.
“The President and First Lady will travel to Maui on Monday, August 21 to meet with first responders, survivors, as well as federal, state, and local officials, in the wake of deadly wildfires on the island,” White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said in a statement. […]
Biden has stayed in close touch with top officials, including Green, Hawaii’s congressional delegation and Federal Emergency Management Agency leadership.
Now that that's settled, my question is, WHY AIN'T TRUMP BEEN DOWN TO MAUI YET, WHY DOES HE HATE AMERICA?!! Silly me—the answer is, of course, because prosecutors in four states are still reading the list of charges against him for the multitude of criminal ways he hates America. My bad.
JEERS to dumb-dumb school. Let's check in and see how Governor Ron DeSantis's efforts to improve education in the Giant Python State is going. When last we heard, he was replacing qualified educators and administrators with a staff he claims was hand-picked by himself and God during a late-night strategy session in a Tallahassee all-you-can-finger pudding buffet. And today...
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis has turned the New College of Florida, a public liberal arts college in Sarasota, into a social experiment, staffing the Board of Trustees with hard-right allies with the goal of erasing what he calls "woke" ideology. The result, according to the website Inside Higher Ed, has been utter "chaos" and a campus that can barely function.
New logo of the state of Florida.
New College's problems have been trickling out for months, with the pro-DeSantis trustees interfering with the merit-based tenure system, and major bleeding of staff. The school has been left without an American History professor after pushing out a DeSantis critic and more than a third of the faculty has either been purged or left.
On the bright side, we hear that enrollment in “Barely Functional Utter Chaos 101” classes are standing room only.
JEERS to activist judges. 330 years ago this week, in 1692, four innocent men and an innocent woman were hanged on Gallows Hill for "practicing witchcraft" in Salem, Massachusetts. To this day Justice Alito is still outraged by what happened back then. He doesn’t think they were tortured nearly enough.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to Grrrl Power. 103 years ago this week, 1920, the 19th Amendment to the Constitution—giving women the right to vote—was ratified. That's right—you menfolk ratified the Constitution in 1788 and it only took you 132 years to get your asses off the couch and make this act of equality a reality. Now if you'll just takeout the garbage and fix the kitchen sink, you might get some nookie.
JEERS to today's edition of Bullshit! We've Known This Was Coming For Decades. Courtesy of NBC News...
What the situation on Maui laid bare was how different risks all amplified by climate change could converge with disastrous outcomes. In many ways, that confluence of extremes had until now been underestimated, even by climate scientists, said Laura Brewington, a research professor at Arizona State University’s Global Institute for Sustainability and Innovation and co-director of the Pacific Research on Island Solutions for Adaptation program.
In a reality where climate change is intensifying wildfires, supercharging storms and fueling droughts, heat waves and floods, the very idea of how to stay safe from these kinds of extreme events is being turned on its head.
“What we’re seeing is something that was not predictable even 10 years ago with the best science that we had,” Brewington said.
This has been today's edition of Bullshit! We've Known This Was Coming For Decades.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 17, 2013
RUB A DUB DUB to strange invaders. Imagine waking up to discover that a stranger had climbed into your house, threw your spice jars out the window, dumped a jar of pickles on the floor and then—this is the best part—doffed his shirt and lathered himself up with soap before walking into your bedroom. That's what happened to some poor lady in Waterville, Maine over the weekend. Police say that throughout the ordeal the intruder was "speaking incomprehensible gibberish." Governor Paul LePage will act as the man's official translator during the arraignment.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to going for a little spin. Gather the kids round the intertube screen, it’s time for a little home-school lesson from Professor Billeh. 41 years ago today, in 1982, the first commercially produced compact discs were cranked out at a plant in Hanover, Germany, eventually causing vinyl record sales to plummet. (Bragging rights go to ABBA, whose “The Visitors” was lucky pressing #1.)
CD #1
Today CD sales have plummeted as digital music takes over. But sales of vinyl records are continuing their years-long resurgence because of their richer sound and retro snaps, crackles and pops. I still remember the first LP I owned, at the age of six—a record of classic symphonic works for kids that came sealed with a long red wooden "baton." I spent a lot of hours wildly stabbing at the air while leading my invisible orchestra in the living room—and nearly poking my family's eyes out. Needless to say, my career as a guest conductor has been spotty at best.
But if you’re in the area, I’m leading the Squirrel Philharmonic in the 1812 Overture on the porch roof tonight. Tickets are just 10 almonds each. For an extra five, we’ll let you take shelter in our basement when the cannons start going off. (Those tree rats really love their gunpowder.)
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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