Set apart from the genuinely gormless goofballs trying to turn our country into a colossal evangelical megachurch with self-serve Slushie machines in lieu of EV chargers is a small handful of smart GOP congresspeople who pretend to be otherwise. One of these characters is Sen. John Kennedy of Louisiana.
Like Sen. Ted Cruz, whose intellect was forged in the white-hot crucible of ivory tower academia before he resolved to become a man of the peephole—erm, people—Kennedy is highly educated. He was co-valedictorian of his high school class, graduated magna cum laude from Vanderbilt University, and attended Oxford University, for God’s sake. So, naturally, he’s here to warn you away from “high IQ stupid people” who want to trick all us regular folk into voting for affordable college and free health care. After all, high IQ people are simply the worst, which is why you absolutely must vote for ex-running back and pretend University of Georgia graduate Herschel Walker for U.S. Senate instead.
Jezebel:
Ah, yes, the Mount Rushmore of liberal bêtes noires: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Dr. Seuss, and Mr. Potato Head. Of course, I don’t want a U.S. senator who hates Mr. Potato Head, but I’d still prefer that to one who thinks he’s a real person. And when it comes to Walker, you just never know.
There’s something especially off-putting about smart Republicans who know better when it comes to pressing issues like Donald Trump’s unprecedented villainy, but who go along with the prevailing GOP narratives nonetheless. For instance, contrast Oxford-educated Kennedy with Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, whose diploma is suspiciously redolent of Cracker Jack, or Eric Trump, aka The Third Darryl. Those latter two were born to be Republicans; Kennedy and Cruz willingly chose their path.
Of course, they’ll claim that liberals look down on regular people. At the same time, these phony populists do everything in their power to make those people’s lives harder. Ah, but at least they haven’t brutally defamed Mr. Potato Head!
Kennedy also waxed rhapsodic on the relative merits of cruciferous vegetables: “These high IQ stupid people walk around with Ziploc bags of kale that they can eat to give them energy,” he said. “If you want to eat kale, that’s up to you. I don’t eat kale. You know why? Kale tastes to me like I’d rather be fat.”
Yeah, no liberals are walking around all day with Ziploc bags full of kale. That’s weed, dude. Most of us eat our kale from plates or bowls—when we eat it at all.
Of course, if you’re tired of being reduced to a cultural stereotype—and you live in Georgia—you can send Kennedy and others of his ilk a message: Your IQ is high enough to understand who would make a better U.S. senator—Raphael Warnock or Herschel Walker. Also, there’s still time to vote. Let’s run through the tape. If we all do our part, we may never have to hear another grotesque lie from Walker ever again.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
Like Sen. Ted Cruz, whose intellect was forged in the white-hot crucible of ivory tower academia before he resolved to become a man of the peephole—erm, people—Kennedy is highly educated. He was co-valedictorian of his high school class, graduated magna cum laude from Vanderbilt University, and attended Oxford University, for God’s sake. So, naturally, he’s here to warn you away from “high IQ stupid people” who want to trick all us regular folk into voting for affordable college and free health care. After all, high IQ people are simply the worst, which is why you absolutely must vote for ex-running back and pretend University of Georgia graduate Herschel Walker for U.S. Senate instead.
Jezebel:
Ah, yes, the Mount Rushmore of liberal bêtes noires: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Dr. Seuss, and Mr. Potato Head. Of course, I don’t want a U.S. senator who hates Mr. Potato Head, but I’d still prefer that to one who thinks he’s a real person. And when it comes to Walker, you just never know.
There’s something especially off-putting about smart Republicans who know better when it comes to pressing issues like Donald Trump’s unprecedented villainy, but who go along with the prevailing GOP narratives nonetheless. For instance, contrast Oxford-educated Kennedy with Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, whose diploma is suspiciously redolent of Cracker Jack, or Eric Trump, aka The Third Darryl. Those latter two were born to be Republicans; Kennedy and Cruz willingly chose their path.
Of course, they’ll claim that liberals look down on regular people. At the same time, these phony populists do everything in their power to make those people’s lives harder. Ah, but at least they haven’t brutally defamed Mr. Potato Head!
Kennedy also waxed rhapsodic on the relative merits of cruciferous vegetables: “These high IQ stupid people walk around with Ziploc bags of kale that they can eat to give them energy,” he said. “If you want to eat kale, that’s up to you. I don’t eat kale. You know why? Kale tastes to me like I’d rather be fat.”
Yeah, no liberals are walking around all day with Ziploc bags full of kale. That’s weed, dude. Most of us eat our kale from plates or bowls—when we eat it at all.
Of course, if you’re tired of being reduced to a cultural stereotype—and you live in Georgia—you can send Kennedy and others of his ilk a message: Your IQ is high enough to understand who would make a better U.S. senator—Raphael Warnock or Herschel Walker. Also, there’s still time to vote. Let’s run through the tape. If we all do our part, we may never have to hear another grotesque lie from Walker ever again.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.