Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, who still trails the thrice-indicted ex-pr*sident of the U.S. by wide margins in primary polling, desperately needs to find ways to distinguish himself from Donald Trump, other than laughing like Salacious Crumb on 3 pounds of bath salts suppositories and eagerly troweling chocolate pudding into his maw with his glistening array of regular-sized fingers.
So what if we never get to see the much-ballyhooed cage match between Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk? Epic white person slap-fights occur at least fortnightly at the Whole Foods fromage kiosk, so no one gives a sh*t anymore. That’s old news anyway. But DeSantis—whose presidential campaign has been eerily like the Hindenburg’s farewell tour, except with marginally more Nazis—has accepted California Gov. Gavin Newsom’s long-standing debate challenge. And, boy oh boy, talk about bloodsport.
Sign the petition: Ron DeSantis cannot rewrite Black history
On Wednesday, during a live interview with Fox News’ Sean Hannity and his applause-happy studio audience, the Florida governor finally agreed to Hannity’s proposal to moderate a DeSantis-Newsom debate—whether he really wanted to or not.
Watch:
Transcript!
Who else thinks the past 30 or so Google searches on DeSantis’ computer are all some variation of “How smile like human Earth person”?
RELATED STORY: DeSantis campaign in turmoil after Disney refuses to repair candidate
I’ve seen more natural grins on poop emojis. He looks like his grandma just asked him if she can bring a ham casserole to his bachelor party.
The New York Times:
Newsom has been challenging DeSantis to a debate for nearly a year now, ever since DeSantis started playing disingenuous games with innocent immigrants’ lives to grab attention. So it’s interesting that DeSantis only agreed to the debate after being cornered by Hannity during his latest Fox appearance.
Newsom has also been drawing a stark contrast between California’s progressive policies and DeSantis’ maladministration. Last year, he ran ads in Florida claiming “freedom is under attack” in the state.
YouTube Video
And while Newsom was once married to Kimberly Guilfoyle, his judgment seems pretty solid otherwise. And it’s telling that Newsom—not DeSantis, who could really use the exposure—has been the one pushing for the debate.
Insider:
In case you’re wondering if Newsom is ready, believe me when I say we should be looking forward to this debate almost as much as we look forward to DeSantis backing out of it sometime before you finish reading this story.
Because. Newsom. Will. Crush. Him.
For one thing, he’s on the right side of history. DeSantis has been disrupting immigrants’ lives as part of a shameless scheme to prove he’s an even bigger asshole than Trump, and he knows it. For another, Newsom can more than hold his own, even with a bellowing banshee like Hannity. He has a solid command of the facts and the confidence to cut through all the usual Fox-fried fuckery.
Which may be why he offered to debate DeSantis “with one-day notice and with no notes.” As a viral clip from Newsom’s June appearance on “Hannity” makes clear, dude doesn’t need ‘em.
YouTube Video
While it’s fair to question whether Democrats should lower themselves by appearing on Fox News, this cagematch debate might actually help cut through some of the usual right-wing noise. Fox viewers so infrequently encounter an actual fact, and Newsom will be armed with a fusillade of them. Exposing DeSantis is relatively easy, but stomping his guts out in lurid fashion on Fox News will not only sink his campaign faster, it may also give the network’s viewers something to think about.
Assuming their own pudding brains can still be saved from the depredations of DeSantis’ zombie fingers, that is.
Sign the petition: Ron DeSantis cannot rewrite Black history
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
So what if we never get to see the much-ballyhooed cage match between Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk? Epic white person slap-fights occur at least fortnightly at the Whole Foods fromage kiosk, so no one gives a sh*t anymore. That’s old news anyway. But DeSantis—whose presidential campaign has been eerily like the Hindenburg’s farewell tour, except with marginally more Nazis—has accepted California Gov. Gavin Newsom’s long-standing debate challenge. And, boy oh boy, talk about bloodsport.
Sign the petition: Ron DeSantis cannot rewrite Black history
On Wednesday, during a live interview with Fox News’ Sean Hannity and his applause-happy studio audience, the Florida governor finally agreed to Hannity’s proposal to moderate a DeSantis-Newsom debate—whether he really wanted to or not.
Watch:
Transcript!
Who else thinks the past 30 or so Google searches on DeSantis’ computer are all some variation of “How smile like human Earth person”?
RELATED STORY: DeSantis campaign in turmoil after Disney refuses to repair candidate
I’ve seen more natural grins on poop emojis. He looks like his grandma just asked him if she can bring a ham casserole to his bachelor party.
The New York Times:
Newsom has been challenging DeSantis to a debate for nearly a year now, ever since DeSantis started playing disingenuous games with innocent immigrants’ lives to grab attention. So it’s interesting that DeSantis only agreed to the debate after being cornered by Hannity during his latest Fox appearance.
Newsom has also been drawing a stark contrast between California’s progressive policies and DeSantis’ maladministration. Last year, he ran ads in Florida claiming “freedom is under attack” in the state.
YouTube Video
And while Newsom was once married to Kimberly Guilfoyle, his judgment seems pretty solid otherwise. And it’s telling that Newsom—not DeSantis, who could really use the exposure—has been the one pushing for the debate.
Insider:
In case you’re wondering if Newsom is ready, believe me when I say we should be looking forward to this debate almost as much as we look forward to DeSantis backing out of it sometime before you finish reading this story.
Because. Newsom. Will. Crush. Him.
For one thing, he’s on the right side of history. DeSantis has been disrupting immigrants’ lives as part of a shameless scheme to prove he’s an even bigger asshole than Trump, and he knows it. For another, Newsom can more than hold his own, even with a bellowing banshee like Hannity. He has a solid command of the facts and the confidence to cut through all the usual Fox-fried fuckery.
Which may be why he offered to debate DeSantis “with one-day notice and with no notes.” As a viral clip from Newsom’s June appearance on “Hannity” makes clear, dude doesn’t need ‘em.
YouTube Video
While it’s fair to question whether Democrats should lower themselves by appearing on Fox News, this cagematch debate might actually help cut through some of the usual right-wing noise. Fox viewers so infrequently encounter an actual fact, and Newsom will be armed with a fusillade of them. Exposing DeSantis is relatively easy, but stomping his guts out in lurid fashion on Fox News will not only sink his campaign faster, it may also give the network’s viewers something to think about.
Assuming their own pudding brains can still be saved from the depredations of DeSantis’ zombie fingers, that is.
Sign the petition: Ron DeSantis cannot rewrite Black history
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.