What could possibly be more entertaining than Ivanka Trump implicating her father in fraudulent business practices—right in front of his face? It’s difficult to fathom. Maybe George Santos inexplicably carrying a baby around the Capitol while screaming at randos? But only if the baby turns out to be Santos’ own clone or a preternaturally astute haggis or both.
Thanks to a new ruling from the judge presiding over Trump’s New York civil fraud trial, we’re about to be treated to just such a spectacle. If only cameras were allowed in the courtroom. It’s hard to imagine the court sketch artist being able to capture the subtle contours of Trump’s intricate emotional landscape without drawing daggers shooting from his eyes, stink lines over Judge Arthur Engoron’s poopy liberal head, and a solitary thought bubble featuring a 7-foot Jenga tower of Pepperoni Hot Pockets.
On Friday, Engoron ruled that Ivanka Trump will be required to testify in the ongoing trial, despite having been dismissed from the case in June on statute-of-limitation grounds.
And according to Laura Italiano, a veteran New York reporter who currently works for Insider on the “Trump Org is well and truly fucked” beat, her testimony could screw over a significant portion of her family—other than herself and the $2 Billion Dollar Man, of course. For instance, there was the favorable interest rate she secured on a $125 million loan for Trump’s Doral Golf Club in Miami.
Insider:
Highly damaging to her father and her brothers? Oh, do tell!
But while Ivanka Trump famously left the Trump Org in 2017 to play White House with her husband—a fact that allowed her to peace-out of the lawsuit in June—she was apparently up to her alabaster neck in shenanigans prior to that.
As New York Attorney General Letitia James noted in an early court filing, “Until 2017, Ms. Trump was the primary contact for the Trump Organization’s largest lender, Deutsche Bank. In connection with this work, Ms. Trump caused misleading financial statements to be submitted to Deutsche Bank and the federal government.”
Ivanka was also a key player in the Trump Org’s acquisition of the Old Post Office in Washington, D.C.
CNN:
In other words, she can screw over her dad and brothers over a deal that she was heavily involved in—safe in the knowledge that she’s not going to be liable for any of it. Which is exactly the kind of fate you might expect for someone who escaped from D.C. with $2 billion of Saudi blood money and never looked back.
Italiano notes that Ivanka will also likely be asked about her negotiations with Deutsche Bank over the minimum net worth the lender required the Trump Org to maintain as a condition of securing and keeping its loans. The bank initially demanded Trump maintain a net worth of $3 billion, but as Wallace noted in his opening arguments, "Ivanka Trump tried to negotiate the number down to $2 billion before agreeing to $2.5 billion.”
Well, maintaining that net worth should have been easy, considering Trump has assured us he’s worth more than TEN BILLION DOLLARS. And if there’s one thing we know with metaphysical certitude, it’s that Trump never, ever lies.
Meanwhile, Italiano notes that Ivanka is also likely to be asked about the apartment she and hubby Jared rented at her dad’s Park Avenue building in 2011 and 2012. They had an option to buy the apartment for $8.5 million, even though Trump’s net worth statements had valued it at a gaudy $20.8 million.
In other words, there appears to be a pattern here.
Of course, after Judge Engoron ruled that Ivanka would be required to testify, Trump reacted to the news with his usual measured grace.
“I truly believe he is CRAZY, but certainly, at a minimum, CRAZED in his hatred of me,” Trump wrote on his moist saltine of a Xwitter knockoff, Goof Social. “This case should have never started, but now must be dismissed.”
Okay, good luck with that, Chucky. But this train has left the station, and nothing is going to derail it now. Enjoy watching Ivanka do to you what you’ve (allegedly!) wanted to do to her for years.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
Thanks to a new ruling from the judge presiding over Trump’s New York civil fraud trial, we’re about to be treated to just such a spectacle. If only cameras were allowed in the courtroom. It’s hard to imagine the court sketch artist being able to capture the subtle contours of Trump’s intricate emotional landscape without drawing daggers shooting from his eyes, stink lines over Judge Arthur Engoron’s poopy liberal head, and a solitary thought bubble featuring a 7-foot Jenga tower of Pepperoni Hot Pockets.
On Friday, Engoron ruled that Ivanka Trump will be required to testify in the ongoing trial, despite having been dismissed from the case in June on statute-of-limitation grounds.
And according to Laura Italiano, a veteran New York reporter who currently works for Insider on the “Trump Org is well and truly fucked” beat, her testimony could screw over a significant portion of her family—other than herself and the $2 Billion Dollar Man, of course. For instance, there was the favorable interest rate she secured on a $125 million loan for Trump’s Doral Golf Club in Miami.
Insider:
Highly damaging to her father and her brothers? Oh, do tell!
But while Ivanka Trump famously left the Trump Org in 2017 to play White House with her husband—a fact that allowed her to peace-out of the lawsuit in June—she was apparently up to her alabaster neck in shenanigans prior to that.
As New York Attorney General Letitia James noted in an early court filing, “Until 2017, Ms. Trump was the primary contact for the Trump Organization’s largest lender, Deutsche Bank. In connection with this work, Ms. Trump caused misleading financial statements to be submitted to Deutsche Bank and the federal government.”
Ivanka was also a key player in the Trump Org’s acquisition of the Old Post Office in Washington, D.C.
CNN:
In other words, she can screw over her dad and brothers over a deal that she was heavily involved in—safe in the knowledge that she’s not going to be liable for any of it. Which is exactly the kind of fate you might expect for someone who escaped from D.C. with $2 billion of Saudi blood money and never looked back.
Italiano notes that Ivanka will also likely be asked about her negotiations with Deutsche Bank over the minimum net worth the lender required the Trump Org to maintain as a condition of securing and keeping its loans. The bank initially demanded Trump maintain a net worth of $3 billion, but as Wallace noted in his opening arguments, "Ivanka Trump tried to negotiate the number down to $2 billion before agreeing to $2.5 billion.”
Well, maintaining that net worth should have been easy, considering Trump has assured us he’s worth more than TEN BILLION DOLLARS. And if there’s one thing we know with metaphysical certitude, it’s that Trump never, ever lies.
Meanwhile, Italiano notes that Ivanka is also likely to be asked about the apartment she and hubby Jared rented at her dad’s Park Avenue building in 2011 and 2012. They had an option to buy the apartment for $8.5 million, even though Trump’s net worth statements had valued it at a gaudy $20.8 million.
In other words, there appears to be a pattern here.
Of course, after Judge Engoron ruled that Ivanka would be required to testify, Trump reacted to the news with his usual measured grace.
“I truly believe he is CRAZY, but certainly, at a minimum, CRAZED in his hatred of me,” Trump wrote on his moist saltine of a Xwitter knockoff, Goof Social. “This case should have never started, but now must be dismissed.”
Okay, good luck with that, Chucky. But this train has left the station, and nothing is going to derail it now. Enjoy watching Ivanka do to you what you’ve (allegedly!) wanted to do to her for years.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.